Why is Everyone so Busy?

One of the conversations I overhear most is this. “What’s up?”  “Nothing. Just busy.”  A close second is this. “You playing any golf?”  “Nah. Too busy.”  

Now why might someone be so busy? Job, kids, errands, time wasting, staring at phone, sitting in traffic, hasn’t taken the time to understand why he/she seems so busy, etc. Any of those ring a bell?  I have been fascinated for years about when being so busy became a badge of honor. If you are busy doing something awesome, meaningful, and fulfilling, I am not talking about that. I am talking about if you are missing out on fantastic life experiences because you haven’t stopped to truly analyze all of the inefficiencies, illogical items, and wasted time in your life. You know…”busy”.  I’ve spent tons of time and thought sorting through it. Try it. Remove the barriers.  And focus your time, money, and energy on things that you personally love. 


I love being outside. I love playing golf. I love playing golf at sunset in Pinehurst. Which leads me to this week’s adventure. 

7B434234-7BEC-4455-9042-7A7411118CABLet me introduce you to my friends Ben from Alabama and Jay from Iowa. We met 2 years and 10 months ago at a work conference in Minnesota.

005E5EE6-850B-40C4-A95F-5570071F521D Through a friend’s hookup, we were able to play Hazeltine National Golf Club right before the Ryder Cup, and that 18 hole walk was where we bonded.

EE6E99B0-CA9A-4142-AF5A-25E7DFF9739BIt was magnificent. It was spectacular. It was and is a memory that brings out so much emotion in me. So we decided last year to start an annual adventure focused around golf. We have a 4th friend, Chad from Wyoming, who hosted last year but couldn’t make it this year. His home is on the tip of Yellowstone National Park, and last year’s trip was magnificent.

8AFCCB43-F36E-442D-95BE-7708CBBF901BIt was spectacular. It was and is a memory that brings out so much emotion in me. This year, it was my turn. What would be magnificent? What would be spectacular? What would be emotional? Pinehurst, the home of American golf, where the ghosts of the greats fill the air. 

6F9E1FDB-27A2-4E41-B2AD-E0C8EAB2A9F1I love hanging out with these boys. I love the unusual adventures we get into. I love that I never know what is going to come out of their mouths. And I love the golf. 

We traversed North Carolina and played 90 holes of golf over 4 days, some good and some not so good. We ate and drank locally. They met my parents, my family, my co-workers, and some good, good friends. I showed them my world. That’s part of the allure. This ain’t some fancy trip. We ain’t showing off. It’s real. 

A130208D-BF5A-4119-8F15-615AAC568FF4On Saturday, we stood on Wingate University’s soccer field, my favorite place in the world, as the sun started to set. And on Friday, we lumbered down the last few holes of Pine Needles in Pinehurst, a course that has hosted 3 US Women’s Opens, having played 36 holes. Ben and I were wiped. The sun was setting. And Jay was playing lights out. It was magical.  I hope they had a wonderful, wonderful time. 

4E508819-B8F1-44C4-9C4E-BDB633CB77E8.jpegWe’ve known each other for less than 3 years. We’ve now done Hazeltine, Yellowstone, and Pinehurst. Beast Mode.  Absolute beast mode. Next year is already in motion. 

If you haven’t done the exercise, take a few moments to analyze and consider the inefficiencies and wastefulness in your life regarding time, money, lifestyle, etc. I have aggressively attacked those things, and the result is more everything (primarily time) to do things that are awesome, meaningful, memorable, magnificent, spectacular, and emotional. Pinehurst at sunset with the boys. Check. 

Doesn’t need to be fancy…just what is specifically meaningful to you. 

Have a great week.-Benj

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Making Yourself Memorable

“If you want to get in the game, you best get to know the players.”- Me


I had a great visit with my friend Dick Pattison on Friday afternoon. Dick is co-founder and co-owner of Taylor Richards & Conger (TRC), the exquisite clothing store in Charlotte, NC. I did not know him a year ago. But on this Friday, we spent about an hour together and chatted about travel, style, and passion. From NYC to Italy and beyond, he gave me the inside scoop on what’s happening in the menswear world. It’s always good to meet someone that speaks your language. 

