abk Journey: When Things Go Off the Rails

For nearly five and a half years now, I have succeeded, for the most part, at living intentionally. If there was a place I wanted to go see, I went. If there was a skill I wanted to master, I got to it. If there were activities that peaked my curiosity, I dove right in.

As with anyone’s life, there were peaks, valleys, and surprises, but for the most part, I felt consciously in control of both my day and my life.

Roughly four weeks ago, however, I lost control of my daily intention. I know how it happened. I know why it happened. It is kinda, sorta still happening, but I’m excited to announce that I believe the end is near.

At the golf course, we are always trying to make things better. We’ve embarked on two massive projects in the past year, both of which tried my nerves a little during the process but ended up huge successes. We got into the nitty gritty of a third project about a month ago that also coincided with one of my colleagues leaving. All of a sudden, my days were filled less with golf stuff and more with trying to hire new people and get ready for the installation of a new software system.

I can’t tell you why, but this particular set of circumstances really grated on my nerves. I felt a little off internally. Simultaneously, it was about 9 million degrees outside, and I would go outside, teach a lesson, come back into the air conditioning, rinse and repeat. My body felt way off. I needed a break.

The break came in the form of a 2,000+ mile sports trip with my son that was absolutely brilliant, but upon my return home, the exhaustion was still there.

I jumped right back in. New software, training new people, blazing hot lessons. I was going through the motions. I was beyond excited for that next Monday off. I had announced to everyone including God himself that I was taking my daughter to school and then sleeping all day. It was a must.

At 9:39am that Monday morning, my phone rang. I didn’t answer. Then it rang again. And again. And again. It was my son’s school nurse. He had just thrown up in the middle of class. I needed to come get him. Thus started the week from Hell.

I called Christy. She said she felt like crap too. Monday and Tuesday were a bust. Wednesday, everyone seemed to be happy, but Thursday morning, the day my parents were flying in for Charli’s first birthday, I threw up about fifteen times. Later that evening, Banks was back to puking also.

I didn’t know if we would even get to see my parents (we did). We cancelled the birthday party. Everyone was still kind of on the fritz, and good God were we hungry!

Sunday came, and I had lost almost fifteen pounds. Christy made some comment to me about how I could relax THIS Monday. I told her I just had a feeling that would not be the case. Sure enough, it was straight to the doctor on Monday. CW had an ear infection, 103 fever, etc. I had effectively given up.

(Fifteen pounds lighter, I actually felt free and enjoyed spending the sick day with my daughter.)

I haven’t hit a meaningful golf ball in a month. That may seem trivial when compared to sickness and the like, but it’s the singular most important piece to what I’ve been building as a second career and lifestyle. Its success speaks to my credibility, allows my teaching business to grow, not to mention I take great enjoyment in being really good at something athletically.

I’m off tomorrow also. An intense reboot practice session is on the books. I’m excited, but I’m also more aware than ever that after I hit publish, honestly anything could happen.

Have a great week.-Benj

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