I got two new tattoos this week. One on my chest. One on my ribs. You can see the pictures. I had originally planned to title this week’s post “Is Benj Secretly a Gangsta” and get into a tattoo discussion, but I found something way more interesting than that this week that I want to touch on. Over the past couple of days, I have had no less than five ridiculously in-depth conversations about life with people. All ages. Male and female. Different races. All over the shop. If you know me well, you know I love this type of conversation. I’m not a shoot the breeze kind of guy. Let’s talk real life and see what comes of it. In my experience, usually some terrific takeaways.

It baffles me how many people in this world live life on defense, not offense. For some reason, that is what we have been programmed to do. Avoiding mistakes. Avoiding discomfort. Fearing the worst. So on. Get a grip folks, and go live. Make mistakes. Get out of your comfort zone. Make a list of things that you want to do or get out of life, and then devise a path to go get them. You are in charge. Not your parents. Not your boss. Not your spouse. You! I’ll give you an example. I was sitting around about 10 days ago thinking, and I was starting to get ancy. I needed a new adventure. A new challenge. A new trip. Something. Before the Carolina Panthers came into existence in 1996 I believe, I was a massive Cleveland Browns fan. They used to be awesome, and I loved the uniforms. For the past 30 years, I have wanted to go to a Browns game in Cleveland during the winter and sit in the Dawg Pound (their uber-fan section). Bippity Boppity Boo. I’ll send ya’ll some pictures from freezing cold Cleveland next Sunday as I enjoy Browns-Packers with my friend Ras. Sure, the Browns suck. Cleveland isn’t sexy. But this is something I wanted to do, and I made it happen.

Folks, it is about changing your mindset. Making decisions out of fear or places of weakness is brutal. And most people do it. As many of you know, I was/am a soccer player. A forward. Loved to score goals. Literally one of the best feelings in the world, even to this day. I play offense. That’s my mindset. I would rather win a game 5-4 than 1-0. Many will disagree with me, and that’s fine, but that simple example speaks to how I view life. I would rather get out there every day and screw up a zillion times than sit on my tail and let life come to me. If there was a penalty kick to be taken, I wanted to take it. I made 99% of them, but if I missed, who cares? It’s better than not being in the game and letting somebody else control my fate. As the late Lucille Ball once said, “I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.”

I’ve heard that golf caddies are supposed to be ridiculously affirmative and positive for their player. For example, if there is water on the left and it is wide open on the right, the caddie should say “go right” instead of “don’t go left”. They mean the exact same thing, but the mindset is wildly different.

Everybody has unique things that they want to do and get out of life. Proof above. Why would anybody want to go to a Cleveland Browns (they suck) game and sit in the cold? Because I freaking want to, and I’m going to do it this week. And it is going to be awesome! Why did I want new tattoos this week? Because that is who I am and what I wanted. I freaking love them! Might someone judge me? Absolutely. But that’s on them, not me. And that’s the moral of this week’s story. Do you. Live your life. With confidence. And you’ll feel exhilarated and free.

Have a great week.-Benj

I received a text last week from a buddy that was headed to a party. It started out “Big event tonight”, and was accompanied by a picture of him. He looked good. He looked different. He self-admittedly was trying something new. Stepping outside of his comfort zone. The next text read “At the event getting compliments and people talking to me. I am not sure what to do now.” I was cracking up. He then said, “I will just text you to get me through this.” By this time I was literally laughing out loud imagining this. 30 minutes passed. “Benj, I am the life of the party. Out of my comfort zone. Retreating pal.” And I’ll end the story there.

My friend could care less about clothes. In fact, he was so ready to make fun of me and call BS when I started this style blog. I’ve worked on him. He reads religiously every week. I’m not trying to transform him or anyone else for that matter into a fashionista. Just raising awareness that how you present yourself is important and that people notice. Case in point above. I don’t think my pal wants to be the life of the party. It’s not who he is. But he was fascinated that my points weren’t complete nonsense. People notice effort. It says something about you. Which leads me to this week’s points.

I have a firm belief that you take on a similar personality to the clothes you are wearing. Think about the military. Always sharp. Always pressed. Always fits. No nonsense. I have never seen anyone in the military slouching around, hemming and hawing over a case of the Mondays. You wear clothes that are sloppy, I tend to witness a slouchy demeanor. Sweats? Maybe you want to relax? Tailored suit? Improves your posture and makes you taller.  Shows you mean business.  I still haven’t figured out the khakis and blue shirt phenomenon. Just seems robotic. Mindless.

