Are you in the game? Seriously. Ask yourself. Are you in the game, or are you on the sidelines of life? What do I mean? Okay, since I love and play sports, we will start there. If there was a penalty kick to be taken in the soccer game, I wanted to take it. If there was a free throw to win or lose the game with 1 second left, I wanted to take it. Field goal to win or lose the game? That’s right. And guess what? I have “won” games before, and I have “lost” games before. But I was in the game, and it was on me. This sounds strange, but it feels so much better to lose the game than to not be in the game at all. That sentence is what most people miss. Too scared of losing or making a mistake to join the party. So I ask again. Are you in the game, or better yet, will you please join?

Okay, next questions. What are your best gifts? Your unique gifts? Are you using them? Daily? Hourly? Every once in a blue moon? What are you terrible at? Are you wasting time on those instead of focusing on all the good you can do with your strengths? I was having dinner the other night with a group of friends, and the topic of manual labor came up. I think I crawled underneath the table. Quickly. Now, if you know me, I not only despise manual labor but I am no good at it. Like awful. But I am really good at helping people think freely, consider different perspectives, and be the best version of themselves. So why in the hell would I spend all day Saturday doing manual labor instead of talking to folks, thinking, or writing? Oh, because it has to be done you say? Well, funny thing. There is someone out there who is awesome at manual labor but may need a bit of my unique perspective to help them at some point in their life. They can help me. I can help them.

I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t doing enough of it. Once in a blue moon. But then I realized through a series of twists and turns that I had the opportunity to make an impact in every interaction I have each day. With a co-worker. A waitress. A complete freaking stranger. So do you. So are you? Or are you at least working on it? I am trying real hard. Through my life experiences, I have a unique outlook on life. I absolutely despise the status quo and mediocrity. I see too many people every day who are just going through the motions, and they are miserable and complaining at every turn. So I am trying to use my perspective to help bring some positive energy to family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers who might have become a little jaded, timid, or stale in their daily routines. You can bust out. I did. And it is freaking great! I’m not selling you anything. Just a changed mindset. Some swagger. A little free thinking and self-analysis. That’s what I’m good at. Remember it’s 2018, not 1995. Your parents don’t think for you anymore.

But back to you. If you came to me, I could tell you within 15 minutes what you are really good at. But I bet you already know. It could be something unusual by society’s standards. But guess what? The world can use it. The world can use your effort. Not your endless hourly complaining about who knows what. No, your actual positive, God-given gifts. It could be your job. It could be a side hustle like mine. It could be a hobby. It could be volunteering. But here is the trick. Maybe you enjoy it. Maybe you are good at it. But find a way to make it enhance the quality of other human beings’ lives. And then you are in the game, and we can start having a different conversation.

Have a great week.-Benj

Maybe you are looking to add a little style to your life. Maybe you are trying to gain a little perspective on life. Or maybe you just want to see a cool new place. Regardless, New Orleans can help. Ready? Let’s go. So I was there last week for probably the 4th or 5th time in my life. Your eyes open up as soon as you hit Lake Pontchartrain. If you have any type of imagination, you can visualize the flood waters from Katrina rising, and it scares the crap out of you, even 10+ years later. You keep moving, and see rows and rows of houses that still haven’t been touched since then. You wonder where the hell everyone went? Did they just not come back? I have no idea. And then a minute or two later you are in the French Quarter where everyone is partying and carrying on. It’s especially beautiful at Christmas.

I wrote an article about money a few months ago and the 4 things that I do with it: spend, save, live, and give. It’s how I go through cities too, minus the save part (unless you count the 40% off sale I hit). The first thing I did when I arrived was walk the streets of the French Quarter. Canal. St. Charles. Carondelet. Bourbon. Smelled the Cajun spices mixed with urine on the streets. Nothing like it. Palm trees covered in Christmas lights amidst the sea of concrete. Right beside the Mississippi River. I then hit a super hip store called Friend that is attached to the Ace Hotel. I got a hand-dyed pocket square and a new patch for my jacket (see below). Both are one-of-a-kind pieces. I then went to Meyer the Hatter, the largest hat store in the South. It is 121 years old. It was like stepping back in time, mixing and mingling with an older generation that loved hats and a newer generation trying to bring them back. Just because I love to stir the pot, I asked if Cam Newton got any of his hats here. I was met with silence. And then the whole store started talking Panthers-Saints. Round 3 next Sunday. After some serious searching, I found a new willowy, moss-green fedora, and I was set.

