A couple of months ago, this article popped up in one of my social media feeds called “Your Facebook Life Doesn’t Fool Me”. Google it. It’s very interesting, witty, and basically says that all the perfect posts that people put up on social media are a façade for the real, gritty, imperfect lives that everyone leads. I was intrigued, and for the most part was in agreement. But then I read this one line that stuck with me that addressed the reader and said “You’re hanging out in Middle American hell with the rest of us.” And I literally stopped and wrote that down, because I am not on board with that. Never will be.

Okay, so remember when you were a kid and you wanted to grow up and be a professional athlete or fireman or whatever? It was a dream. So why, at some point, do we stop chasing our dreams and just grind into Middle American hell?

I want you to stop what you are doing right now. I assume there are only adults reading this, so the professional athlete dreams now may have morphed and consist of wanting to be a lawyer, a father, owning your own business, and so on. I want you to ask yourself as you sit here right now what your current dreams and goals consist of, and if you are chasing them. I am 35, and my dreams are alive and well. This year, I am doing the marathon. Next year, I want to play PDL or minor league soccer (yes, at 36). I made it to the final stage of tryouts with the Columbus Crew of the MLS when I was 24, but never fulfilled that dream. By 2019, I want to be a scratch golfer. I want to help the Charlotte style scene become more prominent, and immerse myself in the style/fashion scene in as many ways as I can. I’d like to see more of the world, and possibly travel regularly for work. These are bona fide goals that I have in addition to my family and career. And I’m gonna go after them.

I get this mindset from my mom. She is a professional pianist, and has been her entire life. She teaches at Wingate University, plays concerts, plays at church, funerals, weddings, pretty much anything. I didn’t realize until I was a young adult that not everyone grew up with a beautiful piano in their living room. I thought that was the norm. See, piano is my mom’s passion, and for her entire life this is what she has done. She found a way to weave her passion into her career, and I admire that so much. I asked her recently if she ever got tired of playing, and that was the quickest “no” I have ever heard. And through this, I realized that one of the qualities I most respect in people is their choosing to go through life their way, not some template prescribed by society.

Society has a way of leading everyone into doing the same thing. That’s what I see, at least. Get married. Have 2.5 kids, whatever that means. Buy a big house in suburbia with a white picket fence. Wear khaki pants. Now, if that is what you want, go bananas. But if that is not what you want, you don’t have to be like everyone else. Your dream is your dream, not society’s. I ask my wife periodically what she individually wants out of life. As my son gets older, I will encourage his unique interests. I, personally, could care less about what society (or anyone else for that matter) tells me I should do. I’m doing what I and we (my family) want to do.

I like to be unique. I don’t do it for the attention. It’s who I am. It’s exhilarating. It’s fresh. I wear my watch on the “wrong” hand. I carry a turquoise Gucci wallet every day. I change my hairstyle 2-3 times per year. I may add 1 or 2 tattoos each year. My jeans could be covered with holes. You will see me in a huge straw hat. I might let my beard grow for 2 months. And I may wear 10 bracelets one day, along with my black diamond skull ring. I’m starting to get more and more messages each week from people wanting to slowly step outside their comfort zone now that they are hearing a voice saying that it’s okay. I say, not only is it okay, it is encouraged. When I walk through a crowd where everyone looks exactly the same, I just yawn and carry on. But when I see someone that looks or acts a little different, I want to know more. I admire eccentricity and the courage to be a little different.

I have this quote that I love that reads, “When you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” It is applicable to some things and not applicable to others, but it has served as a good guide for me to always be myself. This week, think about what your own unique desires are in life, and how you can position yourself to achieve them in the future. Family is important. Group stuff is important. But paying attention to yourself and achieving some of your unique individual goals is too. It’s not selfish. It’s vital.

I’m headed to Italy this week and part of next, so who knows if next week will have a post?  Between the soccer, fashion, pasta, and red wine, I may never come back. (I likely will, but don’t put it past me.)

Have a great week (or two).-Benj

I’m starting this week out with a quote I read a couple of weeks ago. It is credited to someone named C. Bukowski, but I simply read it on an email I got from the Nashville store Imogene+Willie. “Style is the answer to everything. A fresh way to approach a dull or dangerous day. To do a dull thing with style is preferable to doing a dangerous thing without style. To do a dangerous thing with style, is what I call art.”