Some specific examples from my personal experience. I went to a party in Atlanta a few months ago and wore this crazy pink and blue shirt (above).  I was in the mood to dance and be wild and crazy that night, so the vibes matched up. I wear the above pinstripe, double-breasted suit every couple of weeks. It is my go-to, no-nonsense suit. I wear it if I have to have some tough conversations. Maybe a detailed negotiation. Or just some interaction that is all business. It improves my posture. I walk around supremely confident. I feel invincible. Check out my holiday party pants below. They are nuts. They are actually a really nice pair of pants, just a crazy color and pattern. I wear them once or twice a year when I am in a festive mood.  Mediocrity is not allowed when wearing any of these three examples. Just doesn’t fit.

Next time you see someone moaning and groaning or just getting through the day, take a look at what they are wearing. There is a correlation. I was talking to this guy the other day who is a life coach for young men. He showed me a picture and told me about this young man he was working with. It was a classic before and after. The before: clothes were 2 sizes too big. Posture stunk. Just khakis and blah blah blah. The after: clothes fit, standing straight up, smiling ear to ear, a little color, an accessory here and there. Made me smile so big. The young man had made a huge transformation apparently, and the outward presentation was just a small piece.

The clothes don’t make the man, but if you are looking to stand a little taller, have people curious about what you have to offer the world, or feel a little better about yourself, take note. Pay attention to how you present yourself. Do it for you. All of the examples of my clothes above garner a lot of attention. But I don’t wear them to get attention. I wear them for what I want to accomplish at a particular meeting, party, or interaction. It shows I care. That I make an effort. That I want to live! And those are some of the most stylish traits of all.

Have a great week.-Benj

The world is a wonderfully weird place. I’m starting with the moral of the story this week, and then I’m just going to ramble. Embrace life. It’ll make you laugh. It’ll make you cry. But stay positive. Work hard. Do your own thing. And have fun.

Okay, where is this coming from? Here goes…my wonderfully weird week in review. Last Saturday at 8am, I went to my first “book club” to discuss real life stuff affecting people (not surface level nonsense) with a cool group of complete strangers. It was awesome. I went to a BBQ later that day where, again, the guests were mostly complete strangers to me. I ended up talking to this guy about my desire to spend some time in Santa Fe, New Mexico in the near future. Turns out, this dude had lived there for years, so of course the conversation got popping. On Sunday, I drove down to Wingate to watch Wingate Soccer start their defense of the National Championship, which didn’t last very long. They lost in a penalty shootout on the last kick. The young man who missed was 19, maybe 20 years old, and was just beside himself. I made myself go walk over to him after the game and tell him it will be okay. I’ve been there. It sucks. Come back stronger. Let it fuel you. Heartbreaking. Monday I went to Monday Night Football versus the Dolphins (Check out the Veteran’s Day Panthers jacket above. $200. Gift idea?).  The city was electric. Cam was on fire. All was well with the world again. Tuesday was relatively normal, minus the fact that my son continued to be on vacation in the Deep South, as he has been for the past 2 weeks. His number one passion in life right now is diggers. You know, like the huge construction earth movers. Well, he got to drive one this week, and his world was so alive. Remember that when everyone just mindlessly heads to Disney World, even a 2 year old’s true passion may lie somewhere else. i.e. operating diggers in the middle of nowhere.

Wednesday, Lebron was in town for Wednesday Night Basketball on ESPN. I wanted to go, but couldn’t make myself pull the trigger. I just had a feeling some tickets might present themselves. They did about 3:30pm. I went. It was awesome. And I got a sweet new Hornets patch to go on my ever-evolving jacket. Thursday, Jay-Z was here, and I was so excited to go. Too bad I got strep throat again for the 4th time in 7 weeks. (I’ve got 99 Problems, and strep throat seems to be all of them.) So the week was over for me, and it is now time to plan for surgery on my throat over the next few weeks. I can only laugh. Life is funny.