Outside of family and friends, my language these days consists of 6 or 7 parts. Passions if you will. Travel, unique lifestyle ideas, sporting events, hats, golf, style, and food/drink. It’s how I experience the world, and it’s how I want to continue to experience the world. So about a year and a half ago, I told myself I better get to know some of the people in this world. You know, the players. And so I have. 

6170C817-35A1-4675-B76C-BEF4AEF46B6CI have always been interested in the best and the most respected. You know, things that in whatever category have stood the test of time. Stores around for 30 years. Restaurants for 60 years. So on. Has to be good. I’ve never been interested in trends, who is the richest or most popular. Meaningless. So I have been traveling near and far to go see these “best” things and people in person with one or two goals in mind. Pick their brains, and maybe make a connection. And I have. 

As I have travelled, I have hit some of the most iconic and respected stadiums and sporting events. Played some legendary golf courses. Found some of the best hole in the wall restaurants ( I prefer this to 5 star places) for terrific food and drink. I’ve visited some of the finest clothing stores in the world, and visited 8 or 10 of the best hat shops in existence. But that’s not good enough for me. I want to introduce myself to the owner or head craftsperson. I want to have a conversation. I want to understand what makes the product or service so damn good. Sometimes it is simply a quick exchange, and sometimes I will make enough impact that we might exchange emails occasionally. And sometimes I  make a bona fide new friend, like Dick Pattison above. 

8A9B4887-7656-4D46-AA26-67319E105CAAIt is an intimidating proposition, even for someone who does not get intimidated easily, to go introduce yourself to one of the best. But if you truly share passions and there are no ulterior motives, you will connect. And your life will be so much more enriching. Mine has been. 

44FBD04E-9B64-49D5-B654-1C6CF76EE727.jpegI bought a couple of pieces from TRC on Friday including 2 ties from Kiton and 2 shirts from Hamilton and Eton. These names may mean nothing to you, but they represent some of the most finely crafted articles of clothing in the world. Crafted by  the actual hands of some of the most talented artisans in the world. And I geek out on that kind of stuff. And I’ve finally found some others who do also. And it’s really good for the soul. 

476B1A5A-10C9-4B2E-B5F2-9768E3438F60What do you geek out on? Where can you connect? It’s 2018. We live in our phones. But call me old fashioned, the best connection is still in person. A smile. A handshake. Passionate curiosity that you can feel. Whatever it is that makes you, individually, memorable. 

Have a great week.- Benj

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The Great Balancing Act Of 2018

96B7FABD-53B3-401C-B214-1138D95D7F7DPrior to leaving last Friday for this latest adventure, I hadn’t seen my 3 year old son in almost 3 weeks. You see, his mother and I had made the decision to let him spend a fair amount of time this summer with his grandparents at The Farm in Mississippi, getting a different type of education. It’s awesome for his development, but good God, I miss him. 

In this unique, yet quite fulfilling lifestyle that has been created, I am constantly doing a balancing act, which is cool, but does take quite some effort.  How do you balance natural human guilt with sneaking away for a few days to explore? How do you balance potential loneliness in exchange for some heart-racing, awe-inspiring, life-enriching adventure that no one else has any interest in? How do you balance using every last hour of vacation time with still doing good work and taking care of clients? How do you eat your way through the world and not gain 100 pounds? On and on. And the answer, as with most things, is you just do. That, and passion. Lots of passion for life.  

9274D888-3689-4937-969A-27082FC62C4BSo…let me take you to a few new places along the 2,425 miles I drove this week. New sights. New smells. New emotions. New day. New hope. Last Sunday, the family made Italian subs and sat on the beach in Biloxi and watched the Blue Angels do their show. Quite impressive. Later that night, the men went on an exploratory boat ride, only to stumble upon an entire community of “houseboats”- houses built in the water and only accessible by boat. 


Monday, I left for TPC Louisiana, home of the PGA Tour’s Zurich Classic. It was special. It was blazing ass hot. And it stole my pride. Later, I drove to Baton Rouge for a self tour of LSU.