I’ve got soccer on my mind this week because, well, I always have soccer on my mind. But even more so this week because the EPL has started and my team Manchester United is flying. Wingate Soccer kicks off this week. I have been in Salt Lake City and was able to catch a Real Salt Lake game that my pal Luke (Wingate grad) played in. And lastly, I’m headed to Italy next week and trying to figure out which game I am going to see. I started playing soccer when I was 3 years old, and I was immediately hooked. I played all the other sports throughout my youth and still enjoy most today, but nothing even comes close to my love affair with soccer. It has a flair, a grace, and an art that is inimitable. The nuances, angles, and small details can make even a 0-0 draw enjoyable if you know what you are looking at. I have a tattoo on my left arm of a soccer ball on a bed of roses that reads “Style Passion Beauty”. Pretty much sums up how I think soccer should be played and life should be lived.

I talked about numbers in last week’s blog, and they are important because we live in a results-based world now. I am on board with that. But here’s my argument this week: the “how” you do something is just as important as the result. There will be a lot of people that disagree with me on this, and that is fine, but think about it for a minute. Let’s start with soccer, or any sport for that matter. Ever watched a game that your team won, but it bored you to tears? On the other hand, ever watch a game that your team tied or maybe even lost that was super exciting? I remember a couple of United-Barcelona games years ago that ended 3-3. I could have watched them on repeat because of how the games were played, not the end result. Great goals. Excitement around every corner. It can be applied to so many things in life. There are people that I have worked with that I listen to how they talk to people. How they negotiate. The results usually come, but it is the how that I pay attention to. We are having a big party at our house on Saturday, and my wife goes all out. In her eyes, it is either “let’s do it right or not do it at all”. Usually ends up being a great party, and I very much admire that quality in her. It should extend to the other realms of life too. Either do it or don’t…no mediocrity.

One other point on the end result versus the journey along the way. I’ve been doing a fair amount of travelling, and plan to continue that into the foreseeable future. I have no end goal, but I know some people do. Visit all 50 states. Visit every major league ballpark. So on. Cool goals, but it is really the “how you do them” that is the enjoyable part. Y’all know I’m running the NYC Marathon November 5th, and that is an end goal I suppose.  Fine. But along the way, here is what I decided. Run a 5k in Charlotte. A 10k in Nashville. A half marathon last weekend in Salt Lake City. Enjoy new places. Eat and drink locally. Visit friends. Try new things. Shop. Run hard. Test your limits. The end result is hopefully a strong finish time in NYC. But when I get my new tattoo soon thereafter on my chest (already designed) commemorating the journey, it will be the full experience I think about, not just what happens on November 5th.

Right now, soccer stars along with NBA players and other athletes are some of the most stylish people in the world. Y’all know I love David Beckham. But google Andrea Pirlo real quick or check out his Instagram. You’ll never see these cats walking around in baggy khaki pants. Their clothes fit. They wear scarves and cool hats and cardigans for casualwear. When they need to get dressed up, they get dressed up. I know they have enough money to do whatever they please, but take a few cues. When I’m stumped for a night out, I will take a peek at these guys for inspiration, not the guy across the cube farm. I truly believe that your attitude takes on the same persona as the clothes you are wearing. Wear a cool pair of sunglasses, a perfectly tailored suit, anything with a little pizazz and you will get a little pep in your step. Walk around with ill-fitting items, a bland outfit, or looking like everyone else, well…

This week, think about the quote above and the “how” you do life. No reason to be average. Dig in, and get after it. On the clothing side, check out some soccer players and Italian companies for some inspiration. I just opened my Instagram, and up popped Beckham, Pirlo, and the companies Kiton and Isaia. The stuff is crazy expensive, but just put your eyeballs on it. Style. Swagger. Flair. Then find your price range, and use their stuff as a guide to try something new. I wore a bandanna as a scarf all weekend in Utah…had never done it before…loved it.

Have a great week.-Benj

Social media baffles me. See, I am just young enough to understand parts and pieces, and just old enough to have not a clue. So we have hit the 90 day mark for my blog, and I want to share some things with you. I have 377 Facebook friends, 193 Instagram followers, 307 LinkedIn connections, 103 Anything but Khakis followers, and 75 email subscribers. Considering I was completely off of social media this time last year, well, who cares. My website provides analytics, so by my analysis I have 300-600 regular readers each week, 25-50 new readers each week, and much more if I do something out of the norm like write an article for some publication. Speaking of, my article for Charlotte Agenda has 28,833 reads. It was picked up by a second online publication and received a 100% read rating, whatever that means. Approximately 420 people (based on comments) think I am a complete moron. My actual website has had 5,509 reads and 2,892 unique visitors. Thousands more via my friends’ shares and reads on LinkedIn. 5 continents. 24 countries.