Last Saturday, I also took a couple of hours to do a little shopping down at the Outlet Mall here in Charlotte. Every few months, I just head down to the Saks Off Fifth there to see what’s up. Sometimes it is complete junk. Sometimes I can find an amazing treasure. This trip, I hit the bullseye. I found a John Varvatos suit from his high end line. Made in Italy. Navy pinstripe. Just gorgeous. I could tell it was different as soon as I saw it. Retails for $2,000. I got it for $200. What a bargain. I had to remind myself that it would need tailoring, so tack on another $100+ to make it fit perfectly. But still. So I took it along with some other stuff (my crazy Christmas pants) to my go-to Myers Park Tailors, and the bill came out to $168. But then I thought, wait, I need to call my friends at Jilson’s Consignment Store in Myers Park first. See, when I get tired of my nicer clothes, shoes, etc., I consign them. That gives someone the opportunity to get some pretty awesome gear at cheaper prices, and I make a few bucks. So I ran by Jilson’s (great place), and they owed me $166. Isn’t that nuts? Tailor bill was paid for by consignment money almost to the dollar. It was meant to be. What a funny world. (I’ll show you the suit next week when I get it back.)

I launched this blog 6 months ago this past Friday. As I think about everything I have done in that time, it’s pretty freaking cool. I’ve met new friends, made new relationships with numerous people in the Charlotte clothing/fashion/style industry, taken lots of trips, accomplished much, with a fair share of sickness and pain in between.

I repeat, the world is a wonderfully weird place. You never know what is around the next corner. Embrace it. Be positive. Work hard. Do you. And of course, try to be a little more stylish.

Have a great week, and Happy Thanksgiving.-Benj

Who is the most stylish person you know? You got the name? Okay, perfect. Now, WHAT makes them the most stylish person you know? Think about it. Leave it in the comments on the blog. Email me. Put it on my Facebook or Instagram. I’ll tell you my ideas momentarily, but I’m curious about yours. I love people with good style, so let’s explore what gets you there.

For me, it is someone who always makes an effort, but doesn’t try too hard. It’s someone who has vision. Something unique about them. Maybe you can’t explain it, but you know it is there. Someone who has extraordinary knowledge in their particular field or career. Someone who is interesting to talk to. Can carry on a well balanced conversation. Someone who is well traveled and exudes positive energy. Makes his or her own decisions. Doesn’t follow trends or care what anyone thinks of him or her. What’s not stylish? Laziness. Conformity. Ignorance. Negativity, to name a few.

If I die tomorrow, I want my tombstone to read “He marched to the beat of his own drum.” That would be the ultimate compliment for me. Sounds selfish, but I have the vision to know that when everyone is 80 years old and saying “I wish I had done it this way, I wish I had done it that way”, I’ll be at peace knowing that I bebopped along my own path. I do listen to every word people say to me, and I read voraciously. I take it all in. But then I make my own decisions based on my unique thoughts, oftentimes zigging when everyone else would zag. The most stylish people I know do blaze their own trail. Sometimes you get it wrong. I certainly have. But stylish people are resilient. I’ve been kicked in the mouth a few times in my life, and I’ve chosen to kick back (sometimes literally).  Soccer joke. Not funny? Fine.

All of these ideas lead into what I think is the most stylish trait of all: confidence. In yourself. In what you are doing. In what you want out of life. You know something else that builds confidence? Dressing well. Seriously. If you can combine some of the above intangible items with the way you present yourself outwardly, you’re going to have a dynamic recipe.

When I was in NYC last week, I finally made it to the legendary JJ Hat Center on Fifth Avenue. Been around for 106 years I believe. I’m totally into proper hats, so much so that I want to learn how to make them. Anyways, I had done some research before going in and found a hat that I loved. So I walked in and was greeted by the superstar Jose, one of the best in the biz. I showed him what I liked. He told me it was a woman’s hat. I thought to myself, I don’t care if it is a gorilla’s hat, I still like the style. He understood, and started educating me on different options. I finally found this beautiful brown fedora made out of long rabbit hair. It was perfect, and when worn with a thick beard and my new pair of brown boots, would look badass this winter. The model had a feather in it, so of course I inquired. Jose opened a cigar box and said take as many feathers as you would like. I picked three colorful ones, and he said sit tight. He went to the back and found one more, stuck it in the hat, and said “Now you are set.” He told me how to care for it. He looked me in the eyes. He called me Mr. Bostic, and shook my hand firmly. He was impeccably dressed. His clothes fit. Had a huge beard. Unique as can be. Knew his trade inside and out. The epitome of style. I was smitten.