It was 2.9 miles to Villalobos Pitbull Rescue Center, home of the world-famous Pit Bulls and Parolees television show. It was time to give back, so I went to volunteer and walk the dogs. I wasn’t 1 minute out of the glamorous French Quarter, and I could have been on a different planet. The poorest of the poor. Some of the areas are dangerous, but I have to see it. I have to understand. I need the perspective. On the way to the rescue center, I saw this place called Eat at Melba’s in the Upper Ninth Ward. Ooh, I thought. What’s this? I googled it. Bingo. I’d be back. Finally, to the rescue center. Panthers-Saints talk again got popping immediately. And then they brought me Tigger, an 11-year old brindle pitbull from California. His owner was in Iraq for the 3rd time. He looked lost. So I talked to him. And walked him. And petted him. I did what I could for the short amount of time I was there. He’ll find a new home. He’s a good boy. And then I was gone. Eat at Melba’s was unreal. Grilled gulf shrimp. Jumbalaya. Corn grits. Buttered toast. Cherry cream soda? That was a new one even to me, the ultimate soda lover.

These types of trips are why I can interact with virtually anyone. I am as comfortable talking with a gangster as I am a CEO. Because when you immerse yourself in different cultures, geographies, styles, and so on, you learn. Hear that? You learn. Ignorance dies. Prejudice dies. I don’t speak the language of black and white. I speak the language of style, rescue dogs, and good Southern food, among others. Most people I see dress the way they dress because that is how they were raised, what they see every day, or is all that they know. Same for how and who they interact with. Never leaving their bubble. I had a great conversation about this with my buddy Steve the other day. He is from Ireland. We were later joined by my buddies from Cameroon and new friends from South Africa. That’s how you learn perspective, style, and the wonderful diversity of this world.  Try it.

And if you decide to go to New Orleans, just remember this. When you are partying and acting a fool on Bourbon Street, there are people and dogs right around the corner that need your help. With a little effort, you can fit it all in. And you might even learn something too. Imagine that.

Have a great week.-Benj

Want to know what I have planned for 2018? Not a damn thing. Now, we all know that’s not really true, is it? Well, it kind of is. Let me explain. I made about 50 (yes 50) changes in my life in 2017. Some small. Some very large. One of the changes I made was to not concern myself with goals and planning, and let me tell you what I mean. We’ve all been taught to make 90 day plans, 1 year plans, 5 year plans, where do you see yourself, and so on. And you know what I’ve found? People are so interested in what the plan is that they forget to enjoy the journey and live life. If something amazing enters their life that isn’t part of the plan, they dismiss it. They ignore it. They miss out. Just because it wasn’t part of the plan. I was talking to my buddy Kevin the other day, and he reminded me of a great example. Last year, he got the opportunity to go to Duke/UNC at Cameron Indoor Stadium which is literally the bucket list of all bucket list items. One caveat. It was same day, and he essentially needed to go tell his boss he was leaving right then and there. So he did, no questions asked. And I was so proud of him, because so many people wouldn’t have, and they would have missed the most amazing life experience. Simply because it wasn’t in their plan for the day. So I’ve squashed plans and goals. I’ve learned to enjoy each day and be open to what may come my way at all times. So my plans for 2018 are nonexistent. But I do have some ideas. You ready?

Am I traveling? Well, of course I am. Remember last week when I said I had been to 20 states in 2017 (21 now)? Well, I plan on hitting that number plus some on just one trip next year. Cross country drive. What are the plans? Who knows. But stay tuned because it is going to be epic! I also want to head back out West and attempt to ski, and there will certainly be plenty of others. I usually only plan my trips 2 weeks in advance, if that. Let me tell you how it works.

First off, places like Disney World and Myrtle Beach and Paris never cross my mind. Would I go there? Sure. But touristy places don’t do anything for me. Someone wants to head to Milwaukee, Wisconsin or Mexico City for a little exploration? Now you have my attention. Okay, so maybe it’s Tuesday night. I’m feeling a little adventurous. Most people are waiting for the weekend to do whatever it is people do on the weekend. I decide I’m curious about Portland, Oregon, for example. So I dial up Travelocity and check out flights and hotels. I then see if the Trail Blazers (NBA) or Timbers (MLS) are in town. I research concerts, festivals, top stores, best restaurants, and local brews. I think do I know anyone in the general vicinity that may want to have dinner. That’s it. If it tickles my fancy, then I see if anyone wants to go with me. Sometimes it’s no. Sometimes it’s yes. And then I (or we) go. It ain’t rocket science. It’s just living.