78C87692-908C-4978-A02F-9978FD0CA33D I grew up on a college campus, so it’s kind of a thing for me. After visiting, I found the best hole in the wall in town for some red beans and rice. (It was literally underneath an interstate underpass.) Aye, aye was it good.

E25CA8E7-2473-49B6-A273-2E3855D063AD I then drove for a few hours on I-10 through Cajun country, battling a beautiful storm and that sinking feeling you get when you see that Texas is 880 miles across. At that point, I decided to find a hotel. (I rarely book hotels in advance if I am driving. Allows me to stay nimble.)


I loved Houston. I took the Toyota Center (Houston Rockets) tour downtown and went shopping in the hipster The Heights neighborhood. 

DFFA9803-F1B6-40B4-8F4A-8F7AF3872709 I ate bbq where Anthony Bourdain did at Burns Original BBQ in the predominantly African American residential neighborhood of Acres Homes.

3C39DA7C-6A15-4A00-A2B7-6127CA1689D5 I talked hats and had one made for me at Miller Hats in this random industrial area, and then finished at Golf Club of Houston, home of the PGA Tour’s Houston Open.

01671109-C44F-4DC0-B3C4-DCB0816C8445 I had wonderful conversations with my tour guide Harold about his life as a D1 basketball referee, the owner of Miller Hats about how rap culture saved his business, and my playing partner Justin about living a passionate life and combatting hungry raccoons.  

I had 2 travel days where I called my boss, my great team, my parents, my sister, and friends. I called clients, traded emails with a clothing boutique in Charlotte, and received a new hat order. I listened to self help podcasts and comedy, and got all caught up. I made sure to put the phone down for long periods to take in the Texas plains and unique bayou scenery. 


I shared a wonderful five (or seven) course meal in New Orleans with my wife, Christy, on Thursday night.

109CD1BF-7101-49F9-9EBF-A6594645227A I shared a riveting Saints-Panthers conversation with our Uber driver Morris, as well as traded war stories about the best Kansas City restaurants with our waitress (her hometown).  I deheaded fresh shrimp straight off the boat on Friday in anticipation of a shrimp boil with the family on Saturday, which was delicious. 

2FCF83A3-A2D1-4533-998A-BA435BF12399What was my favorite part? That’s easy. My son’s greeting last Friday night, his greeting again Wednesday afternoon, and the fact that he is in the car coming home with us right now!

As with every experience, my eyes have been opened a little bit wider. I’m a little more travelled. A little more open minded. A little more humble. A little more aware. 


And I have a cool new hat. 

Have a great week. -Benj

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Keep It Moving (Inspired by the late Anthony Bourdain)

Outside of sporting events, I don’t watch a lot of television. So when the news came over a month ago that Anthony Bourdain had passed, I didn’t really know who that was. So I did a little research, and quickly found that he might have been my spirit animal. He saw the world differently. I can relate. 4D17A0A0-46B3-4EBB-A303-AA67EB19A5A0

I have 11 seasons of his acclaimed show Parts Unknown to catch up on, so I now watch 3-4 episodes per day. I’m glued.  I love so many things about his way of thinking, but my favorite is quite possibly his most well known quote. “If I’m an advocate for anything, it’s to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. The extent to which you can walk in someone else’s shoes or at least eat their food, it’s a plus for everybody.  Open your mind, get up off the couch, move.”

331E428E-7B6A-449E-8283-F49102202C59That is so powerful to me, because I am fascinated with the “why” we as a society do what we do. Why do we treat people the way we do? Why do we behave the way we behave? Why do we teach our kids what we teach them? Why are we afraid to open our minds and our hearts?  Fear, lack of understanding or acceptance, uncertainty?  Which of these are natural human qualities, and which are learned from our own little worlds and the people we regularly interact with?  Which are because we get comfortable? Lazy?

