abk Travel: The Bostic Boys Tackle Boston

It all started with a phone call right before Christmas from my dad in North Carolina.

Son, let’s meet for lunch soon. Maybe Atlanta?

Dad, I don’t want to go to Atlanta. Let’s go to New York City.

Once my abk juices started flowing, I dreamed up a January 17 MLK Day excursion, and lunch turned into MY Charlotte Hornets playing the New York Knicks at Madison Square Garden.

My dad was intrigued, but a logistical detail didn’t allow him to come, so Christy told me I should take Banks.

After a little research and discussion (and a lot of excitement), I gave Banks four trip options, and he chose Boston, MA. The New Orleans Pelicans at HIS Boston Celtics on MLK Day.

But Winter Storm Izzy squashed that shit like a bug on a Mississippi windshield. Undeterred, I got on the Bat-phone and pushed the trip back two days. And damned if instead of Pelicans at Celtics, we would get to see MY Charlotte Hornets play HIS Boston Celtics. ESPN, prime time Wednesday night. I would have to go big.

I also figured if I took Banks to Harvard, the absences from school would have to be excused, right? Details…

When we arrived in Boston Tuesday evening, it was colder than a you know what in a you know where. I was so excited. As much as I like being able to play golf year round, I absolutely miss experiencing the variety of all four seasons. The frigid Boston air immediately spoke to me. (It also told me I should zip up my jacket.)

Since it’s been a minute since my last abk big city travel excursion, let me remind you of my main areas of interest: consuming local food and drink, walking the city, meeting new people, and watching sports.

My son ate his first cannoli. We ate Sicilian pizza and fresh meatball subs in bed. We had macaroni and cheese on top of a burger #themacjones!

We toured Fenway Park, which was a personal highlight. We walked through Harvard Yard, Boston Common, alongside the Charles River, and between the quaint row houses of Beacon Hill.

Because my son’s suitcase is an orange Lamborghini Huracán and starts lots of conversations, we met a zillion new people. From Canada, from Cincinnati, even one lady who had lived in Mississippi.

And we went to THE GAME. The Hornets vs Knicks turned Pelicans vs Celtics turned Hornets vs Celtics. I splurged on great seats, and Grandma and Granddad sent me a note that morning that said to let Banks pick out a new Celtics jersey on them. Since I was clad in my teal and purple Charlotte Hornets gear, the young boy in his sparkling new Jayson Tatum jersey served as my bodyguard for the evening, protecting me from all of those big, bad, wonderful Boston fans.

All of the big events are fun and exciting, but anyone who has travelled anywhere with their children knows that the real memories are in the unique details. Like my son busting his butt on the ice right in front of the Massachusetts State House after I had told him repeatedly to quit horsing around. Or his chasing (and almost catching) pigeons right in front of TD Garden. Or my telling him we were going to get meatball subs in North End (Little Italy), only for him to start ordering like we were at Subway when we arrived (I am still laughing). Or his inadvertently flipping off the entire crowd at the Hornets-Celtics game, an educational opportunity for dad if there ever was one.

For whatever reason, when we arrived at our hotel on Tuesday, we got upgraded to one of their nicest suites. I still don’t know why, but all of a sudden, my son became Kevin McAllister from Home Alone 2, and I became the best dad ever. And though I am almost positive I am not the best dad ever, we truly had the best time.

And just for a little icing on the cake (macaroni on the burger?), I now get to contend indefinitely with a child that wants to live in the Penthouse Suite in a hotel in Boston. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Have a great week.-Benj

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abk Lifestyle: Learning a New Religion

“If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good.”-Dr. Seuss

I remember pulling into a golf course down here a few years ago. It was a fall Saturday afternoon. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Picture perfect. In Charlotte, no tee times would have been available. But in Coastal Mississippi, the parking lot was empty. I literally remember thinking to myself, This is weird. What the hell is going on?