In today’s world of participation trophies and school uniforms, we could all use a little more style. As you can see, it comes both from the inside and the outside. Intangible traits plus clothing, hats, and accessories. Pay a little more attention to both. It’s not a contest. It’s not a race. It’s not who can be the coolest. But if being a little more stylish is a goal of yours, reflect on the above. As I always say, it’s more about attitude, confidence, swagger, and self belief than the actual clothes. But the clothes are the exclamation point that can outwardly say “I’m here, I pay attention, and I’m about to go grab life.”

Have a great week.-Benj

Let’s dive right in. I woke up at 2:55am Sunday morning, about the time maybe some of you were coming home Saturday night. I took the bus at 5:20am from 42nd and 5th and arrived in Staten Island at 5:50am. It was chilly, but something special was in the air. I lay around for the next 3 hours just taking it all in until it was time to head to my corral and take off. 10:15am start on the bridge. Straight up hill. The mixture of 50 Cent and “God Bless America” at the wait zone had me hyped. I was ready. It was time to man up. The 2 miles on the bridge were a breeze, and then we entered Brooklyn. Brooklyn was exhilarating. I was cruising. High fiving kids. People yelling my name. I gave a hug to my childhood friend Bess about mile 3. It was all good, but I tempered that thought. I knew it would get tough soon. Fast forward to mile 11, my calves and shins started screaming. Not cramping. Just letting me know they were there. I powered through. It was getting tough. Mile marker 13.1. Half marathon complete. Pace was 8:59/mile. Dead on. 4 hour marathon. And then my right hip went. Just gone. Mile 14 on the Queensboro Bridge, I felt like I had just been shot. Seriously. So I walked. And gathered my thoughts. 13 miles to go and a major joint was not functioning. I got to the top of the bridge and just started jogging. Mile 15 done. My friend Mary was at mile 16. We hugged and took a pic. She posted it on Facebook and said “Ben is doing great!” Little did she know, I wanted to cry. Mile 17 was where my wife Christy and son Banks would be. Christy offered her encouragement, and Banks was screaming and carrying on “Just run daddy, just run!” I teared up. We took a pic, and I immediately knew this would be the longest 9 miles of my life. My right leg was done. Bone on bone at the hip. If you downloaded the NYC Marathon app, go look at the pictures of me. Scroll down to the one where I am walking, holding my right hip, with my left hand over my mouth. That’s my favorite. I was devising a plan for the last 8 or 9 miles. I quickly learned that my body had about 1-2 minutes of pain tolerance at a time. I could walk a few blocks, then sprint a few blocks, then walk, then sprint, and so forth. Unorthodox, but my joints couldn’t handle the consistent pounding any more. I wasn’t quitting. I wasn’t stopping. I wasn’t walking the whole way. No chance. There was a guardian angel that greeted us as we entered the Bronx, and another as we left. They gave us some tough NYC love, and reminded us we were so close. Mile 20, I felt like I was running with no shoes on. Mile 23, I saw a sign that read “When you can’t run with your legs, run with your heart.” So I did. Mile 24, I was ready to quit. I had nothing left. Nothing. I knew Christy and Banks would be at mile 25, and I couldn’t let myself walk in front of my son. Not the right message. So I kept running. I was in Central Park. The crowd was raucous. I could see the end. I could hear the end. But I was still a mile away. A random stranger patted me on the butt and said “You can do it!” I wanted to kill her and marry her simultaneously. I felt nothing but pain. I had told myself leading up to the race that I was running the last mile for myself. No one else. This one was on me. If I wimp out, it’s on me. So I just kept going. And then I finished. And that was that.

I’m not a cliché guy, but this truly was about the journey. 2 journeys actually. The one from May to November, and then the one from mile 14 to mile 26.2. I gave up happy hours. I gave up food with taste. I gave up time with family and friends. I hurt constantly and am sick again. I battled for 5 months so I was ready for the ultimate test Sunday. I thought about my entire life on mile 14 Sunday as I walked. Where I’ve been and where I’m going. I had 12 miles to run with one good hip, and I knew it would be the hardest physical and mental test I had ever endured. I was right. But I did it. My finish time was 4 hours, 32 minutes, and 12 seconds. I don’t know anything about running, but according to the statistics, that makes me an average marathoner. No such thing, my friends. You’re either a marathoner or you are not. A warrior or you are not.

