I get a lot of playful jabs at the office and other places because I like to wear suits. “There’s Benj in his fancy suits again. Benj, do you spend all of your money on fancy suits?” The funny thing about this is that I became attracted to style as a young man because I did not have to have money to be stylish. Similar to sports, I saw it as a great equalizer of people. Style is energy, swagger, imagination, creativity, and effort. And those traits do not cost a dime. Basically, I don’t care how much money you have, you can’t buy style. You can hire a stylist. You can buy expensive clothes. But you can’t buy style. And coming from a middle-class, rural upbringing, that was very attractive to me. I have been surrounded by all different levels of the economic spectrum in my life, and it intrigues me so much that there can be folks with limited resources who are super stylish, and people with all of the money in the world, and no style or taste. It’s like that movie The Italian Job where Ed Norton steals all of the gold, moves to LA, and spends it on items that all of his ex-friends wanted. Money coming out his eyeballs, yet no imagination. No creativity. No style.

To build my current wardrobe, I do have some high-end pieces, but also plenty of just regular and bargain items. For me, you have to put some money into certain things such as shoes and suits. I do not skimp there. However, I have no issue with most of my casual items being rather basic and inexpensive. My personal vice is accessories such as ties, jewelry, pocket squares, hats, and watches. I like them high quality, and I like that they each have a story to tell. My featured outfit last week was rather pricey. However, my outfit this week is super affordable. I love the shirt, and it cost $12.99 at H&M. And to me, neither outfit is any better than the other. Good style does not have a price tag, and I have found the best way to keep it interesting is to have a good mix of high and low-end items. In the past 3 months, I have gotten as excited to shop at the Marshalls on Rea Road in Charlotte as I did on Rodeo Drive in LA. The pieces I got in LA are super high quality, have a great story, but are rather expensive. The items from Marshalls are lower quality, no story really, but look great and didn’t cost a fortune. I like to maintain this high-low mix because it helps me adapt to people across so many walks of life. If I need to be at Quail Hollow for an event, I can feel comfortable and interact easily there. If I need to head to my hometown of Wingate, I can fit right in. It’s like I said last week about watching David Beckham and how he can adapt to any situation. I can do the Ritz all day, but I also love Taco Bell.

Every week, one of my goals of this blog is to have something not just about men’s style, but that will also make you think. Since we are talking about money today, I thought I’d give my two cents (no pun intended) to possibly spark some thought. Money, to me, is simply freedom to be who you really are and do what you really want.  Not status. Not anything else. I have been so lucky in my life and career to be surrounded by people who view money differently, and who have been willing to share these viewpoints with me. It has helped me shape my opinion, and here is basically how I look at it. After the bills are paid, I have four options for the extra money: Save it. Spend it on things. Spend it on experiences. Give it. I am most happy in my life when those four buckets are balanced. It’s no different than work-life balance except we are talking about money. I’ve seen people save a ton, but forget to experience life. I’ve seen people spend ‘til they were blue in the face, yet couldn’t sleep at night because they had nothing saved. I have no desire to tell anyone what to do with their hard-earned money, nor do I know what is important to you. However, if you have never thought about this, it is an interesting exercise. As a simple example, if I have $100 left over each month, I would save $25, maybe buy a new shirt for $25, put $25 away for a trip, and give $25 to The Humane Society. Keeps me very balanced.

My challenge this week is twofold. There are so many aspects of style that cost nothing. Smile more. Stand a little taller. Make eye contact. It costs $0. Try it. However, for those things that you want to do that do have a price tag, maybe the thought process above will help you get a little closer to doing those things that are important to you.

Have a great week.-Benj

It would be David Beckham. He is my style icon, and has been for the past 20+ years. No one is even a close second. My dog is named after him. My first tattoo was inspired by one of his first. And I will never have enough children to give all of my Beckham Man United jerseys to. Put it this way, if I could have a fantasy dinner party for four, it would be he and I, and we’d put our feet up in the other two chairs. Seriously, it is very strange how someone you’ve never come close to meeting can have that much of an impact on a certain aspect of your life. But he has on the way I view fashion and style, and its importance in how I live my life. The man owns every room he walks into, he is always dressed for the occasion, and he does it his way. The first point speaks to confidence, the second to respect, and the last to balls. He has worn some weird hairstyles and clothes in the past, but he owns it, and that taught me a lot about confidence. I can look at pictures of him today, and whether he is playing with his kids, going to workout, or meeting with the Queen, he is always on point. To me, he is respecting the situation or occasion. He is like a chameleon, always adapting perfectly to his surroundings and situation. I try to do that myself as I think about what each day may present. And lastly, he’s a trendsetter, and that takes courage. He’s made mistakes, had a blip here and there, and was ridiculed for certain things. Yet here he is today at age 42 as relevant as ever in life. What an inspiration.