When I lived and worked in and around Uptown Charlotte for all those years, my focus was primarily on professional sports. Panthers and Hornets, Hornets and Panthers. I personally had season tickets to one, and through work, I might as well have had season tickets to the other. They were both fun experiences, extremely fun in the case of the Panthers’ 2016 Super Bowl run, but neither comes close to experiencing college football Saturdays living in the heart of SEC country.

By Wednesday, if the chatter hasn’t started earlier, I usually start really thinking about that weekend’s games. Who is playing who. Where the games are. What time. What channel. By the time I go to bed on Friday night, I’m ready for Saturday Service, the religion of SEC college football, and the preaching I am going to hear and see the next day. At first, I was unprepared, but now almost three years in, I haven’t yet joined as a member but let’s say I visit every week.

From my perspective as a golf course employee, on Saturday mornings in the fall, we bust it for a few hours starting just before 7am. Throughout the morning, College GameDay fills the background while I chit chat with all of our customers (and fellow employees) who is playing who, who is beating who and by how much. I likely have a few bucks on a few games, so I have to dig in. Home teams. Injury reports. Covid lists. At 11am CST, the first games come on and the first groups of golfers are finishing their rounds, ready to get showered up, get some grub, and watch SEC football for the rest of the day.

Around this time, I grab a shrimp po boy and see if the early games mean anything to me. Then I get back to it for a couple of hours, but the golf crowd slowly begins to subside. Just know, Ole Miss football trumps a perfectly beautiful day. The way my mind works, I say why not have both? So by 230pm, I’m ready to play a few holes myself, likely watching the mid afternoon kickoffs on my phone between shots.

There’s nothing like it. It’s truly a religion down here. Commandment 1: Nothing shall get in the way of College Football Saturdays.

I don’t take it that far, but when in Rome, why not create and enjoy a Roman lifestyle. Ideal weather, playing golf, watching college football, beautiful scenery, a few bucks here and there, maybe a cold drink.

I’m gone by 5pm, if not earlier, ready to see what the evening holds.

You hear about culture, but this is damn real. It’s like clockwork. It’s sacred. I’m not one for traditions, but…

Have a great week.-Benj

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abk Journey: Moments of Truth

“The most important conversations you’ll ever have are the ones you’ll have with yourself.”-David Goggins

During the month of December, by my standards, I was a slacker. Body pain, holiday food, and a slight general disinterest were the culprits for the time off, but I knew there would be consequences. Like everything along the journey, I just had to own it.

My favorite thing about golf is that I get out of it what I put into it. Grind away, and I get better. Take December off, and I start to suck.

“In life, there is no gift as overlooked or inevitable as failure. I’ve had quite a few and have learned to relish them, because if you do the forensics you’ll find clues about where to make adjustments and how to eventually accomplish your task.”- also David Goggins

Last Sunday, I played in a little informal $20 competition for the first time in eons. I stunk up the joint. I hit my driver everywhere. I never felt comfortable. My left wrist and right hip never went to work. I watched as two of my playing partners made mince meat out of the course, one quite surprising and one acting like the professional that he is. I felt light years away from the latter, which is odd given that two to three months ago, we played a round together step by step, shot by shot.

It was a good wake up call. Time to get back with the program.

It is an odd feeling to have done two and a half years of work, achieve what I have achieved, and literally feel like I am underachieving. I have been blessed with some incredible things that I can do with my body. I have been blessed with a sharp mind, an endless imagination, a never ending will, and an infinite ability to adjust.

But I have also been cursed with certain limitations on my body that I am constantly trying to push. I don’t think I am anywhere near maxing out those limitations, but it’s been a 25 year battle between the brain knowing what to do and the body being able to make the necessary adjustments.

We are not talking skipping down the street. We are talking about exact wrist angles, the hips and arms moving in beautiful rhythm, etc.

My first 2022 tournament is scheduled for February 21. The goal is to play nine to eleven tournaments this year: some pro-ams, some pro-pros, some individual championships.