The thing about enduring struggle is that it gives you confidence. Patience. Self esteem. Self worth. Most of all, perspective. From the blind runner who passed me at mile 18. Or the 70 year old lady I ran with at mile 8. Or the guy with one leg at mile 6. Or the vet in a wheelchair at mile 4. Puts things into focus. It makes you stronger. It makes you want more. It makes you want to encourage others to go live life to the fullest. I hope I was able to inspire a few people along this journey. That was my goal. Be positive. Work hard. Grab life. On a normal cold, rainy Sunday morning in November, the arthritis would’ve usually kept me in bed for a while. Sore. Stiff. So on. Last Sunday? Hell nah. I had something to conquer. And I did. And now I’m going to do something else. Join me.

Have a great week.-Benj

Friends, I desperately need your help this week. Nothing too wild and crazy…just need you to send some good vibes my way, and let me tell you why. I have quietly been very sick for the past 6 weeks. I have had needles in my hip, needles in my arm, and have consumed every antibiotic ever invented for all but 4 days of that time, fighting strep throat and who knows what else. (Maybe I should have been raising money for that instead of the Arthritis Foundation.) Why is this so important other than the obvious? Because I have a personal goal to run 26.2 miles next Sunday in under 4 hours in the greatest city in the world. No biggie, except that I don’t think I have been able to run 26.2 miles TOTAL the entire past month. So, I need your good vibes and your positive thoughts. Thanks in advance.

Every week I sit here and love to offer unsolicited advice, positive feelings, and encouragement about living a passionate and stylish life with the hope that you will hear a different perspective…a perspective you might like, or even love…and then get super-jazzed about living each day. And I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this yet, but I never really tell you how to do it. You have to figure it out yourself (thanks Dad for that quality). I’m never going to write a self-help book or a step-by-step guide to living life. I wouldn’t know where to start. I’m all about attitude, swagger, self-belief and will. If there is something I want in life, I go and get it. I can’t tell you how, just that I will make sure it happens. I used to score goals that way. Get deals done at the office. And I’m about to go do that this week in NYC. How? I have no freaking clue. Actually, scratch that, I do know how. I believe in myself. I believe in the incredible energy of NYC. I believe in the unwavering support (monetary, written, and verbal) of family and friends over the past 6 months. And last, but certainly not least, I’m just going to make it happen.  I have to.

I’m nervous. Scared even. I’ve shed a few tears this past week as I’ve been unable to get off of the couch and do anything about it. I’ve got people worried about me. It’s okay. I’m fine. This is actually one of the things that I knew could happen on this journey. I was aware I could get sick. I knew injury was a possibility. Fatigue. Swelling. So on. That’s why I did this. I write every week that anything is possible if you go grab life, and sometimes I have to remind myself personally that this is true and that I am not feeding people a line of BS. I’m predicting a miracle next Sunday. I have no idea what that means…but I feel it, and I play life by feel. From everything I’ve read, finishing the NYC Marathon is a definite Top 5 moment in life. To do it under these circumstances, man. Next week you may read that I didn’t finish, and you know what, I’ll be crushed. But I’ll man up and promptly convey all of the wonderful things that I learned along the journey that took me from Charlotte to Nashville to Salt Lake City to New York City. But if I finish and finish strong, join with me in celebration. Not that some guy named Benj ran a long way under tough circumstances. Nah, screw that. Let’s celebrate that indeed anything is possible, and it’s time to start living life that way!

I’m bib # 19659 and I start at 10:15am EST next Sunday, November 5 in Staten Island. My goal is to be finishing in Central Park by 2:15pm. It’s on ESPN, and you can track my every move online via the NYC Marathon app, so take a peek. Send me a note this week if you wish. I promise I’ll get you back if you ever need it. And to those who will be there in person, thanks in advance. I’m gonna need you.

So, challenge yourself.  Test yourself.  Get out of your comfort zone.  I have not been comfortable for the past 6 months, and it has been ridiculously fulfilling.  1 more week to go.  I’ll be ready.

Have a great week. -Benj

I found out this week that I am a goat. And not just any kind of goat, but a blue goat. I am not talking like Michael Jordan and the greatest of all time (G.O.A.T). I’m talking actual goat.