On a smaller scale, I want to continue to be a minimalist and pare down the things I own. Stuff weighs you down and prevents you from living life. I want to be outside more. Maybe hike. Maybe run some more. At a minimum, I open my sunroof every chance that I get. The fresh air makes me feel alive. I want to make things with my hands. I have been crafting a unique jacket all year. I used to make cool bead necklaces and bracelets. I want to learn how to make hats. I want to teach and inspire as much as I can. Maybe it is the blog, daily or weekly huddle sessions with co-workers, or the phone calls that I have learned to love with just about anybody. And of course, it is time to get back to playing soccer. These are all just minor, but contribute heavily to my happiness and fulfillment.

So what’s the point? It’s been a really tough past 10 days here. I lost a wonderful, wonderful friend, and on last Tuesday paid my last respects to Blake and his family. He was 35, and is the second “best friend” of mine gone way too soon.

I implore you to start living life. You never know when it will be gone. Whatever you have always wanted to do, do it. Don’t make plans to do it. Do it. Don’t think about doing it. Do it. If you want to travel, travel. If you want to learn a skill, sign up for a class. If you want to be taken more seriously or feel more confident, consider sending some things to Goodwill and revamping how you present yourself. But listen, it’s what you want, nobody else. Society tells you that is selfish. Nonsense. The more you pay attention to your own gifts, happiness, and fulfillment, the more you have to offer everyone in your life. I have experienced this first-hand. Listen to your heart. Don’t overthink things. And act. You are going to hear a lot of that from me this year because I am finally getting through to people. Your feedback and actions let me know that, and I couldn’t be more pleased. If you want to get in on my weekly random bang-out phone conversations, message or call me. This is my side hustle. This is my passion. And I am begging you to recognize yours and act on it. Now.

Have a great week.-Benj

I have taken 15 separate trips in 2017. I’ve still got 1, maybe 2, to go. Some of the trips then had side trips. 20 states so far. 2 countries. Salt Lake City was my favorite. Wyoming and Montana were close seconds. Interestingly enough, Miami was my least favorite. I still had fun, but too much “me, me, me”. I may have to go to Los Angeles every year now. Loved it! NYC never disappoints. It feels like home to me. Traversing Northern Italy was my favorite adventure and provided some of the most picturesque landscapes I have ever seen. I snuck a peek at the Grand Canyon and Zion National Park on a plane, enough to whet my appetite to go back. You just read about my trip to Cleveland last week. (If you didn’t, go do it after this.) That’s just a small sampling.

I went to Cameron Indoor for Duke-NC State (not counting this as a trip). I gazed at the Hollywood sign from my hotel bed. I put my feet in the Pacific for the first time. I ate a sandwich beside Matt Ryan at The Beverly Hills Hotel. I sat behind Meghan Trainor on the floor at Lakers/Clippers. I ate the most insane watermelon dish in Miami. I had the best steak just off the campus of Ole Miss. Hattie B’s hot chicken in Nashville was outstanding, though not recommended before running a 10k. I rode jet skis in the Gulf of Mexico on my birthday. I launched this blog the day before. The best party I went to was in Atlanta. On a separate trip to ATL, my MLS experience at the new Mercedes Benz Stadium was incredible, even if I was sick as a dog. I climbed above Chimney Rock and looked out on the world. I rode a bicycle taxi on a Friday night in Times Square that was amazing. I be-bopped my way through Yellowstone National Park on my way to golf with the Grand Tetons as my backdrop. There’s so much more.

I met Dick from TRC, Meredith from Tabor, and the whole gang at Revolution in Charlotte. I met Jose at JJ Hat Center on Fifth Avenue. Ali at Nick Fouquet in Venice Beach. Shopped at Tom Ford and Hermes on Rodeo Drive. Wish in Atlanta. KITH in both NYC and Miami. Imogene + Willie in Nashville. Kiton in Venice, Italy. And Mike the Hatter in Cleveland. You want some style, check out these places, not the mall around the corner.

I helped raise almost $21,000 for Wingate Soccer and another $3,500 for the Arthritis Foundation. I mentored young bankers in St. Louis, and was a panelist for a Dress for Success event at my hometown Wingate University explaining the importance of how you present yourself. I wrote an article in the Charlotte Agenda that garnered 29,000 reads. I ran a 5k in Charlotte. A 10k in Nashville. A half marathon in Salt Lake City. And the NYC Marathon just last month.

Interestingly, the most challenging, uncomfortable two things I did were also the most rewarding. I repeat. Stop, and let that sink in. No risk. No discomfort. No reward. It’s simple. Stay in your comfort zone, and you will remain average. The writing of the Agenda article caused hundreds of people to come after me personally. It was very uncomfortable for about 3 days. In hindsight, I learned so much about myself and the way people think, and it made me even more confident in my unique beliefs. I hope to do another article soon. Similarly with all of the running. It hurt like hell, but I powered through, and it was one of the greatest literal journeys of my life.