If my competitive soccer past is any indication, I’ll have myself ready. I love a competition. I love an audience. I love to play when it means something.

Although, some afternoons I just want to come home and hug the kids.

Have a great week.-Benj

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Another abk Year

“That’s the key to success. Doing your thing, and just doing it and doing it and not being swayed by everything else going on.”-Designer Thom Browne

The highlight of the year was obviously the birth of the little cutie, Charli Win. That deserves its own mention.

But there were lots of other highlights. A new house in coastal Mississippi. Periodic jaunts to New Orleans. A trip to Pinehurst. Playing golf 271 days. Shooting a 3 under par 69. Coaching youth soccer. Trekking to Miami. Road-tripping to Far West Texas. Getting introduced to tournament golf. Multiple visits with family and friends, both here and there. Teaching golf to a full slate of students. A fall retreat in the woods. Becoming an assistant golf professional, PGA Associate, and playing in my first golf tournament as a professional.

This was a transition year for me where the grinding outweighed the adventure for the first time in a few years. Still free, but the percentages just slightly out of whack for my liking.

“Self mastery is the only game in town.”- my friend, Junior

I keep a running list of ideas in my notes on my phone. It’s my way to continue to understand, better, and challenge myself, and ensure I am living freely. The ideas range from long term and big picture to short term and going to happen in three weeks. To illustrate how my abk brain works, here is a literal cut and paste of my current notepad and the life I am focused on creating:

Specific golf tournaments, abk Consulting & Golf Academy, sports betting, Real Estate out West, Travel, skiing, NYC Marathon, Palm Desert, Tara Iti, La Bonbonera, 1-17-NYC/Hornets, 2022 Tourneys, PGA, 3-11-NOLA/Hornets court side , health, elbow, beach running, tattoos, CLT, Paradise Pointe.

It’s meant to be both realistic and ambitious. Adventurous yet not too bananas (though sometimes it does get bananas). Fun, limit-pushing, and rewarding.

I’ve got a million things that I want to do with my life, and around seemingly every corner, there are distractions, noise, and excuses ready to derail the train. For the first four years of abk, I’ve been a genius at batting it all away, designing how I wanted to live. For the last couple of months, I’ve felt the hunger lacking. Maybe I’m tired. Maybe this. Maybe that.

Whatever it is, the first order of 2022 is to get that hunger back.

Happy New Year!-Benj

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2017-2021: Turning a Thought Into a Thing

“Look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living within that way of life.”-Hunter S. Thompson

Though I couldn’t articulate it at the time four years and eight months ago, I wanted to live a certain way and offer an original contribution to this world. As the journey progressed, two criteria emerged.

Criteria 1: This would apply to all aspects of my life.

Criteria 2: I was not going to follow a road someone else had paved. I was going to do the paving.

“Once you have come here as a human being, you are supposed to be the master of your life.”-Sadhguru

All EXTERNAL ACTIONS would become intentional. My time would be spent pursuing activities and people that I found interesting, meaningful, and/or limit-pushing in an effort to create the best version of Benj to offer to the world. Very little time would be spent on all else. (I went to my first work meeting in over two and a half years last week. It lasted seven minutes, so I survived.)

So I began paving. I met hundreds of new people. I travelled to tons of new places. I reimagined a new lifestyle. I redefined so many categories. I unlearned as much as I could. I changed my mind a million times (In my opinion, the ultimate strength. In society’s opinion, the ultimate weakness.)

I did the travel. I did the golf. I did the work. And all of a sudden (not really), it turned into something.

“I love the process. I love getting better…I love everything about it. I even love that if you do everything right, you can still get screwed, and you have to be OK with it.”-LPGA golfer Danielle Kang

All INTERNAL REACTIONS would become intentional. More patient. More playful. More calm, at ease, and peaceful. I’ve done a lot of work on this. Lots of early morning reading, podcasts, and audiobooks.