I had lunch with my friend Court Creeden this week, who published his new book Blue Goat last week. The book talks about being yourself and the life changing power of breaking away from the masses and living the life you, not anyone else, wants to live. Genius. Amazon. $11.99. Take a peek. So here is what it says about being a blue goat i.e. not being another sheep in the herd. “Goats are naturally curious. They are known to love exploring…They don’t allow their surroundings to dictate their life. They are extremely inquisitive about the world around them…they are okay being around other goats…”

Is anyone curious anymore? About anything and/or everything? And if so, why do so few people act on that curiosity? Let me let you in to my head (and my Google search engine) from this past week. Here goes: What are the logistics of moving to Italy? How many patches (trips) until I completely cover the back of my denim jacket? Which Knicks game should I go to at Madison Square Garden in 2 weeks? Would DL Hughley, my favorite comedian who is in Charlotte next week, have any interest in having lunch with me? Where is next year’s boys golf trip going to be? And how many times would it take on the mountain before I learn how to actually ski? Okay, that’s only scratching the surface, but that gets the point across. The world is as big as you make it, and mine is wide open. Other than the first question above, I’m definitely pursuing the others within the next few weeks and months. I don’t bother myself with petty stuff or stuff I have no interest in. It’s a massive time and energy sap, and there is too much stuff out there that I actually do have interest in. I love adventure and new things and good challenges. And my list is long. Like, really long.

I had dinner with my mom and dad last Wednesday and told them I was planning a cross country road trip next year. They were hyped. I told them I was debating whether to do the Oregon Trail from Oregon to Cape Cod, or the Loneliest Road from San Francisco to the Chesapeake Bay. And seeing how many friends I could stop in and have a meal with along the way. That is how my mind works. Oh, I believe the question that prompted this conversation was “Benj, how was your day?” I could’ve said “fine” or “traffic sucked” or “Trump is an idiot”, but that is an energy drain. Can you feel it? The other response was lively, interesting, and what was actually on my mind. Make your world a little bigger.

As Court and I had lunch, the topic of style did come up briefly. As you can see, he and I are both wearing suits. But I want to make it very clear, we both like to wear suits. It’s not mandatory. It’s sharp. It’s comfortable for me. And it stands out in a sea of everything else. Let me tell you what I wore last week Monday to Friday. Monday, an olive cashmere suit with a purple bandanna as a pocket square. Tuesday, a grey turtleneck sweater. Wednesday, a blue plaid suit. Thursday, a grey cashmere sweater. Friday, a little bit of everything, including a Charlotte Hornets lapel pin (great win by the way!). It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to have your own style. I wore the olive cashmere suit you see in the picture to a client’s office on Monday. Closed an almost $5 million loan. They loved it. Because I was being me, and that’s what people get drawn to. Be yourself, but be the best version of yourself. The most stylish. The most professional. So on. People will either like you or they won’t, but at least they are getting you, not fake you. If they don’t like the real you, sigh, and move on. But if they do…man…hold on! That’s what life is all about.

This week, think about who you are and what you want to do with your life. It can be simple things like deciding which Knicks game to go to or more complex like moving to another continent. But it can also be thinking about how you present yourself and the real relationships that you want to build with people in this world. It’s your life. Be thoughtful about it and then go enjoy!

Have a great week.-Benj

I spent a long weekend this past week at Lake Lure, Chimney Rock, and Asheville, NC. It was a great adventure that included hiking above Chimney Rock to Devil’s Head, sneaking up to The Biltmore Estate with my wife Christy late Friday night after a great wedding at The Inn on Biltmore, and doing a tough training run along Lake Lure. I spent my four undergraduate years in the mountains of NC and had never done any of that. Can you believe that? Ya’ll know I love new stuff, so even though this was almost in my own backyard, it was right up my alley.

But that’s not what I want to talk about this week. I want to focus on my Sunday through Thursday instead. The world is filled with people that forget to live life during the week, instead focusing only on Friday and Saturday night for excitement. Ya’ll also know that I’m a numbers guy, and it just makes no sense to me to have seven days in a week, and only really “live” for two. Two out of seven…that’s only 29%, and not enough. I know I’ve mentioned this before.

So last Sunday, I spent the day watching the Panthers beat the Lions, designing tattoos with my friends at Paris Tattoos in Charlotte, and writing. Monday evening, I took my son Banks to visit my parents while I did a Dress for Success event at Wingate University. On Tuesday, I dropped by and chatted with my new friends at Taylor, Richards, & Conger in Phillips Place, picking up some new clothes and talking all things style. Wednesday, I took Banks to Peppa Pig Live at Belk Theater, essentially blowing his little freaking mind in the process. And Thursday, I headed to Lake Lure with my family, stopping at the legendary Bridges BBQ in Shelby before watching the Panthers Thursday Night Football game at a cabin in the woods. (We lost. I know. Not the point.)