I share all of this with you for a couple of reasons. I’ve always been a go-getter, but this year I really lived life. I learned so much about myself, how I want to live my life, and who I want to surround myself with. I learned that anything is possible if you take initiative. I learned that so many “rules” and “ideas” established in the past are not relevant in 2017. I learned to question everything I am now told along with everything I have been taught. (It sounds exhausting. It’s actually exhilarating.) I learned that life should be exciting, yet so many people are on the sidelines instead of in the game. Don’t be like all of your Facebook friends that do exactly the same thing, think exactly the same way, and complain about all the same topics. Be different. Use your unique gifts. Be you. Live passionately. Go a million miles a minute if you want. Don’t let the past define you. Be present, and go get what you want. Surround yourself with people who give you energy, not those who take it from you. And in turn, give more of yourself.

There is a lot of “I did this, I did that” above. But it’s not about me. I did some of these things by myself, but I did a ton with a variety of family, friends, and acquaintances. I met new people, I gained perspective, and I tried to help as many people as I possibly could. That’s what this blog is about. Not bragging about my lifestyle…trying to inspire others to go live. Pay attention man. The world has gotten ridiculously boring and mediocre. Everyone acts the same. Looks the same. Starts every email with the same sentence. Unbelievable. Get out of your comfort zone, and do your part. Everyone loses their mind about January 1 and New Year’s resolutions. What nonsense. Don’t wait ‘til then. Start now. Live passionately. Live stylishly. It’s time.

I came from Wingate, NC (population 3,689). My parents are teachers. We are not the Kennedys. I didn’t go to some fancy college. I make mistakes like everyone else, possibly more. And I have really freaking bad arthritis. If I can do it, anyone can. No more excuses. Consider yourself called out. I’ll tell you what I have on the docket for 2018 next week, and I sure hope you will join me in living life. Now I have to go finish 2017 strong!

Have a great week, and Happy Holidays!-Benj

The wind chill was 16 degrees on the field at kickoff. It had to be single digits down by Lake Erie. Dang near 0 up in the open air of the Dawg Pound. For once in my life, I had no answer. I packed all the clothes I owned. Didn’t work. Sounds miserable, and it kinda was. But man it was also an experience of a lifetime! A literal dream come true. I had fantasized about this since I was a kid. And I lived it Sunday. Browns vs. Packers in the dead of winter in Cleveland sitting in the Dawg Pound. Let me explain.

Before the Carolina Panthers came into existence, I was a massive Cleveland Browns fan. Loved the colors, the uniforms, and they used to be very good. That was my team, and the above was my dream. Probably the first item I ever put on my bucket list at the ripe age of ten. Now, the Browns are terrible. 0-13. And it was freezing. Why would anyone want to go to that? Because it was my dream, and no one else gets a say in my dreams.  Not my co-workers, neighbors, parents, or anyone else.

When I plan voyages, I always do my research to see what else might be cracking. Turned out the Cavs were in town. Turned out there is a fantastic hat store called Mike the Hatter right on the way. My wheels were turning, and a trip got planned. My buddy (and Ohio native) Ras joined me, and we hit the road early Saturday morning. We drove in the snow for hours due to Winter Storm Benji (no relation). We had fantastic conversation. We got close to Akron, and Ras asked if I wanted to see Lebron’s house. Obvi. So we checked it out as discreetly as possible. We then went to the hat store. I browsed around, got some inspiration, and then bought a new beauty. Then we checked into the hotel. Quick pit stop, and it was time to hit the town. The snow started, the Great Lakes Brewing Company helped warm me up, and the city was buzzing. It was time to check out Lebron’s figurative house. I had seen him just a couple of weeks ago in Charlotte, but when you have a chance to see excellence, you do it. Or at least I do. Lebron had a triple double. Of course.

NFL teams with a ton of history start their tailgating at the crack of dawn. We’ve got some work to do here in Charlotte. I arrived Sunday morning around 9:45am with Ras and his brothers and just be-bopped around for the next couple of hours. Music was blaring, drinks were flowing, and inexplicably certain folks were wearing shorts. The Packers fans travelled well, and that enhanced the experience. We went into the stadium around 11:30am and watched warmups from the front row for about an hour. The game was cool, but the result meaningless to me. The Browns led most of the game, but then lost in overtime, something that Browns fans have seen a zillion times over the years. Not the end of the world. So we filed out, and then started the long drive home.

I got to my house at 2am Monday morning. I was due to be in person with some higher-ups in from out of town late morning. I did it. No issue. I am writing this now. And then I’m going to bed.