If something made me mad, I stopped and asked myself why. If something made me nervous or anxious, I asked myself why. If I was scared of something, I asked myself why. I basically designed a lifestyle of complete uncertainty, so I forced myself to meet these issues head on.

In retrospect, the external acts of moving, starting a new career, etc. have been cakewalks compared to the internal work. Designing an awesome yet largely non traditional lifestyle is pointless if you care what anyone thinks about your designing an awesome yet largely non traditional lifestyle.

“Above all, I thirst for discoveries, travel, meeting other players, different cultures.”- Kylian Mbappe

It’s almost 2022. My list of interests is as robust as ever. I absolutely adore raising the kids with Christy.

I love waking up to sunrises over the gulf. I love the coastal and New Orleans flavor down here, the freedom of being outside all the time.

Sports betting really has my attention right now. I’ve got 8 or 9 golf tournaments I want to play in next year, about half which are in places I’ve never been. I want to keep teaching, learning, and getting better.

Plus, it’s time to hit the road again. Meet new people. See new places. Learn new things. And I hope that starts in January with one of my favorite places in the world.

Happy Holidays!-Benj

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abk Lifestyle: Redefining Work and Play

“A third way (to retire) is you’re doing something you love. You enjoy it so much, it’s not about the money.”-Naval Ravikant

I had to go to the bank the other day. Before the nice lady who helped me could handle the reason for my visit, she said she needed to confirm some personal information.

Are you still a banker?

No ma’am. I used to be for almost 17 years. Now I’m an assistant golf professional.

Wow. Age 39. Two lives already. First in banking. Now in golf.

Yes ma’am.

Is your email still ……..soccer@…..?

Yes ma’am.

Soccer? Did you play soccer?

Yes ma’am. That was actually my first life and first love. From age 3 through college and beyond.

So soccer? Then banking? Then golf? Three lives already?

Soccer wasn’t a profession, but it definitely was a life. I’m sure I’ll have more lives too. There’s so much I’m interested in.

One of the major topics that has driven the last almost five years of my abk lifestyle design is my relationship with the idea of retirement. I observe other people’s relationship with it daily, and it fascinates the hell out of me.

As someone who understands and accepts that I have a health condition that may not allow me to fully enjoy my later years…

As someone who understands and accepts that I don’t have the personality to ever just lay on a beach and do nothing…

As someone who understands and accepts that I have a lot of mini-lives that I want to live to fully complete my one beautiful life…

…I had to take matters into my own hands. I had to redefine the previously defined idea of early retirement.

As I’ve written about multiple times, I was once concerned with creating a blog, brand, or whatever, only to realize as the process unfolded that what I really wanted to create was a full, intentional life. As such, one of the things I am most proud of within the abk lifestyle creation is that the line between work and play is damn near invisible.

When I say I am going to play golf, I’m likely going to put in work. Contrastingly, when I say I am going to work, I am likely going to laugh, converse, and watch sports with folks for a good portion of the day. There are normal play things that I consider work, and there are lots of normal work things that I consider play. As Ravikant says, I’m always ‘working.’ It looks like work to others, but it feels like play to me.

On any normal day, I go at it for 10-13 hours, so it is vital to create the daily environment that I want to operate in. The first key is variety. It’s three hours of sunshine, two hours of exercise, five hours of work, two hours of teaching, and countless hours of studying, learning, and socializing. The second key is cultivating a real indifference to the 90+% of stuff that just doesn’t matter. In one ear and out the other. It’s a skill that can be developed.

(You can ask anyone close to me. I am a master at this. I am on a mission to help anyone that wants to get better, get better. To help anyone that wants to fulfill their potential, fulfill their potential. But to give any attention to bullshit and nonsense and so forth, nah. My time and inner peace is mine.)