0C4F89EA-1EA4-4397-A716-90F634D7D72CI’ve always been curious, but I never had permission to just travel.  It wasn’t in the “college, graduate school, job, marriage, picket fence, children, career, 401k, retire, and die plan” we teach everyone.  (Why do we teach our kids this plan again?) It fascinates me that everyone has their own individual passions that often go ignored because they don’t fit into the above plan. I was guilty. But listen, that permission doesn’t come from someone else. It comes from yourself. I finally gave myself permission to actually be myself about a year and a half ago, and Mr. Bourdain has just reiterated that for me. With every episode that I watch, I say to myself “Yes, yes. This is indeed possible.”  

FDE0E878-AEB4-48A2-96C4-E740F451623BI usually travel based on natural curiosity, whims, interests, and desires. Trip Advisor, resorts, etc. do nothing for me. I want to meet the locals.  I like to do it an original way. The anything but khakis way. One of a kind. But I am making an exception this week, although it is not really an exception at all. I am going to Houston, TX for the first time because Mr. Bourdain did an episode in Houston. It was fascinating, and I am going to use it as a guide for my trip. I’m not copying, because that’s not my style. But the show introduced me to a joint called Burns Original BBQ. And BBQ, to me, is like air. So damnit, I’m going to Burns Original BBQ Tuesday.

837977B8-D612-45AC-B431-84B28A1C930BThe more I travel, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more I know. The more I know, the more I realize that I don’t know a damn thing. And that, my friends, is what the world needs more of. That’s what I’m an advocate for. 

Have a great week. -Benj

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The Best Of anything but khakis

703B6CED-3D6F-4D95-8C37-78FBDDFD98F7Friends, I was in West Virginia last weekend enjoying the PGA golf event held annually in the wild, wonderful state. It inspired this week’s “Best Of” post, because so many people shat on West Virginia, never having experienced it for themselves. Same goes for a lot of places and things.

Over the past year and few months, I have traveled about 50,000 miles to half of the US and a few countries.  No rhyme nor reason for most of it.  Just because I love it.  Some has been with family.  Others with friends.  Others alone.  Below are some of my favs (and least favs).  Some categories and answers may surprise you, but that is the point.  There are often sneaky little wonderful surprises in the strangest places.  Let’s go.


·       Best all-around weekend- Ocean Isle, NC

·       Most regal- Greenbrier, WV

·       Best encouragement that the world isn’t imploding-NYC Marathon


·       Most family fun-Apopka and Orlando, FL



·       Biggest disappointment that never happened-Toronto, Canada snowed out

·       Biggest disappointment that did happen-(tie) Miami, FL and In N Out Burger

·       Most remote-Round Island, Gulf of Mexico


·       Sickest I’ve been-my hotel room in Mexico City

•    Most emotional- IMAX video at Churchill Downs

•.   Never gets old- cheap Mexican food and Wingate soccer on a fall night


·       Best stadium- (tie)-Azteca, Mexico City and San Siro, Milan, Italy


·       More fun in less iconic stadiums-(tie)- UNAM Pumas, Mexico City and Bologna, Italy

·       Most scared-(tie)- Charlotte, NC and New Orleans, LA

·       Most touristy-(tie)-JFK site in Dallas, TX, Hollywood sign in Los Angeles, CA, Washington, DC Mall


·       Most unique-Kicking field goals at Cowboys Stadium in Dallas, TX


·       Best place for a second home- Cody, WY

·       Most beautiful- Salt Lake City, UT


•       Best sunset- Ohio River, Evansville, Indiana


·       Coolest detour-Indianapolis Motor Speedway in a snowstorm

·       Hardest laughter- Evansville, Indiana at Kevin Hart show

·       Most red seen- Louisville, KY


·       Most blue seen- Lexington, KY

·       Coldest-Cleveland, OH


·       Hottest w/o sweating-Yellowstone Country Club in Billings, MT

·       Hottest while sweating-(tie)-Nashville, TN and Atlanta, GA


·       Haven’t been, but want to go- Santa Fe, New Mexico and Tangier, Morocco

•       Next up- Houston


If you’ve followed along for a while now, you know that my 3 favorite ways to explore a city are through style, food/drink, and sports.  So to finish up, here are the standouts:

·       Best stores-Nick Fouquet in Venice, CA; Imogene + Willie in Nashville, TN; Wish in Atlanta, GA; JJ Hat Center in NYC; Kiton in Venice, Italy; TRC and Tabor in Charlotte, NC


·       Best sporting events- Lakers-Clippers at Staples;  A Military Tribute at the Greenbrier; Browns and Cavs weekend combo in Cleveland; Hornets away in Indy; Club America-Santos; UNAM Pumas-Queretero


•      Favorite in person performances- Porzingis at MSG, Mulholland vs Colorado Rapids, Dirk in Dallas, Palacio for Bologna, Perisic for Inter


·       Best drink-(tie)-Bourbon Barrel Ale in Lexington, KY and 70 year tequila in Mexico City


·       Best food-Jack Stack BBQ in Kansas City, MO; Antica Carbonera in Venice, Italy; Hattie B’s hot chicken in Nashville, TN; St. Elmo’s in Indianapolis, IN; Yardbird in Miami, FL; $.25 tacos in Mexico City; The Shed BBQ in Ocean Springs, MS, Donna Nellie’s in Hattiesburg, MS


Want to know who wins most welcoming and kindest?  Every damn place. And what did I learn from that. People are good. They want to showcase the places where they live and simply hope you enjoy.  But it’s about your open mind, not theirs.  I repeat. 

Have a great week.-Benj

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Bear with me this week friends. If you are a golf fan, then we are going to talk a little about my fascination with golf. If you are not a golf fan, don’t stop reading because this post is definitely NOT about golf. 

FE11E0B5-6460-4ECB-8349-3B4837478FF1Having said that, I want to tell you about my infatuation with golf. It’s about a 15 year journey, and I’m going to start with the present. I was down in Southern Mississippi last week, and I got in 2 rounds of golf at one of my new favorites, Shell Landing Golf Club. It’s gorgeous, perfectly manicured, and adjacent to the Gulf of Mexico. Round 1, I shot 87, which easily could have been an 80. Round 2, I shot 99, which easily could have been a 110. It’s maddening. 

6179CABF-74C8-4D2E-BE67-135E30ECA568I have a big goal to become a scratch golfer in 2019. In layman’s terms, that is the consistent ability to shoot at or around par. Before everyone starts laughing, let’s travel back a few years. My dad loves golf, and he tried to get me involved as a teenager. Not interested. Too boring. Early to mid 20s, I caught the bug bad. I joined 2 local rural clubs and played nearly every day, sometimes twice a day. Often, the darkness is what made me quit, only to have the first tee time at sunrise the following morning. 

801C899D-BF5B-4D9C-BDB8-34392E7B9D78During that time, I got my handicap down to around 3, not shooting out of the 70s for months at a time. Stellar for a complete amateur, and proof that it can be done. I took 1 lesson if I recall, and then just plugged away incessantly. But I had one major problem. I couldn’t be present and stay present. If I screwed up a hole, I couldn’t let it be. I would stew on it, which as you know, just made it worse. Contrastingly, if I had a really good round going, my mind would jump 5 holes ahead to how this could be the best round ever. And, of course, that just ruined it. My best score ever is 76, which I shot multiple times. And I firmly believe that I never beat that because I couldn’t be in the moment. Always behind or ahead. 

F762A507-4563-4BEE-AE5B-8B1D8F4559F5Okay, non-golfers. Here we go. There are a lot of experts and non-experts out there making noise about the importance of being present. I’m a non-expert, but over the past few years, I have focused in on this concept, that for whatever reason is hard as hell. Minus blow-up holes on the golf course which might have caused me to throw a club or 3 at one stage, I managed the past piece pretty well. Can’t really do anything about something that happened 10 years or even 10 minutes ago. It was the future piece that I had a hard time with. Looking 5 holes ahead. Looking 2 weeks ahead. My 5 year plan. Anything but the present (.com). Well, I’ve worked really hard to sort that out, and I encourage you to do the same.  Minus big picture personal goals, I rarely look more than a few hours ahead, really focused on enjoying who and what is in front of me. It’s been life changing. Really has. 