So what’s my point? I have no idea what to make of any of that above. Seems like a good start for my first 90 days. But here’s the deal, all I care about is actually helping people with style, creativity, fashion, and being the best version of themselves. In the first 90 days, I’ve learned that I hate constantly taking pictures of myself, I really love writing, and that it can be (very) uncomfortable to put myself out there. But every week when I get social media messages, emails from complete strangers, or texts from friends asking me questions or telling me how the blog impacted their life that week, it is all worth it. Even if it is just one freaking person. I started this blog because people told me I had style, and because of that, people paid attention to me. So I decided, it was time to speak up and help. Fashion seems like such a surface subject. But style…style is so much more. It’s how you live your life.

In college, I majored in finance and economics and minored in mathematics. I’m a numbers guy who loves fashion. Weird combo. Anyways, my economics advisor Dr. Caudle and my math advisor Dr. Russell were cut from two different cloths, but man did they have an impact on me. Dr. Caudle went to Duke, so he was smart as a whip. He then did his graduate work at Colorado-Boulder, and thus he was as laid back as they came. I had never encountered that demeanor, but man was he cool. He wore jeans and tennis shoes most days. He taught me a ton of actual useful information, but the one that sticks with me today was how to read the Wall Street Journal. Like legitimately how to get the most useful info from a daily publication that would take all day to read. That was style to me…laid back, brilliant, how to read a newspaper. On the other side, Dr. Russell may have never worn the same outfit twice in my four years. He was either in suit and tie or blazer and tie 99% of the days I saw him. He was also a sports nut. I was mesmerized from Day 1. He would walk in with a pinstripe suit and perfectly tied tie, and we would snap to attention. He commanded respect. He would start every class by looking each of us in the eye, and then rattling some crazy statistic from SportsCenter the night before to get us talking. This was the guy who was teaching me Calculus III?? My lasting memory of him is one day he was teaching us, and we all had simply had enough. There were about 20 minutes left in class, but he could see it in our eyes. He crumpled up his notes and tossed me the paper ball and said, “Benj, if you can throw that in the trash can across the room, class is dismissed.” So I did. And class was over. That man was the epitome of style.

I got introduced to this guy a few weeks ago, and I told him I wrote a style blog. The first thing he said was “How many Instagram followers do you have?” I told him the small number, and he was ready to walk away. Not one to be dismissed that easily, I then told him about the sizeable number of readers I had in such a short period of time, and then he wanted to be my best friend. Had no idea what the actual blog was about, just judged me on random numbers. I find it fascinating that random Joe’s can have a bazillion followers. I could care less…I am not trying to become a cult leader here. I sincerely hope that I help a few folks each week become a more confident, better version of themself. Whether it is the clothes or the life piece makes no difference to me. If I can help one person find a new tailor in Charlotte, or make 29,000 people take a closer look at themselves, it’s all worth it.

This week, think about what your unique gift is and how you can use it to help others. I’ve had mine for years but used it to help others rather sparingly. I’m 90 days into changing that. Also, keep thinking about and developing what your unique style is. I talk about two folks I admire above that are on different ends of the visual style spectrum. But how they did things…couldn’t have been more stylish. More on my definition of style next week, but first I’m headed out West again for another chapter of “work hard, play hard”.

Have a great week.-Benj

First off, I know I am not Jesus. Need to get that out of the way. I can see some of you who don’t really know me asking who this guy thinks he is. Heck, probably some of the people who do know me. Anyways, due to popular demand, this week I am going to let you all in on the secrets of how I shop, with the focus on finding bargains and making them look like a million bucks. Similarly, I’m gonna slip in a few nuggets about encountering tough situations and keeping a positive attitude. See what I’m doing…water into wine.

I’ve written in a previous post about some of my clothes being expensive and some being rather inexpensive, and today I’m gonna give you the method to my madness with the focus on the inexpensive stuff. I buy about a third of my wardrobe on my travels, and these are typically the rather expensive pieces from high-end stores in other cities. Tom Ford. Gucci. Hermes. I get another third online, and these are typically staples like jeans, sweats, dress shirts, etc. I keep Ralph Lauren, Uniqlo, J. Crew, Charles Tyrwhitt, and others saved in my favorites, and update those pieces 2-3 times per year. The final third I get here in Charlotte at two specific locations. And guys (and girls), I don’t like to shop any more than you do, so I will pick a random day a few times a year and hit the Marshall’s at Blakeney and the Outlets off of I-485 in Southwest Charlotte. At the outlets, I spend most of my time at Saks Off 5th and Nike. But they also have a pretty strong Cole Haan store, Coach Men is on fire right now, along with some others. At Off 5th and Marshall’s, I will dig, and there are always hidden gems if you know where to look. In the past I have picked up Armani, Dolce & Gabbana, Gucci. Suits are often buy 1 get 1 free. I will even go to these two, find something I love, wait a few months for no one to buy it, and come back for it to be even more heavily discounted. I have been doing this with huge success my entire adult life. Some examples in the pictures this week: 2 ties from John Varvatos USA and 1 from Hugo Boss. $10 each. A blue woven belt from Italian powerhouse Canali for $35. White Nike trainers for $20. A fuchsia tee from American Apparel. $4. A Levi’s Western shirt for $29 and blue cardigan from Marc Jacobs for $40. A charcoal fall blazer from Calvin Klein Collection for $50. I could go on and on. The outfit of the week this week is $30 for the Diesel shirt, $20 for the Saks pants, $30 for the Vans shoes, and $35 for the Canali belt. You just have to be willing to take a little time at these two places and dig. They might be last season, they might be off season, or they might simply be an overrun from a designer. But I have filled my closet with these pieces for years, received compliments, and then said to myself “Welp, that only cost 15 bucks”.