Dressing appropriately for the occasion is a habit that can give you a little extra swagger each day. Today, we are going to talk about dressing for special events, an exercise that I have found to confuse most guys. My prime example is folks who have a wedding, gala, or some other special event to go to, and they just throw on a regular business suit and red tie. Come on guys! This is your time to shine. Your date has likely gone out of their way to look stunning, and you throw on the Tuesday business suit? I have a good friend whose job requires plain, simple clothes for work. No problem. I invited him to an event, and he showed up looking like a million bucks. Fitted dark suit. Crisp, slim white shirt. High-quality tie. Brilliant shoes. I was blown away. And if I take notice, you can bet others will as well. I call it respecting the occasion. If you look at the list of clothes that my friend was wearing, you have a great foundation for a special occasion wardrobe. Note: we are not talking black tie here, just a special event where your goal should be to look great. So let’s walk through it: Dark, slim suit. It must fit. Not black. Crisp, slim white shirt. Sounds boring. It’s not. Especially if you have a summer tan. Dark, medium-width tie. Maybe a pocket square to add some flair. Kill the crazy socks. Neither the time nor the place. Quality, quality shoes. Could be a loafer. Could be a lace-up. No square toes…ever again. If you pay a little attention here, your confidence will shoot through the roof, and you too can think about owning the room.

Any time I am looking for some style inspiration, I dial up some Beckham pics, and I immediately up my game. But who do I go to when I want to up my general life game? I’ve figured out that surrounding myself with people that challenge me is the best way to do life. I like forward thinkers, trendsetters, and trailblazers. These are folks that get me out of my comfort zone, and make me a better person. If I find myself too comfortable, it makes me uncomfortable. You will never hear me say I am content, or I am fine. When I ask someone how they are doing and they say “fine”, I have no idea what that even means. I like to be around people that are focused on moving forward, have a positive outlook on life, and have different perspectives than me. I rarely ever think about the past, unless it is to tell a good story or reference an experience that will make me better today. Otherwise, I am a present and future guy. Always moving forward. I also avoid negativity. I try to smile all the time. The world is full of negativity, and I just choose to focus on the positive. I don’t watch the news. You’ll rarely ever hear me complain. There is so much incredible stuff going on in this world, and that is where my attention goes. Lastly, I love to find people who have different perspectives on life and surround myself with them. Listening to different viewpoints of life is so valuable, and that is really where you learn and grow. I don’t know why you would surround yourself with people who think exactly the same way you do. I guess because it is comfortable. But if I want to talk to someone that has the same exact opinions as me, I’ll just talk to myself.

So I challenge you this week to think about what you enjoy and find interesting in people, and then find some of those people to build a relationship with. You may meet some people that are very different than you, and that is a great start!

Have a great week.-Benj

I try to never take a day off. Don’t get me wrong. I take every day of the 5 weeks of vacation that I have, but I try to never take a day off. See the distinction. Now I love the movie Office Space, and I love the phrase “Case of the Mondays”, but hearing it in real life drives me crazy. When someone says that to me, here is what I immediately think. “You are an adult. You are suffering from a fictional diagnosis. And this happens every 7 days?” And I usually just carry on with my day. Every day, I think about both what I have to do and what I want to do, and I just don’t ever see the reason to take a day off. Think about the things that you really want to do with your life right now. Are you doing them? I think about what I’m excited about right now: training for the NYC Marathon, learning a new piano duet with my mom, and writing this blog weekly. I make it a priority to include these things I want to do every day with what I have to do every day, and it makes my quality of life so much better. I feel like the societal standards of only working Monday through Friday and then relaxing Saturday and Sunday are so outdated. I have no problem working 6 or 7 days a week, sometimes at night, sometimes early mornings. But I also thoroughly enjoy myself during the week doing the things above in addition to hanging with family and friends and going out on the town. Lots of times, my Tuesdays are better than my Saturdays and my Wednesdays better than my Sundays. But it is because I do not neglect the things I really enjoy doing, and I try to make all seven days of my week a priority.