What are the takeaways? First, your dreams are your dreams. No one else’s. Make them happen. No excuses. Adventures are the best. We crammed a lot of stuff into roughly 24 hours in Cleveland, and we crammed a ton of great conversation into the 16 hours of driving. Remember to live life. On paper, this trip (along with lots of things I do) makes no sense at all. Too bad life isn’t lived on paper. It’s lived on the windy roads of West Virginia and on the shores of Lake Erie. What a trip. Cleveland rocks!

Special Year in Review next Sunday. Have a great week.-Benj

I got two new tattoos this week. One on my chest. One on my ribs. You can see the pictures. I had originally planned to title this week’s post “Is Benj Secretly a Gangsta” and get into a tattoo discussion, but I found something way more interesting than that this week that I want to touch on. Over the past couple of days, I have had no less than five ridiculously in-depth conversations about life with people. All ages. Male and female. Different races. All over the shop. If you know me well, you know I love this type of conversation. I’m not a shoot the breeze kind of guy. Let’s talk real life and see what comes of it. In my experience, usually some terrific takeaways.

It baffles me how many people in this world live life on defense, not offense. For some reason, that is what we have been programmed to do. Avoiding mistakes. Avoiding discomfort. Fearing the worst. So on. Get a grip folks, and go live. Make mistakes. Get out of your comfort zone. Make a list of things that you want to do or get out of life, and then devise a path to go get them. You are in charge. Not your parents. Not your boss. Not your spouse. You! I’ll give you an example. I was sitting around about 10 days ago thinking, and I was starting to get ancy. I needed a new adventure. A new challenge. A new trip. Something. Before the Carolina Panthers came into existence in 1996 I believe, I was a massive Cleveland Browns fan. They used to be awesome, and I loved the uniforms. For the past 30 years, I have wanted to go to a Browns game in Cleveland during the winter and sit in the Dawg Pound (their uber-fan section). Bippity Boppity Boo. I’ll send ya’ll some pictures from freezing cold Cleveland next Sunday as I enjoy Browns-Packers with my friend Ras. Sure, the Browns suck. Cleveland isn’t sexy. But this is something I wanted to do, and I made it happen.

Folks, it is about changing your mindset. Making decisions out of fear or places of weakness is brutal. And most people do it. As many of you know, I was/am a soccer player. A forward. Loved to score goals. Literally one of the best feelings in the world, even to this day. I play offense. That’s my mindset. I would rather win a game 5-4 than 1-0. Many will disagree with me, and that’s fine, but that simple example speaks to how I view life. I would rather get out there every day and screw up a zillion times than sit on my tail and let life come to me. If there was a penalty kick to be taken, I wanted to take it. I made 99% of them, but if I missed, who cares? It’s better than not being in the game and letting somebody else control my fate. As the late Lucille Ball once said, “I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.”

I’ve heard that golf caddies are supposed to be ridiculously affirmative and positive for their player. For example, if there is water on the left and it is wide open on the right, the caddie should say “go right” instead of “don’t go left”. They mean the exact same thing, but the mindset is wildly different.

Everybody has unique things that they want to do and get out of life. Proof above. Why would anybody want to go to a Cleveland Browns (they suck) game and sit in the cold? Because I freaking want to, and I’m going to do it this week. And it is going to be awesome! Why did I want new tattoos this week? Because that is who I am and what I wanted. I freaking love them! Might someone judge me? Absolutely. But that’s on them, not me. And that’s the moral of this week’s story. Do you. Live your life. With confidence. And you’ll feel exhilarated and free.

Have a great week.-Benj

I received a text last week from a buddy that was headed to a party. It started out “Big event tonight”, and was accompanied by a picture of him. He looked good. He looked different. He self-admittedly was trying something new. Stepping outside of his comfort zone. The next text read “At the event getting compliments and people talking to me. I am not sure what to do now.” I was cracking up. He then said, “I will just text you to get me through this.” By this time I was literally laughing out loud imagining this. 30 minutes passed. “Benj, I am the life of the party. Out of my comfort zone. Retreating pal.” And I’ll end the story there.

My friend could care less about clothes. In fact, he was so ready to make fun of me and call BS when I started this style blog. I’ve worked on him. He reads religiously every week. I’m not trying to transform him or anyone else for that matter into a fashionista. Just raising awareness that how you present yourself is important and that people notice. Case in point above. I don’t think my pal wants to be the life of the party. It’s not who he is. But he was fascinated that my points weren’t complete nonsense. People notice effort. It says something about you. Which leads me to this week’s points.