So what is the point? Everyone has things they enjoy that are unique to them. The things I describe above are some of mine. I love the Panthers. I love art and tattoos and creativity and design. I like teaching young people things that might leave a lasting impression on them and improve not only their chances of getting a first job, but also enhance their view of life. I like talking clothes and all things style. It’s a key driver in my life. I love my family, and I adore my son, and to watch him be so happy just filled my heart. Oh, and I love BBQ. Obviously.

You have to figure out what your individual passions are, acknowledge them, and make time for them. My Sunday through Thursday was as jam packed and exciting as my long weekend, and that is how I like it. Some of my best weeks see me spending Saturday just relaxing, which means my entire week has been very fulfilling. And that’s what I call living life.

I try to do at least one thing every day that I am passionate about. Sometimes more. You get one life. It’s yours. So explore your interests. Often. Not just on Saturday night. Catch a weekday Hornets game if you are in Charlotte. The regular season starts this week. Grab a fun dinner at some place different than usual. You get the point. This coming week, I’ve got a long run planned for Monday. A Happy Hour Tuesday. Wingate Soccer Wednesday. Father/son night Thursday. No days off.

Have a great week.-Benj

(Make sure to catch the Pics and Details page on http://www.anythingbutkhakis.com for all things style.)

One of the most important skills I have developed over the past few years is the ability to say I don’t know. I tend to focus my energy on my strengths and then surround myself with people who do know the answers to these other things. It works well. You should try it. And it served me particularly well a couple of weeks ago when I had to call up my good friend Junior. See, I really enjoy writing this blog every week. I enjoy conveying the way I see the world along with style tips for both beginners and advanced people alike. I hope it’s entertaining to you all, but I also hope you get a tidbit or two each week that actually helps enhance your life. The rest of the stuff (the picture taking, the social media, the marketing, etc.), not only do I hate it, I also have no freaking clue what I am doing. So 4.5 months in, I called Junior and told him I had no idea what I was doing, and that I needed his help. A lot of folks are afraid to ask for help, but I know what I am good at, and I know where I need help. Writing the blog=good. Marketing it=terrible. So I needed help, and Junior was the man for the job.

Junior is a good friend. Some of you know him. Some of you do not. He is an excellent soccer player. A soon-to-be marketing genius. He has 3 college degrees. Is 5 years younger than me. And a sounding board that is wise beyond his years. So we had lunch, and I laid it out there for him. He was basically my blog shrink. We talked through details which I won’t bore you with, but you will likely see as the blog continues to evolve. But the most important thing that he said to me that day was “Benj, you are not a fashion blogger.” And I looked him in the eye and said, “Nor do I want to be”. We laughed, and basically agreed that my actual website and blog was what I wanted it to be, but my marketing of it to people that are not familiar with who I am was extremely weak. I was using the wrong hashtags. Saying I was something that I wasn’t nor had any desire to be. So the people who were reading my blog were getting one experience, but people who were just looking at my social media were getting something completely different.

He texted me a couple of days later with a laundry list of ideas and some necessary changes. I told him I needed to put him on the payroll. So as I am always saying, if changes are needed, actually make them. I hope you are already seeing and enjoying some of them. It wasn’t that my previous version was wrong, it just wasn’t right. And it will likely be tweaked again down the road as my thoughts continue to evolve. But for now, I’m going to continue to give you insights into my life experience that hopefully will help yours, and style advice. Nothing more. Nothing less.

So it turns out that my pal Junior is quite stylish himself. So I thought this week I’d let someone else weigh in and give some tips from a different point of view. Interestingly enough, his two points should be a familiar concept by now. One, make sure your clothes fit correctly. That should be easy enough, right? Still lots of work to be done there. And second, make sure your style is authentically you. He has his style. I have my style. You find yours. He’s got the business casual mastered (see picture above).  I rarely ever do business casual. Different strokes for different folks. Be you, put some thought into it, and make sure the items fit.

A few style points from me this week also. Accessories, i.e. the extra details, are so important. In Junior’s picture above, you see the bracelets, the watch, and the pocket square. In my picture immediately above, you literally see some of my favorite items. A limited edition Gucci scarf/pocket square from Florence, Italy. A classic black Tom Ford tie you can wear anywhere. Hand painted dalmatian cufflinks from Brooks Brothers. Leather/cashmere gloves and an alligator belt, both from Ralph Lauren Purple Label. I wear a Rolex every day that is engraved with my son’s initials and his birth year. And finally, an engraved silver pen that I use for everything that I have had for 18 years. Seriously. This is grown up stuff. I spend money on the details for a variety of reasons. With the engraving, it’s personal. With some of the fabrics, it’s the best quality in the world. And for all of it, people know that I pay attention to everything.