I also like custom pieces. Like literally things that no one else in Charlotte and possibly the world has. Most of the time I associate the word custom with expensive, but here recently I’ve been getting creative for almost no money at all. Ya’ll have probably seen the USA denim jacket. Got that at Marshall’s for $30 because the right shoulder was ripped. Actually made it more awesome in my opinion. I’m starting to sew patches from my travels onto the back, making a truly unique piece that will be a work in process for years. I just made a custom teal and pink baseball cap. The actual cap was given to me. The patch cost $5. Boom. The only one in the world. I covered one of my nicer hats with lapel pins from LA and Miami, and I made a bracelet out of a strip of denim used to wrap a gift I bought in Nashville. Trash to treasure. Water to wine. Get creative. Be unique.

Finding quality, inexpensive clothes and wearing them with confidence is something that indeed matches my personality. Similarly, I am also very keen on finding the positive in any situation. Unless it is truly life or death, I honestly live by the phrase “It’s gonna be okay”. And the reason I live this way is because of two things that were told to me in my teenage years, and they are basically the same thing. I was a kicker for my high school football team, and in one particular game I missed 2 relatively short field goals. I thought I was going to die, if one of my teammates didn’t kill me first. My coach was none too pleased with me, but offered these words after the game. “Benj, the situation is never as good as you think it is, but it is also never as bad.” He could have told me to just quit missing easy field goals, but instead I got something that is now a guiding principle for my life. My brilliant older brother told me a similar thing numerous times. “You are never as good as you think you are, but you are also never as bad.” These words serve double duty as they keep you humble when you are high but pick you up when you are low. Good times come and go. Bad times come and go. Make some more good times. It’s gonna be okay.

You now know some of my shopping secrets, so take a look. There is nice, reasonably priced, designer level stuff at these places. Sometimes I wonder to myself why I look at some of the clothes I see every day that are mediocre at best, and know that they cost more than this stuff I am telling you about. Take a few hours and get you some stuff, and as always, please make sure it fits. We are getting close to fall, so this is a perfect time to get some new pieces for the closet. Consider taking my advice above. It’s worked very well for me for 20 years. Also consider taking a more positive outlook on life. It’s good for the soul, and people like being around you much more.

Have a great week.-Benj

Ever been on a vacation where the recovery period was as long or longer than the actual trip? Well, that just happened to me here recently. Vacation out west was 5 days. Finally got my mojo back 6 days after I returned. So needless to say, during that 2 week period, I didn’t get a whole lot of physical activity in. And that normally wouldn’t be any issue, except that I am running the NYC Marathon in 14 weeks. You know that saying “1 step back, 2 steps forward”? Well, that didn’t apply here. More like 16 steps back…oh well.

I ran a 5k in June in Charlotte, and a 10k in July in Nashville, so I have been doing some training. But starting last Monday, it was time to dig in, and so I did. I’ve made a deal with myself that come race day November 5th, I am going to be in the best shape of my life…at the age of 35. Which is a tall task, as I was in pretty darn good shape for years as a collegiate soccer player. So the first thing I need to tell you is that I do not like to run. Not even a little. But I wanted a steep physical challenge to prove a little something to myself, and tough tests are what make you stronger in life. So I’m doing a half marathon somewhere in the US in about a month, and then NYC in November.

Okay, so I started serious training last week. I lifted weights 4 days, did core training 5 days, played golf one day, and ran and biked about 25 miles. As I sit here, I feel like Floyd Mayweather is continuously punching my upper body, and Conor McGregor is kicking nonstop at my knees. I woke up last Wednesday to play golf, and I couldn’t raise my left arm above my head. (Made 2 birdies.). But here’s the thing, I am happy as a lark. The phrase “hurts so good” is applicable here, and I feel so accomplished every day. This is going to be the ultimate test of grinding for months behind the scenes for what I hope will be one spectacular experience. For those who know me, I’m not headed to NYC just to finish, I’ve got a time in mind to beat.  So I have to put the work in.   No shortcuts.