I have a firm belief that you take on a similar personality to the clothes you are wearing. Think about the military. Always sharp. Always pressed. Always fits. No nonsense. I have never seen anyone in the military slouching around, hemming and hawing over a case of the Mondays. You wear clothes that are sloppy, I tend to witness a slouchy demeanor. Sweats? Maybe you want to relax? Tailored suit? Improves your posture and makes you taller.  Shows you mean business.  I still haven’t figured out the khakis and blue shirt phenomenon. Just seems robotic. Mindless.

Some specific examples from my personal experience. I went to a party in Atlanta a few months ago and wore this crazy pink and blue shirt (above).  I was in the mood to dance and be wild and crazy that night, so the vibes matched up. I wear the above pinstripe, double-breasted suit every couple of weeks. It is my go-to, no-nonsense suit. I wear it if I have to have some tough conversations. Maybe a detailed negotiation. Or just some interaction that is all business. It improves my posture. I walk around supremely confident. I feel invincible. Check out my holiday party pants below. They are nuts. They are actually a really nice pair of pants, just a crazy color and pattern. I wear them once or twice a year when I am in a festive mood.  Mediocrity is not allowed when wearing any of these three examples. Just doesn’t fit.

Next time you see someone moaning and groaning or just getting through the day, take a look at what they are wearing. There is a correlation. I was talking to this guy the other day who is a life coach for young men. He showed me a picture and told me about this young man he was working with. It was a classic before and after. The before: clothes were 2 sizes too big. Posture stunk. Just khakis and blah blah blah. The after: clothes fit, standing straight up, smiling ear to ear, a little color, an accessory here and there. Made me smile so big. The young man had made a huge transformation apparently, and the outward presentation was just a small piece.

The clothes don’t make the man, but if you are looking to stand a little taller, have people curious about what you have to offer the world, or feel a little better about yourself, take note. Pay attention to how you present yourself. Do it for you. All of the examples of my clothes above garner a lot of attention. But I don’t wear them to get attention. I wear them for what I want to accomplish at a particular meeting, party, or interaction. It shows I care. That I make an effort. That I want to live! And those are some of the most stylish traits of all.

Have a great week.-Benj

The world is a wonderfully weird place. I’m starting with the moral of the story this week, and then I’m just going to ramble. Embrace life. It’ll make you laugh. It’ll make you cry. But stay positive. Work hard. Do your own thing. And have fun.

Okay, where is this coming from? Here goes…my wonderfully weird week in review. Last Saturday at 8am, I went to my first “book club” to discuss real life stuff affecting people (not surface level nonsense) with a cool group of complete strangers. It was awesome. I went to a BBQ later that day where, again, the guests were mostly complete strangers to me. I ended up talking to this guy about my desire to spend some time in Santa Fe, New Mexico in the near future. Turns out, this dude had lived there for years, so of course the conversation got popping. On Sunday, I drove down to Wingate to watch Wingate Soccer start their defense of the National Championship, which didn’t last very long. They lost in a penalty shootout on the last kick. The young man who missed was 19, maybe 20 years old, and was just beside himself. I made myself go walk over to him after the game and tell him it will be okay. I’ve been there. It sucks. Come back stronger. Let it fuel you. Heartbreaking. Monday I went to Monday Night Football versus the Dolphins (Check out the Veteran’s Day Panthers jacket above. $200. Gift idea?).  The city was electric. Cam was on fire. All was well with the world again. Tuesday was relatively normal, minus the fact that my son continued to be on vacation in the Deep South, as he has been for the past 2 weeks. His number one passion in life right now is diggers. You know, like the huge construction earth movers. Well, he got to drive one this week, and his world was so alive. Remember that when everyone just mindlessly heads to Disney World, even a 2 year old’s true passion may lie somewhere else. i.e. operating diggers in the middle of nowhere.

Wednesday, Lebron was in town for Wednesday Night Basketball on ESPN. I wanted to go, but couldn’t make myself pull the trigger. I just had a feeling some tickets might present themselves. They did about 3:30pm. I went. It was awesome. And I got a sweet new Hornets patch to go on my ever-evolving jacket. Thursday, Jay-Z was here, and I was so excited to go. Too bad I got strep throat again for the 4th time in 7 weeks. (I’ve got 99 Problems, and strep throat seems to be all of them.) So the week was over for me, and it is now time to plan for surgery on my throat over the next few weeks. I can only laugh. Life is funny.