C1B1BF5F-A21B-4DC6-A764-99967B814921My 87 in round one was pretty focused, considering I’ve played no more than 10 times in 2018. The flaws were simply physical. No problem. My 99? Well let’s just say, I had 99 problems and that day, being present definitely was 1. Work in process. 

Have a great week. -Benj 

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Facing My Fears

When I was a teenager, I was pretty much afraid of everything.  Well not everything, but lots of things.  It was an uneasy feeling, and it all stemmed from things I was uninformed on or had never been introduced to.  Interestingly, things like public speaking, which my parents introduced me to very early on, didn’t scare me a lick.  (To this day, I love public speaking, which is like the number one fear in the world.) Some fears arise from bona fide life experiences, but many arise from irrationality or simply not knowing something.  So in my adult life, I have made it my mission to face my fears and expose myself to as much as I can, with a real emphasis over the past few years.  Irrational fear bothers me, and I believe it prevents people (myself included) from “going for the gold” in their own lives.  So let me detail a few of these for you.

F9EB9286-77D8-476E-BE4C-A3EA78E14FC8As a young guy, I was afraid of tight spaces, bridges, bodies of water, and what people thought of me, to name a few.  I was afraid of making a mistake, what would happen to me if I made said mistake, and not being in control.  And as I sit here right now, I can tell you that I have gone from being afraid of almost everything to almost nothing.  Not in a braggadocio way.  In a freeing way.  I didn’t like that feeling, so I went to work on me.

Sometimes I specifically sought out the fear, and sometimes the opportunity to face it simply presented itself.  It was my choice if  I ran the other way, or faced it dead on.  Below are some of the actual ways that I have overcome the above examples.

1.        Tight spaces-got on the subway with a zillion people to Estadio Azteca in Mexico City and to Yankees Stadium on game day.  Got stuck in an elevator.  With 10 people.  Who just ate Mexican food.  That solved that.

211EFB0C-89CC-4F8E-B2C5-4F0CDDBE3D512.       Bridges- Drove into a big storm over Lake Pontchartrain into New Orleans.  That solved that.

7CB81ED4-E21C-41E0-BFFA-F6EF01B69C813.       Bodies of water- Got on a boat in the Gulf of Mexico where I couldn’t see land.   Tried to outrun a storm.  That solved that.

E0738EEA-2EB2-41B8-A591-8B863531DF534.       What people think of me-wrote an  article that 30,000 people read and that at least 500 of those ridiculed.  Created something weekly for the world to read.  Put myself out there.  Made myself vulnerable.  That solved that.

5.       Making a mistake-made a mistake. Actually, have made plenty of mistakes. Will likely make plenty more in life. Simple as that.  Usually not the end of the world.  That solved that.

6.       Not being in control-traveled 35,000+ miles last year. Rode airplanes over the ocean.  Rode an uber in Mexico City.  Rode a taxi in New York City.  Rode a boat into Venice, Italy.  A train to Milan. That solved that.

I could go on and on, but here is the simple point I want to make.  I like feeling free, as I am sure most people do, but it is something we all struggle with.  And so often, fear (and irrational fear) owns us.  I know I am a bit extreme with my examples above, but when I have a problem, I like to face it head on and get it solved.  So these things were owning me for years, and I wasn’t going to let that continue.

Want some easier, more practical steps to get started?  It’s doing something as simple as making a sales phone call.  If that scares you, just pick up the phone.  Face it. Worst case, you get cussed out.  Best case, they’re super interested in what you are selling.  Likely, somewhere in between, which makes it a non-event.  Scared of trying a new food?  Ask a friend or the waitress, and just order it.  Worst case, it sucks.  Afraid you don’t have anything to talk about with someone different than you?  Just say “Hi”.  That usually works for me.

I see and talk to loads of people who are afraid to try something new, talk to someone different than their clique, or get out of their comfort zone, among others. Let’s make a pact. Try something new this week. Especially if deep down you have been wanting to. It could be small step one to a much more enriching life.

Have a great week. – Benj

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