Since I’ve started back to the gym, it has allowed me to see what people are wearing to workout these days. And per usual, the girls look nice with their tights, short workout shorts, and tanks, and we guys are wearing t-shirts that we got sophomore year of college. If you are going to workout, get some proper workout clothes. The stuff for guys these days is fantastic. Proper training or running shoes. Athletic socks. Workout shorts that hit mid-thigh or slightly below. A light tank or tee in the newest technology and the correct size. This stuff is not only functional, but also stylish. I’m not a fan of the crazy neon stuff as I feel it has had its day, but definitely toss the old, cotton t-shirts and the shorts that double as capri pants. Ditto the white calf socks with holes in them. I can’t even believe I have to say that.

We’ve got a big week for the readers in Charlotte this week, with the Panthers first preseason game Wednesday and Quail Hollow hosting the PGA Championship all week. Re: the golf, quick reminder that you are not playing in the tournament, so there is no need for you to dress like you are. Leave the golf shoes at home, and unless you are under 13, please do not dress like Ricky Fowler. I’ll be in a simple polo, a nice fitting pair of shorts, and a clean pair of Vans. Perfect outfit to grab a few drinks, walk around the most stunning property, and watch the best golfers in the world.

So as you enjoy this week, do you have some goals set for yourself and your life? Are you willing to put the work in to get better, whether the goal is physical or otherwise? Sometimes you gotta grind and feel a little pain to get to the promised land. And as you hit the gym, run the streets, or head out to the many social events happening this week, feel free to work a little style into your plans. I’ll be out on the town all week, so I hope to see you around.

Have a great week.-Benj

Ever heard of a million dollar suit? Yeah, me neither. Sounds ridiculous, so it’s a good thing that’s not what I am talking about this week. I don’t watch much TV. Mainly sports, and then two shows. But my two shows…I love them! Million Dollar Listing and Suits. Both shows have two characteristics that keep me glued week in and week out: the main characters are hungry and love to win, and they are impeccably dressed.

So let’s get down to business this week. Suits is about a corporate law firm based in New York City, and the lead character is a high-powered attorney named Harvey Specter. Some of the words that I think of when I think of Harvey are confident, winner, leader, and closer. He loves a good battle and a good negotiation. He may come off as brash on the outside, but deep down he really cares about people. I can relate. I love to do deals, but I also care about my clients and my co-workers, and I love to see all of their successes. And I take it all very seriously, including the way I dress each day. 95% of the time you see Harvey on the show, he is impeccably dressed in a custom suit. He means business, and his presentation conveys that. Dark, custom suit fitted to perfection. White dress shirt with a stiff, tall collar. Dark, thick tie with a nice dimple that hits right at the belt buckle. Black lace-up shoes. Simple, white pocket square. Always clean shaven with a professional haircut. That’s his style, and he has it down perfectly. Every single episode.

I am not required to wear a suit to work. But I like to. It’s like my body armor, and I’m as comfortable in one as I am sweats. With the world having gotten increasingly more casual, I think people appreciate someone in a nice suit. Makes you stand out. But for me, I feel the quality of my work and my professionalism is much higher in a suit than just rolling in wearing some chinos and a button-down. I can’t imagine closing a deal, negotiating a deal, or even having some of the tough conversations I have to have in business casual. Just feels weird. So my go-to is similar to Harvey above. I love the dark suit, white shirt, dark tie, white pocket square, and professional haircut. But I do brown shoes, not black, and I am never clean shaven. Not my style. Always a nice watch. Even in 2017. I know your phone tells you the time, but it’s just not the same.

So the point of this week is to encourage everyone to embrace their own individual style. Harvey has his. I have mine. Hopefully, you have or can develop yours. I wore the “required” black dress shoes for years in my twenties, but every day I wore them I felt off. Turned out it just wasn’t me. So I canned them. Find “you”, and then invest in the best stuff in your style that you can afford. In the current season of Million Dollar Listing New York, there is a new real estate broker named Steve Gold that has joined the show. He is super casual. Long hair. Wears t-shirts, sweaters, skinny jeans, and so on. Yet he closes multi-million dollar deals, and I love his swagger. It took me a week to get used to him, but he is my new fave. Harvey and Steve have completely opposite styles, but they both have style. I read something this week about how no particular style is any better than the next, and I agree 100%. You would have no clue if you saw me on the weekend that I was a banker during the week, and I like it that way. The key is to just have some style, and if you are lacking it now, it can be developed. A little effort, attitude, or swagger added each day is a great start. So is a nice watch or belt (see my Pics and Details page).