Last Saturday, I also took a couple of hours to do a little shopping down at the Outlet Mall here in Charlotte. Every few months, I just head down to the Saks Off Fifth there to see what’s up. Sometimes it is complete junk. Sometimes I can find an amazing treasure. This trip, I hit the bullseye. I found a John Varvatos suit from his high end line. Made in Italy. Navy pinstripe. Just gorgeous. I could tell it was different as soon as I saw it. Retails for $2,000. I got it for $200. What a bargain. I had to remind myself that it would need tailoring, so tack on another $100+ to make it fit perfectly. But still. So I took it along with some other stuff (my crazy Christmas pants) to my go-to Myers Park Tailors, and the bill came out to $168. But then I thought, wait, I need to call my friends at Jilson’s Consignment Store in Myers Park first. See, when I get tired of my nicer clothes, shoes, etc., I consign them. That gives someone the opportunity to get some pretty awesome gear at cheaper prices, and I make a few bucks. So I ran by Jilson’s (great place), and they owed me $166. Isn’t that nuts? Tailor bill was paid for by consignment money almost to the dollar. It was meant to be. What a funny world. (I’ll show you the suit next week when I get it back.)

I launched this blog 6 months ago this past Friday. As I think about everything I have done in that time, it’s pretty freaking cool. I’ve met new friends, made new relationships with numerous people in the Charlotte clothing/fashion/style industry, taken lots of trips, accomplished much, with a fair share of sickness and pain in between.

I repeat, the world is a wonderfully weird place. You never know what is around the next corner. Embrace it. Be positive. Work hard. Do you. And of course, try to be a little more stylish.

Have a great week, and Happy Thanksgiving.-Benj

Who is the most stylish person you know? You got the name? Okay, perfect. Now, WHAT makes them the most stylish person you know? Think about it. Leave it in the comments on the blog. Email me. Put it on my Facebook or Instagram. I’ll tell you my ideas momentarily, but I’m curious about yours. I love people with good style, so let’s explore what gets you there.

For me, it is someone who always makes an effort, but doesn’t try too hard. It’s someone who has vision. Something unique about them. Maybe you can’t explain it, but you know it is there. Someone who has extraordinary knowledge in their particular field or career. Someone who is interesting to talk to. Can carry on a well balanced conversation. Someone who is well traveled and exudes positive energy. Makes his or her own decisions. Doesn’t follow trends or care what anyone thinks of him or her. What’s not stylish? Laziness. Conformity. Ignorance. Negativity, to name a few.

If I die tomorrow, I want my tombstone to read “He marched to the beat of his own drum.” That would be the ultimate compliment for me. Sounds selfish, but I have the vision to know that when everyone is 80 years old and saying “I wish I had done it this way, I wish I had done it that way”, I’ll be at peace knowing that I bebopped along my own path. I do listen to every word people say to me, and I read voraciously. I take it all in. But then I make my own decisions based on my unique thoughts, oftentimes zigging when everyone else would zag. The most stylish people I know do blaze their own trail. Sometimes you get it wrong. I certainly have. But stylish people are resilient. I’ve been kicked in the mouth a few times in my life, and I’ve chosen to kick back (sometimes literally).  Soccer joke. Not funny? Fine.

All of these ideas lead into what I think is the most stylish trait of all: confidence. In yourself. In what you are doing. In what you want out of life. You know something else that builds confidence? Dressing well. Seriously. If you can combine some of the above intangible items with the way you present yourself outwardly, you’re going to have a dynamic recipe.

When I was in NYC last week, I finally made it to the legendary JJ Hat Center on Fifth Avenue. Been around for 106 years I believe. I’m totally into proper hats, so much so that I want to learn how to make them. Anyways, I had done some research before going in and found a hat that I loved. So I walked in and was greeted by the superstar Jose, one of the best in the biz. I showed him what I liked. He told me it was a woman’s hat. I thought to myself, I don’t care if it is a gorilla’s hat, I still like the style. He understood, and started educating me on different options. I finally found this beautiful brown fedora made out of long rabbit hair. It was perfect, and when worn with a thick beard and my new pair of brown boots, would look badass this winter. The model had a feather in it, so of course I inquired. Jose opened a cigar box and said take as many feathers as you would like. I picked three colorful ones, and he said sit tight. He went to the back and found one more, stuck it in the hat, and said “Now you are set.” He told me how to care for it. He looked me in the eyes. He called me Mr. Bostic, and shook my hand firmly. He was impeccably dressed. His clothes fit. Had a huge beard. Unique as can be. Knew his trade inside and out. The epitome of style. I was smitten.

In today’s world of participation trophies and school uniforms, we could all use a little more style. As you can see, it comes both from the inside and the outside. Intangible traits plus clothing, hats, and accessories. Pay a little more attention to both. It’s not a contest. It’s not a race. It’s not who can be the coolest. But if being a little more stylish is a goal of yours, reflect on the above. As I always say, it’s more about attitude, confidence, swagger, and self belief than the actual clothes. But the clothes are the exclamation point that can outwardly say “I’m here, I pay attention, and I’m about to go grab life.”

