Some of the most selfless people I know are also the most selfish with their time, and let me tell you what I mean. Hell, let’s use this blog as an example. I desperately want to help people. Fact. I want to let you see and hear a different mindset, thought process, and way of life from what is getting fed to you by the masses. Maybe it will positively affect or enhance your quality of life. But here is the deal. There is absolutely no way that I can write what I write each week if I don’t pay attention to myself and the things that I enjoy. There is no way to offer perspective on life if I don’t go out into the world and get perspective. There is no way to offer a different thought process if I don’t carve out time for myself daily to read and learn. There is no way to offer credible advice to someone if I don’t first experience it myself. And so I do.

As I was doing my weekly reading this week, I came across some great nuggets. “Learning is the single best investment of our time that we can make.” “Intellectual capital will always trump financial capital.” “Why do the world’s smartest people find at least one hour per day for deliberate learning, while others make excuses about how busy they are?” And last, “It’s never a waste of time or money to invest in yourself.”

I’ve had a few times in my life where I wasn’t really paying attention to myself, and in hindsight, it was an absolute nightmare. So I spent the better part of 2017 getting reacquainted with myself, and check this out. I did more living life in 2017 than I had ever done in my life, and guess what, I helped miles more people than I had ever done in my life. That is not a coincidence. The energy that you get from understanding what makes you tick in addition to actually doing the things you love is out of this world. I felt like I could run a marathon.  I felt like I could climb a mountain. (Oh wait, I did.)

Part 1 of the process is really getting to know yourself. Part 2 is learning how to say “no” to things that you have no interest in or will not better your life. Your time is the most valuable resource you have, and I see a ridiculous (I mean, ridiculous) amount of time wasting going on every single day. I am the master at saying “no”. Honestly, it does not bother me. A pal told me this week “Your life is too much fun.” Only because I am deliberate and intentional with what I want to do with my time. I sometimes come off as aloof or uninterested, but it is because I have had too much real life experience of shooting the breeze at some mediocre party or networking event to know that I am actually not missing a thing. Instead, I choose to pursue what I want.

I had a great conversation with a high school friend a few months ago. I asked her what she was doing these days, and she told me this. “I had a child. My drive to work was 2+ hours round trip each day. I dug deep with myself. And I quit my job.” I wanted to kiss her forehead. Boom. That’s what I am talking about! She realized she wasn’t living the life she wanted anymore, so she changed it. And she had a massive smile on her face as she told me.

I’m not asking y’all to make crazy-ass decisions without digging deep, but I am asking you to get to know yourself. And if your life isn’t matching who you really are or want to be, change it. I call it being brutally honest with yourself. I’ve said it at least 5 times this week to people already. I’ve got to be honest. I’m not totally there yet. But I am well down the path. And the amount of true freedom and positive energy that you get when you understand and make time for yourself is unreal.

And then you can help people. Lots of them.

Have a great week.-Benj

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If you had told me 15 years ago that I would ever write something titled this, I would have said you were crazy. But nonetheless, here I am, and it is proof that people evolve and that many behaviors can be learned. What do I mean? I can hear some of you saying right now to yourselves, “this doesn’t apply to me because I am just not adventurous.” That is what I would have said 15 years ago, but not today. Not anywhere close.

I’m always talking about mindset, and I am going to break that down for you today. Do you have any of these feelings right now: life is dull, I do the same thing every day, I need some excitement, etc.? Then pay attention. Start small. Go to a new restaurant this week. Wear an article of clothing you would never wear. Do something different that you usually would never do. But start small. You want to make sure that the worst case scenario of doing this is meaningless. For example, you go to a new restaurant. It sucks. $25 wasted. Not the end of the world. Upside, however, is: You’ve never tried duck. It was awesome. You took a tiny risk. It worked out. That was exciting. You like this. You’ll do more.

That is literally how it started for me, and now I just can’t get enough of life. Running a marathon, traveling monthly, climbing mountains, and so on. This is life to me now. This is how I think. This is my mindset. But not always. I had to put the effort in. I had to be open-minded to new things. I had to be willing to “fail” (and I did plenty of times). I had to learn to be spontaneous. I had to experience the phrase “no risk, no reward”. And it all started with baby steps. It bled into my being. And here I am now.

Speaking of now. I am on the eve of my first major trip of 2018, and I want to tell you literally how it came about. I decided the end of January would be a good timeframe, so I penciled that in my head. I then googled “Map of USA” because I’m totally into domestic trips right now. I enlarged the map, closed my eyes, and pointed. I landed on the Tennessee, Kentucky, Indiana area, so that was my starting point. I went to Nashville in 2017, so that was out. I had never been to Louisville or Indianapolis, so that was in. I then checked what concerts or games might be in the area during that timeframe, and I hit the jackpot. Kevin Hart on January 28 and my beloved Charlotte Hornets at Indiana Pacers on January 29. Boom! So I booked relatively inexpensive hotels for 3 nights, snagged tickets for the 2 events, and decided the remaining details will be figured out on the fly. Spontaneous. Just have to make sure I pick up some patches for my crazy jacket.