Ignoring the noise and engaging regularly in all of the things I am interested in has been the secret sauce that has opened up so many opportunities for work and play. Continuing to explore and invest in that same secret sauce is how something really cool is starting to get built.

Somewhere along the journey, I realized that I just wanted to play. That’s what I enjoy. That’s what I’m good at. That’s why I’m here. But the play I’m talking about takes a lot of work, and it might take (more than) a lifetime to accomplish my vision.

But as long as it doesn’t feel like work, I know I’m on the right track.

Have a great week.-Benj

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abk Golf: Magical Moments

“But the point is that there’s no reason why I or anybody else can’t do it at a later age. It just takes a little bit more work.”-Phil Mickelson

4/17/19- Day 1 of the golf journey as a 14 handicap, low 90s shooting, very average, amateur lover of golf

959 Days- Grinded my ass off

Black Friday 2021- Fulfilled the last requirement needed to apply for the PGA PGM Program

11/30/21- Officially became a PGA Associate, which means a handful of things, one of which is now playing as a professional instead of an amateur

12/6/21- Played in my first tournament as a professional, the Six Pro Scramble at beautiful Mossy Oak Golf Club

The 17th hole at Mossy Oak is a relatively short Par 5, measuring 523 yards from the tees I was playing. It was my team’s sixth hole on a quite chilly day. I had made a nice birdie putt on our 3rd hole of the day, but otherwise I had struggled on the first five holes with how far (or lack thereof) my ball was flying in the cold and windy air.

I stepped up to the 17th tee, knowing the exact line I needed to choose for the ball to funnel back to the middle of the fairway. I smoked it exactly where I wanted, only to be outdriven by a few yards by one of my teammates that was teeing off about sixty yards in front of me. As the six of us gathered around the ball that we chose to play, I quickly realized I did not have a club in my bag for the shot that we had. 230 yards, uphill, in the cold air was too far for my 3 iron, but my 3 wood would fly over the green. Determined not to be short for the sixth hole in a row, I grabbed my 3 wood, choked down, and manufactured a little skanky bullet that ended up on the green about 60 feet below the hole. It was the best of the bunch, an unlikely eagle try, but that’s why we play the game.

As we surveyed the putt, we didn’t all agree what it was doing. My first teammate sent it long and right, my second teammate went just a little long, and my third teammate stopped it a foot from the hole ensuring the team a tap in birdie. After watching those three putt, I knew that the putt started about a foot left and, if hit at the correct pace, would snap right at the very end. As soon as I hit it, as ridiculous as this sounds, I knew that it was in. Five seconds later, it hit the pin dead center and dropped into the cup for an eagle. My boss, standing behind me, went bananas. My four other teammates, all professionals, were whooping and hollering, hyped as hyped can be. I just stood there. Frozen. Taking it all in. They’ve been doing this stuff for decades, half centuries, lifetimes.

After 959 days, and after my 6th ever hole as a professional, I was right where I was supposed to be.

Have a great week.-Benj

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The Evolution of abk in Pictures

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”-Leo Tolstoy

The Very Beginning
The Queen City
Bologna FC, Italy
NYC Round 1
Kissing the Bricks in Indianapolis
Dallas, Texas
Mexico City
My man, Junior
The Fishing Camp
Reykjavik, Iceland
The Boys
The Boys
Underwater Modeling
Last Day as a Banker in Charlotte
Eureka Springs, Arkansas
Dauphin Island, Alabama
One of my absolute favorite pictures-Oklahoma
Moab, Utah
The Boys
Chattanooga, Tennessee
The Day Kobe Passed-New Orleans
Birthday Boy
Mardi Gras
8th Birdie of the Day
New Crib
The Beautiful Game
Failure and Firsts
Mama and her Baby Boy
biggie. smalls.
Lil Mama
Endless Possibility-Big Bend National Park

Have a great week.-Benj

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The Evolution of abk

“There is no need to do what others are doing. You must do what truly matters to you as a life.”-Sadhguru

Saturday morning, it got a little chilly for the first time. As such, I broke out my superfine lavender cashmere Ralph Lauren Purple Label sweater. I hadn’t worn it in months, maybe years. When I got to work, not having seen it before, one of my new buddies stopped me and asked if it was new.