Interesting sidebar regarding Mondays: when you become a parent, Mondays become the best day of the week because day care is back open for business. Just trust me.

I also never take a day off from dressing the part. Again, that doesn’t mean I’m suited and booted every day, but I do put a little thought into what I walk out of the house in every day. I actually like that the world has gotten a little more casual. However, lots of folks seem to have confused casual with sloppy. Casual Fridays to me is cool. Sloppy Fridays doesn’t sound or look quite as good, does it? I typically do suit and tie Monday through Thursday, with varying degrees of formality depending on what’s on my plate every day. Fridays can go either way. A suit with no tie. A nice blazer with white jeans. Colored chinos with a fitted buttondown. Basically, anything but khakis and a polo. Then on the weekends, I go much more casual, but again never sloppy or disheveled. I love the new version of sweats and joggers, and I think they look great. My personal favorite is a brand called Uniqlo, and my personal style is to roll them up to my knees, put on a pair of Vans, and then head out. In last week’s blog, I mentioned getting rid of stuff. If you still have those old baggy, raggedy sweats from 10 years ago, they should go ASAP. Like while you are reading this. But the new stuff is light, nice and fitted, and not that expensive. Get a pair, or four. I have no way to prove this, but I am going to hazard a guess that I have met cool, interesting people on all seven days of the week. So to not be showcasing your best self on Mondays, Fridays, or any other day just makes no sense to me.

My co-workers make fun of me because I plan my entire week on one plain 8 x 11 sheet of paper. It is broken down by day and lists not only what I have to do, but also things I want to do that day. It is my de facto work calendar and social calendar, and it fits right into my pocket. If you were to look at it, you may see nine work things I have to do, but also six personal things I want to do. Take my son to get ice cream. Watch Suits. Play soccer. Read a chapter of Coach K’s book. Text my friends. Eat Price’s Chicken Coop on my deck. Don’t get me wrong, there is stuff that has to be done every day, but I make time to be able to do the things I enjoy, which is probably why I never take a day off.
Today is Memorial Day, and I hope everyone has enjoyed their day. I imagine there have been some parties and cookouts that everyone got dressed up for, and rightfully so. But I challenge you to pick a random day next week when it is not a holiday. Get dressed up. Go out. Enjoy. Most people will ask Why, but I say Why Not?

Have a great week.-Benj

A few weeks ago, this random girl stopped me and told me that she liked how my clothes fit.  I think I know what she meant, but it struck me as an odd thing to receive a compliment for.  She likely told me this because 90% of the guys I see Uptown every day are wearing clothes that do not fit correctly.  I occasionally see clothes that are too small, but the majority of what I see are clothes that are too big.  Now I am a tall guy, 6’4″ to be exact, and I wear a medium shirt. You would think I wear a large or XL being that tall, but I don’t.  Medium. All day long.  So first things first, learn what size you wear and buy that size.  Be honest with yourself.  Just because you wore a large in high school does not mean that is what you wear now.  Wearing clothes that fit is a quick, easy way to make yourself look 100% better.  Second thing. If you don’t have a tailor or alterations person, get to know one.  My go-to in Charlotte is Myers Park Tailors.  They have touched every suit, jacket, pant, and shirt that I own.  A good tailor can make a $300 suit look like a $1,000 suit.  And contrastingly, a very expensive suit not properly tailored will look extremely sloppy.  Pay attention to fit. Please.