I know we are talking about TV shows here, but my hope is that it might inspire you or at least make you think. Do you take your livelihood seriously each day? Are you still hungry? Do you wake up and want to win? As ya’ll know, I believe seriously that a piece of that attitude involves how you present yourself each day. Look better. Feel better. Do a better job. Win. And there ain’t nothing wrong with winning!

Have a great week.-Benj

Wow, two weeks in a row referencing popular old school rap songs for my title…what kind of blog is this?

Anyways, I spent the last five days in Montana and Wyoming with three guys that I met just under two years ago at a bank conference. They live in Wyoming, Iowa, and Alabama. Before this week, we had spent roughly 15 days together in person going to training classes, playing golf, and having a drink at the bar. Can you really know someone after 15 days…who knows? Nonetheless, we decided to plan a guy’s trip, which was what this last week was all about. Since we haven’t known each other that long, I got asked by several people leading up to this trip “What if you get up there and don’t really get along?” I figured, worst case, I could hop on a bison, ride it back to the airport, and come back home. Joking, of course.

My point is that we sometimes miss out on incredible life experiences by overthinking things. I hear so many people talk about “we should do this, we should do that”, yet it never ends up happening. I landed back in Charlotte last night about midnight, and quickly assessed that this was one of the best freaking trips I have ever had. We golfed four times. Went to Jackson Hole. Did Yellowstone. Fly-fished. Beer Festival. And just talked and laughed for days. And to think, I could have missed out by overthinking it or never actually pulling the trigger. I have numerous examples within the past year where the easy decision would have been to not take the trip. But I rarely ever make the easy decision…just not how I roll. My wife and I squeezed in a trip to New York City last fall from a Wednesday to a Friday. It did not make sense logistically. We powered through, and it was an absolutely fantastic trip. I journeyed out to Kansas City last year to see my Wingate Soccer boys win the National Championship, and encouraged some friends to join. “What about this? What about that?” everyone said. Just get out here, would you? It was an experience for the ages, and one that I would have been truly disappointed to miss.

I didn’t know what to expect on the style scene going into the Wild West, but I was truly impressed. Lots of individuality, which ya’ll know I love. I saw unique cowboy hats, belt buckles, western shirts, and so on. Lots of interesting tattoos on people, which always intrigues me. Since it fits with today’s theme, I have two tattoos on my right arm opposite from each other that say “dream big” and “live”. It reminds me that the dream is pointless without the execution. I love to go to new places and immerse myself in their unique culture. I basically brought an extra bag so that I could load up on some local gear to bring back to Charlotte. I got an incredible cowboy hat. Some silver and turquoise jewelry made in the Southwest. A beaded bracelet. A shirt from a local Montana company, and a baseball cap from my buddy’s fishing store. Unique. Stylish. Authentic. The only thing I couldn’t find was a belt buckle to my liking. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to take another trip.

My challenge this week involves some brilliant advice from a retired co-worker whom I respect dearly. He has a vacation home, and I once asked him if he ever felt like he had to go to it regularly instead of trying out new places. He basically told me unless I just really, really, really love one spot…go see the world. And that’s why I was in Montana and Wyoming last week instead of Myrtle Beach. Try a new vacation spot some time. Just because. Good gosh, it might just be awesome! And when you get there, buy some local stuff. They will be unique items to wear when you get home and will provide you with visible reminders of one of the best trips of your life. Come to think of it, I’m going to go to put on my cowboy hat now…

Have a great week.-Benj

Imagine you are a rather private person. And then imagine doing something that causes thousands of people to start talking about you, with hundreds of those same people insulting, questioning, or making fun of you. To make it more interesting, there is a strong chance that you may run into many of these people soon at a restaurant, bar, or just on the street. Well, that is what my Thursday of last week looked like, and it is also what I believe to be the exact definition of “stepping outside of your comfort zone”. Stepping outside of your comfort zone isn’t easy, but it is often necessary to grow and get better. Would I do it again?  Absolutely.

So I wrote this little article last week about blue shirts and khaki pants (you may have read it lol), and who knew
such a mundane topic could stir up so much controversy in Charlotte? I did, of course. But let’s not forget one major thing. The article is true. I’ve worked in Uptown specifically for the last five years…and my eyes don’t lie.  Most of the guys dress exactly the same.