Have a great week.-Benj

Let’s dive right in. I woke up at 2:55am Sunday morning, about the time maybe some of you were coming home Saturday night. I took the bus at 5:20am from 42nd and 5th and arrived in Staten Island at 5:50am. It was chilly, but something special was in the air. I lay around for the next 3 hours just taking it all in until it was time to head to my corral and take off. 10:15am start on the bridge. Straight up hill. The mixture of 50 Cent and “God Bless America” at the wait zone had me hyped. I was ready. It was time to man up. The 2 miles on the bridge were a breeze, and then we entered Brooklyn. Brooklyn was exhilarating. I was cruising. High fiving kids. People yelling my name. I gave a hug to my childhood friend Bess about mile 3. It was all good, but I tempered that thought. I knew it would get tough soon. Fast forward to mile 11, my calves and shins started screaming. Not cramping. Just letting me know they were there. I powered through. It was getting tough. Mile marker 13.1. Half marathon complete. Pace was 8:59/mile. Dead on. 4 hour marathon. And then my right hip went. Just gone. Mile 14 on the Queensboro Bridge, I felt like I had just been shot. Seriously. So I walked. And gathered my thoughts. 13 miles to go and a major joint was not functioning. I got to the top of the bridge and just started jogging. Mile 15 done. My friend Mary was at mile 16. We hugged and took a pic. She posted it on Facebook and said “Ben is doing great!” Little did she know, I wanted to cry. Mile 17 was where my wife Christy and son Banks would be. Christy offered her encouragement, and Banks was screaming and carrying on “Just run daddy, just run!” I teared up. We took a pic, and I immediately knew this would be the longest 9 miles of my life. My right leg was done. Bone on bone at the hip. If you downloaded the NYC Marathon app, go look at the pictures of me. Scroll down to the one where I am walking, holding my right hip, with my left hand over my mouth. That’s my favorite. I was devising a plan for the last 8 or 9 miles. I quickly learned that my body had about 1-2 minutes of pain tolerance at a time. I could walk a few blocks, then sprint a few blocks, then walk, then sprint, and so forth. Unorthodox, but my joints couldn’t handle the consistent pounding any more. I wasn’t quitting. I wasn’t stopping. I wasn’t walking the whole way. No chance. There was a guardian angel that greeted us as we entered the Bronx, and another as we left. They gave us some tough NYC love, and reminded us we were so close. Mile 20, I felt like I was running with no shoes on. Mile 23, I saw a sign that read “When you can’t run with your legs, run with your heart.” So I did. Mile 24, I was ready to quit. I had nothing left. Nothing. I knew Christy and Banks would be at mile 25, and I couldn’t let myself walk in front of my son. Not the right message. So I kept running. I was in Central Park. The crowd was raucous. I could see the end. I could hear the end. But I was still a mile away. A random stranger patted me on the butt and said “You can do it!” I wanted to kill her and marry her simultaneously. I felt nothing but pain. I had told myself leading up to the race that I was running the last mile for myself. No one else. This one was on me. If I wimp out, it’s on me. So I just kept going. And then I finished. And that was that.

I’m not a cliché guy, but this truly was about the journey. 2 journeys actually. The one from May to November, and then the one from mile 14 to mile 26.2. I gave up happy hours. I gave up food with taste. I gave up time with family and friends. I hurt constantly and am sick again. I battled for 5 months so I was ready for the ultimate test Sunday. I thought about my entire life on mile 14 Sunday as I walked. Where I’ve been and where I’m going. I had 12 miles to run with one good hip, and I knew it would be the hardest physical and mental test I had ever endured. I was right. But I did it. My finish time was 4 hours, 32 minutes, and 12 seconds. I don’t know anything about running, but according to the statistics, that makes me an average marathoner. No such thing, my friends. You’re either a marathoner or you are not. A warrior or you are not.

The thing about enduring struggle is that it gives you confidence. Patience. Self esteem. Self worth. Most of all, perspective. From the blind runner who passed me at mile 18. Or the 70 year old lady I ran with at mile 8. Or the guy with one leg at mile 6. Or the vet in a wheelchair at mile 4. Puts things into focus. It makes you stronger. It makes you want more. It makes you want to encourage others to go live life to the fullest. I hope I was able to inspire a few people along this journey. That was my goal. Be positive. Work hard. Grab life. On a normal cold, rainy Sunday morning in November, the arthritis would’ve usually kept me in bed for a while. Sore. Stiff. So on. Last Sunday? Hell nah. I had something to conquer. And I did. And now I’m going to do something else. Join me.

Have a great week.-Benj