So let’s forget about clothes for a second, and just think about finding the right fit in life.  This applies to a number of categories including relationships, career, where you live, and so on.  Finding the right fit can involve some trial and error and/or may take some time, but when you find it, the result can be fantastic. For example, I played soccer in college, and for a variety of reasons decided not to play my senior season.  It can best be described that it was no longer a good fit for me.  It was an extremely tough decision that I thought about for months on end.  However, that decision opened up the door for me to continue playing elsewhere in graduate school, which ended up being one of the best experiences of my life.  Literally the perfect fit.  Another example revolves around finding the right place to live.  I have wanted to live in the big city for as long as I can remember.  I love the skyscrapers, the sports teams, the restaurants, and all of the action.  10 years ago, my wife and I lived in a rural area, which was lovely, but didn’t have everything we were looking for.  We then moved to Charlotte about 15 minutes from Uptown.  Again, it was lovely, but didn’t have exactly what we were looking for.  So about a year ago, we finally found it: the perfect lot in the perfect location where we built the perfect house. I know life can be complicated and involves a certain amount of compromise, but you also have to be willing to pursue the things that fit who you are and what you are looking for in life.

When I was in my teens and twenties, I would oftentimes buy designer clothes that were on major sale, even if they weren’t exactly the right size. I thought, “it doesn’t exactly fit, but who cares, it is X designer.”  Big mistake. I have learned that one of the most important things about presenting yourself is wearing clothes that fit. It doesn’t matter if you wear $15 shirts from TJ Maxx, high fashion designers, or somewhere in between. Make sure it fits. If you are feeling a little inspired by reading this, I challenge you to go to your closet with a trash bag and fill it up with things that don’t fit and will likely never fit. Take that bag to Goodwill and you will be accomplishing two things at once: giving someone that really needs them the opportunity to buy these clothes for a few bucks, and not tempting yourself to continue wearing things that don’t fit.  While you are doing that exercise, turn on some tunes and think about if the things you are doing in your life and people you are surrounding yourself with are good fits for you. If so, fantastic.  If not, give it some real thought and consider doing something about it.

Have a great week. -Benj

I am going to go out on a limb that the next sentence may be the most bizarre way a new men’s style blog has ever started, but here goes. The first time I met my in-laws some 10+ years ago, I was wearing a Michael Vick (pre-dogfighting) Atlanta Falcons jersey. It was a time in my life when I had an affinity for sports jerseys, but I have no idea why I even owned this. I am a huge Carolina Panthers fan and avid dog lover, but nonetheless, here I was, meeting the parents of my future wife for the first time, wearing a Michael Vick jersey. It is a wonder they didn’t run the other way, and tell their daughter to do the same thing too. I love telling this story because in the years to follow, I have realized how important first impressions are to me and just in general. Think about people you know. Whether you realize it or not, you develop an opinion almost immediately upon meeting someone, and vice versa, and much of that is based on appearance. I have no idea what my in-laws initially thought about me, but I assure you I have never worn a football jersey to an important first meeting ever again.

The thing about first impressions is that they can either guarantee you get the opportunity for a second impression, or they can guarantee you will not get that opportunity at all. I am not a big fan of chance, so I have always opted to guarantee I get the opportunity to pursue what I want. I do this by presenting myself in a manner that causes you to remember me, hopefully in a good way. If you have never met me, all you can initially judge me by is how I look: my clothes, am I standing tall and smiling, and so on. If that appearance is intriguing, who knows what may happen? People want to know more.

To the above point, I received a phone call a few years ago from our local NBA team, the Charlotte Hornets. They were doing an advertising campaign that featured different types of fans, and they were looking for someone that fit the “suited up” mold. I was a season ticket holder at the time, and the young lady on the phone indicated that their office had seen me at games, loved my outfits, and wanted to know if I would be a part of their shoot. I had never talked to any of these people minus my season ticket rep, and next thing I know I was hanging out on the court on Media Day with the players, coaches, and staff. All because of the impression my style had made on this group of people.

Do you ever think about how you want to present yourself to the world? Maybe you should. It can open up a lot of doors, and personally has presented me with lots of life experiences I may not have had otherwise. I literally think about this every day. What do I have to do today? What do I want to do today? Who do I have to see? Who might I see? I adjust my wardrobe accordingly. It works, and people take notice. When I see someone that has on a cool piece of clothing, glasses, etc., I make sure to tell them. My hope is that it gives them a little more confidence in themselves to achieve whatever they want to achieve that day. You don’t have to be that fancy guy in a fancy suit. You may be the jeans and t-shirt guy, or the guy with the cool hats. But figure out who you are, present yourself that way, and present the best version of yourself.

Oh, and don’t ever wear a football jersey to meet your future in-laws.

Have a great week. -Benj