When is the last time you had a real adventure? I’ve had 5 this week. Man, it is good for the soul. Hiked the Pinnacle Trail at Crowders Mountain. Snow-sledded during the Great Blizzard of 2018. Sat on the floor for Hornets vs. Wizards. Tried a new restaurant. Hiked the Backside Trail at Crowders Mountain.  During the first hike, my pal Junior and I reached the top of the trail and saw a sign that read “Warning: Serious Injuries and Deaths have Occurred Beyond this Point”. I wouldn’t have always done this, but I gave him the look immediately that we would be continuing our climb. That immediate decision to continue is now ingrained in me, but it can be traced back to a baby step I started with some 10 years ago. Life is a bona fide adventure for me now. I have a zest for life that wasn’t present even 3 years ago. And if you enjoy reading this every week and want to experience it for yourself, start this week. Seriously. “You can change your life to anything you want” is a phrase that has become cliché. But listen, I am going to be sitting in Indianapolis next Monday night watching my Hornets play right in front of me. Random, I know. But that is what I wanted to do on that random Monday night, and it is going to be awesome. If you want your own adventure, start small, but think big. It’s your life. Own it.

Have a great week.-Benj

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I just realized that I need to revise my dinner party invitation from a few months ago because I forgot to invite Tom Ford. You know, Tom Ford, one of the most fantastic fashion designers in the world. I have a couple of his shirts, a handful of his ties and pocket squares, and a pair of sunglasses. The quality is beyond exquisite. Sumptuous, even. But here’s the deal. Unless you are a gazillionaire, filling your closet with his pieces is very price-prohibitive. Suits are $4,000 and up. You get the picture.

I’ve always wondered why I like his brand so much. The clothes are great, but there was always something so much more that I couldn’t put my finger on. And a writer from Esquire finally hit the nail on the head for me. Paraphrased: “We Americans are casual, comfortable, and nice. Tom Ford doesn’t care about any of that. He’d rather give us what we lack: glamour, swagger, charisma, polish, and a little darkness.”  I love the swagger piece. And I’ll add adventure and exploration just for good measure. It’s gone MIA in the general population, and I’m seriously concerned.

See, I encounter a lot of people on a daily basis and am a part of or overhear numerous conversations. These conversations are significantly lacking in adventure, excitement, and open-mindedness. It sometimes takes everything inside of me not to interject my two cents to complete strangers, or better yet, fall asleep. But if it is a conversation I am indeed a part of, you will see the gleam in my eyes immediately, and you know it is coming. A different perspective. That’s it. One that values effort, spontaneity, and risk-taking, among others. My being literally cannot handle the community of complaining and closed-mindedness that some time, some how became “cool” and so many people became a part of. Here’s the deal. It’s not cool. And if you think it is because you have huddled around twenty other likeminded individuals afraid to leave their comfort zone, the joke is actually on you.  But I am here to help.

Tom Ford represents to me everything that is possible in this huge world. Leaving your comfort zone. It has not a damn thing to do with money. It’s about edge. Effort. Excitement. Not a single detail has been overlooked. It’s also about a certain mindset. When I wear his clothes I feel different. Ready for battle. Adventurous. That I could walk into the Ritz Carlton anywhere on the planet and feel confident that I belong. That sounds crazy, doesn’ t it?

You have to remember that I am from little old Wingate, NC. I learned in my teenage years that the world was bigger than Union County. Bigger than Charlotte. Even bigger than the United States. But just because I learned this 20 years ago doesn’t mean that you can’t start now if that feeling is burning inside of you. Start with the idea. For example, you want to go to London in April. Then work backwards. Figure out the logistics for keeping the kids or the dogs. Figure out the savings plan to pay for it. And so on. Don’t start with the plan. Plans tend to get in the way. Start with the adventure, and that’ll make sure you go. And when, not if, you get to London, swing by Tom Ford and pick you up a tie (guys).  Wear it to a nice dinner. And then report back to me. Guaranteed you’ll have the gleam in your eye this time, not me. And then maybe I’ll let you write the blog that week so you can tell the world how you got your swagger back.

Have a great week.-Benj

Are you in the game? Seriously. Ask yourself. Are you in the game, or are you on the sidelines of life? What do I mean? Okay, since I love and play sports, we will start there. If there was a penalty kick to be taken in the soccer game, I wanted to take it. If there was a free throw to win or lose the game with 1 second left, I wanted to take it. Field goal to win or lose the game? That’s right. And guess what? I have “won” games before, and I have “lost” games before. But I was in the game, and it was on me. This sounds strange, but it feels so much better to lose the game than to not be in the game at all. That sentence is what most people miss. Too scared of losing or making a mistake to join the party. So I ask again. Are you in the game, or better yet, will you please join?