So now that we are back in the safe confines of my blog, let’s dive in a little bit. First, let’s talk about what the blog is all about. We don’t do style rules here at ABK. The world has enough goofy rules, and no one likes to be told what to do. I sure don’t. So we do suggestions. Guidance. Advice. Anything but khakis can be taken extremely literally i.e. don’t wear khakis (I don’t), or you can think about it’s deeper meaning for a second. Be unique. Don’t be boring. Live life to the fullest. Don’t conform. And so on. I partially convey this message to the world in the way that I present myself, and I am a true believer that if you take a little pride in your appearance, you feel better about yourself, and then you go attack life.

Re: the literal meaning…if you are someone that wears blue shirts and khaki pants (or white shirts and black pants) every day, ask yourself why. If it is because you have a very strict, specific dress code for work, then fair play. If you absolutely adore blue shirts and khaki pants, then knock yourself out. But if the answer to that question is because everyone else does, because it is safe or easy, or because you don’t know anything different, then you are at the right place. Take a look at some of my previous blogs, the picture above, and the last portion of the Charlotte Agenda article. Regardless of all of the crazy comments from people, these are valid tips. I know what I am talking about. Since we have a lot of new readers this week, let’s rehash some important tips. First, and this has nothing to do with the color of the clothes, make sure they fit. On the pants side, look at my suit pants. They are neither too long nor too short, too baggy nor too slim. On the shirt side, try shirts that are slim, sharp, or tailored fit versus the classic fit. If you are even relatively in shape, the classic fit shirt makes you look like you are wearing a parachute. So many of the guys I see every day aren’t wearing clothes that fit. And black dress shoes? Makes me think about going to a funeral. They can look great with a sharp suit and tie, but worn in a business casual setting, they immediately make your outfit 64% duller.

Once we get through the sweltering Charlotte summer, I am going to do a six week style series for guys where we are going in depth from head to toe. Likely will start early September. If you have friends, family, or co-workers that could use this, point them here. Hopefully lots of stuff will be going to Goodwill or to the tailor, and this will start the most stylish Fall ever in Charlotte. Like a revolution…ooh, exciting!

So this week, a couple of challenges. Go attack life. I am headed to Montana and Wyoming on an adventure with 3 dudes that I have met twice, so I’m on board. Also, if you are a blue shirt and khaki guy, take a peek at the things I mentioned
above and consider branching out. If I can rile up 20,000 people and be okay, you can surely go buy a pair of navy pants that fit. Let’s be rebels together. Finally, help me get some more eyes on this blog. I know there is interest. Let’s slowly but surely help the young men of Charlotte (and beyond) become a little more stylish.

Have a great week.-Benj

The above statement may or may not be true, but I do have a lot of shoes. I also have a lot of ties, and my hat collection is growing. But outside of that, I have shockingly very few clothes for someone who loves fashion so much. I am actually very much a minimalist, and I will choose quality over quantity every time. But the real reason I have so few clothes is twofold: one, I hate stuff. Two, I have no desire to waste precious time deciding what I want to wear.

Time is the most valuable commodity in this world, yet so many people struggle with time management and just generally waste so much time. And then you ask someone how they are doing, and they just say “busy”. Huh? People ask me how I fit in all of those things I talk about in previous blogs to my day. I make lists. I do things on said lists. And I get on with it. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love my lunches with the boys. I love cracking jokes with folks throughout the day. But if it doesn’t have a real purpose, or I don’t get any enjoyment from it, I don’t waste a single second on it. Over the past few years, my family has made some simple (and not so simple) tweaks to free up time to do more things that we enjoy. Though traffic wasn’t the primary reason we moved, it had gotten diabolical where we lived. We made a change. My commute is now almost nothing, and my wife’s is much more pleasant. She was also spending all day on certain Sundays cleaning the house. I had been trying to convince her for years to hire a cleaning service so she could have her Sundays back, and so we finally did. She would spend the other part of her weekend grocery shopping, so she found a service called Shipt that would deliver groceries to our doorstep, and now we have our groceries delivered to our house. The building of our new house was, of course, a big investment, but the cleaning service is $200 per month, and Shipt is $99 per year plus tipping the driver. We made these changes, and the quality of our lives improved 1,000 times over.