A few things to take out of this week’s post. First, it is ridiculously important to have a good sounding board in life. Vital. Second, don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know” and then find the experts who do know. In my twenties, I knew everything. In my thirties, I know surprisingly little. Sound backwards? Not at all. Third, you can start paying attention to the details today. These items will be an investment in your personal style. Those above will literally be with me until they fall apart, and in some cases, that may be after I’m dead. Quality. And last, continue to think about and develop your unique style, and focus on properly fitting clothes. Isn’t it amazing how many times that theme keeps coming up?

Thanks Junior for your help, and everyone have a great week.-Benj

(Please note my new Instagram is @anythingbutkhakis.)

I had the wonderful opportunity this past Wednesday to spend the day with about 50 college students looking for internships with my company next summer. They were all juniors in college and quite impressive. I ran case studies with them all afternoon basically gauging how they think and communicate, and again, was blown away. I took a quick break later on in the afternoon and then met back up with everyone for an evening reception where the students could get one-on-one time with me (and others) to ask any questions they might have about anything.

The very first question/statement I got was from a young man who had been in one of my case studies, and he said, “You don’t look like a banker”. So I asked him what a banker was supposed to look like, and he said “clean-shaven, white shirt, navy suit, red tie”. So I told him very quickly that I never have and never will look like a banker, even though I have been in banking for 15 years. He was intrigued, and then informed me that I also had a big beard. I laughed and told him he was correct. This was all building up to him asking me what the dress code is for bankers these days. I told him that I was the wrong person to ask because I kind of do my own thing, but gave him 2 things to chew on instead. First, always be yourself. There will be dress codes and other codes that you have to adhere to, but there is an artful way to do things and still be in compliance. Second, I told him that contrary to the masses, successful people have something that is a little different about them. A particular skill. An attitude. A slightly different look. A way of talking to people. So on. And that working to develop whatever that may be will take you a long way in life. I don’t think he was expecting that answer, but real learning does deep, and I hope he will remember that.

If we had had the time to go over how to dress (i.e. his actual question) that night, here is what I would have told him. Fit is most important, fabric is second, and what it actually looks like (color, etc.) is last. When I’m shopping, this is always the order of importance. As an example, I get stopped a fair amount these days by people that want to talk to me about khakis. I want to make it clear once and for all that I could care less if you wear khakis, but please make sure they fit and are made of a reasonable fabric (cotton chinos for casual, a nice wool for more dressed up). If you look at the “About Benj” section on the website, you will see that I got the name “anything but khakis” because most of the khakis I see every day have weird pleats, don’t fit, are old as the hills, and so on. If a guy has a slim fit khaki-colored chino that actually fits, fantastic! But that’s not what I see in droves every day.

Since we are talking about pants, well, let’s talk about them. See the picture above, those are my khakis. Tailored. Cool pattern. Made of a heavier fall/winter wool. Look great. Feel great. Always get tons of compliments because they don’t look like everyone else. Otherwise, I’ve got a pair of blue jeans, pair of white jeans, and pair of tattered jeans. A pair of modern grey sweats, some crazy Christmas pants, and then about 10 pair of suit pants. These suit pants are primarily varying shades of blue, grey, and olive. But the key is that they have subtle (or not so subtle) stripes, fit perfectly, and are made of either wool, cashmere, or a blend of the two.

One final important tip on the way pants fit that the average joe doesn’t think about. When I say they need to fit, most people simply think waist and length. But equally as important is the leg opening at your ankle. If you look down when you are walking and it looks like you might be wearing bellbottoms because of all the fabric flopping around, go to a tailor and have them taper your pants leg to a narrower opening. Most guys I see every day miss this by a mile.

I really had fun with these young folks this past week, and I hope they enjoyed getting a little real life talk as well. This whole blog is about encouraging folks to find themselves and be themselves, so that message was an easy one for me. I know it can be scary to be a little different, but you gotta be you! I have been finding out so much about myself this past year at the age of 35, and it turns out that most of the things I do (weird, unique, etc.)…it’s just who I am, and so I’m going to embrace it.  And on the clothes side: fit first, fabric second, color last.

Have a great week.-Benj