New, bro? This is a gem from my old life. Go to my Instagram. Scroll all the way down. Let’s take a walk down memory lane.

I sometimes ask myself what exactly anything but khakis®️ (abk) is? Is it a lifestyle, an attitude, a way of being, or a feeling? Is it a brand, a company, a journal, a website, all of the above, or none of the above?

One thing that cannot be debated is, when you scroll down to the bottom, it all started as a fashion blog. Just a man and his love for style!

It’s all connected. That’s what my good buddy, Junior, and I always talk about.

Clothes, hats, tattoos, jewelry.

Travel, adventure, curiosity.

Nature, variety, freedom, love, beauty.

Photography, creativity, writing, real estate.

Running, golf, sports.

Pushing limits, bucking the non-traditional, the contrarian nature, rewriting rules that desperately need to be rewritten.

All of these interests have led to my cultivating a real indifference for those many things that do not matter and a carefree intensity towards those things that really do.

It has been a pretty cool process (I have felt every emotion possible) to get to know myself as an adult with limited outside influence. To consciously, intentionally, and purposefully discover what I want out of life and then actually design and build it.

It’s my life’s work to introduce this concept to those around me by living and breathing the abk vibe every single day.

And to think I ever thought anything but khakis®️ was about a sweater.

Have a great week.-Benj

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Still Hungry: Eating (and Drinking) my Way Through the World

A few years ago, a group of family members took an autumn, long weekend jaunt to Lake Lure, NC. I remember very little about the trip outside of three things. We had fun. I climbed Chimney Rock with my sister. And whilst devouring a spread of North Carolina’s best, Bridges Barbecue, I watched my Carolina Panthers lose a tightly contested Thursday Night Football game to the Philadelphia Eagles.

Almost a year later, I remember when I touched down in Vegas for the first time. Just hours before takeoff, I had received a massive health scare that had me more than a little shook. (It later turned out to be a false alarm.) Combine that with Christy’s reaction to the airline’s misplacement of her luggage, and there were a few nerves dancing around Sin City that night. So when Kousin Kris, my caddie and trusty travel mate arrived, we decided to get right to it. Our Uber driver suggested an old school, mobster, Frank Sinatra kind of Italian restaurant called Battista’s near our hotel, and much to our delight, the carafes of red wine were on our table glaring at us immediately upon our arrival.

Just a couple of months later, I found myself having an otherworldly pasta in New York City, flying back to Charlotte to grab my son, and then heading to the farthest eastern reaches of the state to meet Christy. We ordered some insanely flavored Asian fusion and then watched my Carolina Panthers get battered by the Pittsburgh Steelers on Thursday Night Football, the night my boy Cam Newton’s demise began.

Apparently, I was still hungry, so I headed to Cleveland with a couple of friends for a Panthers-Browns GameDay and a super gluttonous meal. If I recall correctly, it had shades of Las Vegas written all over it. Land at the airport, (toss in some snow), EAT.

I’m still hungry, as last weekend’s autumn jaunt a few hours north proved. The chili glazed shrimp tacos were on point and the soul food, southern cooking BBQ touched my soul. But I’m a first night, set the tone kind of guy. Arrive in a new place, get the local recommendation, watch a ballgame and get to it.

But a funny thing happened this time. We picked up the crazy pizza. We arrived at the cabin in the woods. But when the website said there would be no wi-fi, damnit, they were not lying. LSU was giving Alabama all they had, I had a dollar or seven on the game, and I basically had to stand on my head to get an update.

But we had fun, and that’s all that matters. Well, that, plus my taste buds were happy and my belly was full.

Have a great week.-Benj

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