It takes me about two minutes to get dressed in the morning, and do you want to know why? Minus my statement pieces and some crazy shoes, everything practical in my wardrobe goes with one another. I can pack for a 4-day trip in five minutes. As an example, most of my day-to-day clothes are in shades of blue, gray, brown, and white. Brown shoes, navy socks, navy suit, brown belt, white shirt, blue tie, white pocket square. I can put that together in fifteen seconds, and it looks great! Sounds dull though, doesn’t it? Put that side by side with someone wearing olive pants, a peach shirt, flamingos on their socks…see where I am going. Unless we are at the circus, my outfit wins every time. ( Not that this is a competition.) My real point is that sometimes simple is better, and it can save you a lot of time and hassle deciding what to wear each day. This applies to both women and men. I love creativity more than anyone in this world, but for every day wear, I have found that adopting a “uniform” that fits well is the best way to save time and still look great. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THROWING ON WRINKLED KHAKIS AND A BLUE SHIRT EVERY DAY. I REPEAT…

This week, think about two things. First, think about what people tell you looks good on you. Then replicate that with subtle tweaks. That should be your uniform. Fill your closet with it. You don’t need seven pair of fuchsia pants and six Hawaiian shirts when you don’t have the basics mastered. It makes no sense. And second, think about what takes lots of your time that you really don’t enjoy doing. Are there alternatives that might give you back some of your time and improve your quality of life? If so, don’t forget to act on it. Thinking about it forever only wastes more time.

Have a great week.-Benj

Okay. So if you happen to still have a fanny pack, please go immediately to Blog #1 and start reading from the beginning. Everyone else, settle in and we are going to talk about traveling in style this week. I have been in (and am still in) Nashville, TN for the past few days enjoying a place I have never been, and it just got me thinking about how much I love to travel. I get pretty restless staying in the same spot for too long. I love Charlotte, but if I don’t get out every 30 days or so, I start to go a little stir crazy. So last fall, I made a deal with myself to try and travel every month, and so far, so good. I have been to NYC twice, Kansas City, Mississippi, St. Louis, LA, Miami, Destin, Atlanta, and now Nashville. I am headed to Wyoming in 2 weeks, Italy shortly thereafter, and NYC again later in the fall. Seeing the world is so important to me, but I also like to do it in style, so buckle in for some ideas that I would like to share.

First off, I like going to new places. Someone asked me last year if I could only try new places, or always go back to my favorite places, which one would I choose. Other than NYC, I would choose something new all day long. Of the 11 places above, 7 are new to me. I like to stay at local, boutique hotels when possible. This week I have been at Hayes Street Hotel. Super cool. I prefer to eat at local hotspots and drink local beer, wine, cocktails, and even sodas. Things that you can only get in that city, for example. This week it has been Hattie B’s hot chicken. Sriracha chicken pizza and a grapefruit IPA at a local brewery. The list goes on. If there is a sporting event in town, I try to go. No sporting event here this week, but I am running the Music City 10k here tomorrow morning. And if there are friends in the city, around the city, or on the way to the city, I have to make an effort to get together for a drink or bite to eat. We stopped in Asheville on the way and had lunch with my long lost Mars Hill friends Lynn, Sergio, and Dionne. I also very much like to hit the local shops that are unique to the area. I hit Kith in Miami and NYC. WISH in Atlanta. And today, Imogene + Willie in Nashville. Bought the softest t-shirt you can imagine, along with a very unique beaded necklace. People always ask me where I get my clothes, and lots come from these one-offs in other cities, and it typically leads to great conversation.

I do have two quirky things that I personally like to do when I travel. If the city has a Major League Baseball team, I have to go to the stadium and get an on-field fitted hat. Talk about a good conversation starter. I was wearing my Cardinals hat at Office Depot last week, and it led to a rousing discussion with some stranger about St Louis. Happens all the time. And the second, I like to see how the real people live in each place I go. Touristy places are fine, but I like to venture off the beaten path, sometimes to edgy areas of town, just to feel the true flavor of a place. Not recommending it per se, but I personally enjoy it.

When I travel, I take two leather bags and a book bag. One is the softest black leather bag from Cole Haan, and the other is a tan leather bag from Jack Spade. My book bag is a multi-blue leather bag from Coach Men, and it allows me to be hands-free, which is great. If you are still using your book bag from high school, think about burning it. You are not fifteen any more. Traveling with these three bags does wonders for me. First, they don’t look like every other black rolling suitcase, so if I am flying I can find them very easily. Second, when I arrive at the hotel, they always get commented on. As with many things in life, I find that valets, bellhops, and hotel staff typically remember unique individuals, outfits, and bags. So when I arrive anywhere, I try to arrive smiling, wearing a unique outfit, and carrying a unique bag. Put a $5 or $10 bill in their hand upon arrival, and I find that I am treated like a king all week. Which I love.

Two obvious, but relevant challenges for this week. If you travel with a 50-year old, black rolling suitcase, it is okay to switch it up a little and put some actual style into your travel gear. And if you aren’t traveling as much as you would like, start strategizing on how to do so. I need to see the world, and I am figuring out how to do so one month at a time. If you want to come with me, let’s go!

Have a great 4th of July and a great week!-Benj