“I ran my second NYC Marathon back in 2018 almost completely with my mind.”- Benj
Over the past couple of months, I have taken an online class at Harvard called Managing Happiness, listened to multiple podcasts in a series called Mind Games, begun reading a book called Fearless Golf, and studied for a week out in Texas under multiple PGA Master Professionals.
I did some of this for me. I did some of this to help my ever growing and ever improving list of students. I did all of this because my fascination with the intangibles of life is as high as ever. Happiness. Mental strength. Emotional control. Confidence. Concentration. Commitment. Joy. Risk. Fear. Resilience. Grit. Stamina.
Did I really run over twenty six miles almost entirely with my mind?
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Six or seven years ago, with the help of my good friend Junior, I made a pact with myself that from that day forward, I was going to own my life story. Things that I wanted to do, I would do them. Things that I could not control or that didn’t matter, I would not think twice about them. Things I could control, I would control. And irrational fears, I would work to eliminate them.
Once I made the conscious decision to own my life story, I got to work immediately with much success. Through lots of daily, intentional, and internal work, I got better at all of the things above.
But when I started the golf journey, even as I got better and better, I noticed something very strange. This game, especially when played at a high level, is loaded with irrational fears. How could I be more afraid of missing a putt than of the eight foot alligator lying a few yards away?
There was work to be done.
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There are an infinite number of takeaways from these last couple of months of observing and listening to such high level thinking, but my favorite nugget was, You have a lot more control of your life (and golf game) than you think you do.
Much of this control stems from how good your mental and emotional stamina is, and what you are doing to improve it.
For years as an athletic but undersized teenager, I had to outsmart my opponents. As I matured into a more physical specimen, I had to rely less on the mental, yet it always remained clearly in the back of my mind as something that was important.
For years, I thought there was something wrong with me because I rarely showed outward emotion. Throughout the journey, I’ve acknowledged and worked to improve certain pieces of this, but having the ability to control my emotions remained clearly in the back of my mind as something that was important.
Just because I don’t show it doesn’t mean I can’t feel it.
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My favorite part of teaching golf is when my student and I get to the point when it is time to tackle the mental and emotional side of the game. When we’ve gotten passed the angles and tempos of the swing into the good stuff: the mind and the heart. When we stand on the tee box of a hole with sand and water, I ask them what they see. Inevitably, they then ask what I see, and our answers are rarely the same.
In the same way that I ran that marathon with my mind, I tell most of my students that my ability to get better over the past four plus years is primarily due to mental and emotional stamina, and that their ability to progress further in the future will have so much to do with their mental and emotional stamina.
They ask me how it’s done. What do you do? What do you practice? I tell them that I consciously practice thinking positive thoughts. I rarely ever just go through the motions. I don’t compare myself to anyone. I understand risk and reward. I consciously practice grit. I actively manage myself. I work to focus on the right things at the right time. I work to ignore those things that are irrelevant. In short, I actively practice all things mental and emotional as I know I have control over all these things.
It takes practice to be in control of your emotions. It takes practice to be in control of your mind. You must take care of your mental and emotional prowess just as you would your body. Just like you were practicing your swing or putting stroke. A massive portion of expansion of self, personal growth, the process, and the journey takes place in the mind.
Getting better is a conscious skill and activity.
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I’ve played and taught enough golf now that I’m no longer afraid of that putt. It either goes in or it doesn’t, and my life goes on either way. So what was I so afraid of? Was there something to be afraid of? Or had I just not done enough of the work yet?
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Have a great week.-Benj
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