Okay, next questions. What are your best gifts? Your unique gifts? Are you using them? Daily? Hourly? Every once in a blue moon? What are you terrible at? Are you wasting time on those instead of focusing on all the good you can do with your strengths? I was having dinner the other night with a group of friends, and the topic of manual labor came up. I think I crawled underneath the table. Quickly. Now, if you know me, I not only despise manual labor but I am no good at it. Like awful. But I am really good at helping people think freely, consider different perspectives, and be the best version of themselves. So why in the hell would I spend all day Saturday doing manual labor instead of talking to folks, thinking, or writing? Oh, because it has to be done you say? Well, funny thing. There is someone out there who is awesome at manual labor but may need a bit of my unique perspective to help them at some point in their life. They can help me. I can help them.

I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t doing enough of it. Once in a blue moon. But then I realized through a series of twists and turns that I had the opportunity to make an impact in every interaction I have each day. With a co-worker. A waitress. A complete freaking stranger. So do you. So are you? Or are you at least working on it? I am trying real hard. Through my life experiences, I have a unique outlook on life. I absolutely despise the status quo and mediocrity. I see too many people every day who are just going through the motions, and they are miserable and complaining at every turn. So I am trying to use my perspective to help bring some positive energy to family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers who might have become a little jaded, timid, or stale in their daily routines. You can bust out. I did. And it is freaking great! I’m not selling you anything. Just a changed mindset. Some swagger. A little free thinking and self-analysis. That’s what I’m good at. Remember it’s 2018, not 1995. Your parents don’t think for you anymore.

But back to you. If you came to me, I could tell you within 15 minutes what you are really good at. But I bet you already know. It could be something unusual by society’s standards. But guess what? The world can use it. The world can use your effort. Not your endless hourly complaining about who knows what. No, your actual positive, God-given gifts. It could be your job. It could be a side hustle like mine. It could be a hobby. It could be volunteering. But here is the trick. Maybe you enjoy it. Maybe you are good at it. But find a way to make it enhance the quality of other human beings’ lives. And then you are in the game, and we can start having a different conversation.

Have a great week.-Benj

Maybe you are looking to add a little style to your life. Maybe you are trying to gain a little perspective on life. Or maybe you just want to see a cool new place. Regardless, New Orleans can help. Ready? Let’s go. So I was there last week for probably the 4th or 5th time in my life. Your eyes open up as soon as you hit Lake Pontchartrain. If you have any type of imagination, you can visualize the flood waters from Katrina rising, and it scares the crap out of you, even 10+ years later. You keep moving, and see rows and rows of houses that still haven’t been touched since then. You wonder where the hell everyone went? Did they just not come back? I have no idea. And then a minute or two later you are in the French Quarter where everyone is partying and carrying on. It’s especially beautiful at Christmas.

I wrote an article about money a few months ago and the 4 things that I do with it: spend, save, live, and give. It’s how I go through cities too, minus the save part (unless you count the 40% off sale I hit). The first thing I did when I arrived was walk the streets of the French Quarter. Canal. St. Charles. Carondelet. Bourbon. Smelled the Cajun spices mixed with urine on the streets. Nothing like it. Palm trees covered in Christmas lights amidst the sea of concrete. Right beside the Mississippi River. I then hit a super hip store called Friend that is attached to the Ace Hotel. I got a hand-dyed pocket square and a new patch for my jacket (see below). Both are one-of-a-kind pieces. I then went to Meyer the Hatter, the largest hat store in the South. It is 121 years old. It was like stepping back in time, mixing and mingling with an older generation that loved hats and a newer generation trying to bring them back. Just because I love to stir the pot, I asked if Cam Newton got any of his hats here. I was met with silence. And then the whole store started talking Panthers-Saints. Round 3 next Sunday. After some serious searching, I found a new willowy, moss-green fedora, and I was set.

It was 2.9 miles to Villalobos Pitbull Rescue Center, home of the world-famous Pit Bulls and Parolees television show. It was time to give back, so I went to volunteer and walk the dogs. I wasn’t 1 minute out of the glamorous French Quarter, and I could have been on a different planet. The poorest of the poor. Some of the areas are dangerous, but I have to see it. I have to understand. I need the perspective. On the way to the rescue center, I saw this place called Eat at Melba’s in the Upper Ninth Ward. Ooh, I thought. What’s this? I googled it. Bingo. I’d be back. Finally, to the rescue center. Panthers-Saints talk again got popping immediately. And then they brought me Tigger, an 11-year old brindle pitbull from California. His owner was in Iraq for the 3rd time. He looked lost. So I talked to him. And walked him. And petted him. I did what I could for the short amount of time I was there. He’ll find a new home. He’s a good boy. And then I was gone. Eat at Melba’s was unreal. Grilled gulf shrimp. Jumbalaya. Corn grits. Buttered toast. Cherry cream soda? That was a new one even to me, the ultimate soda lover.

These types of trips are why I can interact with virtually anyone. I am as comfortable talking with a gangster as I am a CEO. Because when you immerse yourself in different cultures, geographies, styles, and so on, you learn. Hear that? You learn. Ignorance dies. Prejudice dies. I don’t speak the language of black and white. I speak the language of style, rescue dogs, and good Southern food, among others. Most people I see dress the way they dress because that is how they were raised, what they see every day, or is all that they know. Same for how and who they interact with. Never leaving their bubble. I had a great conversation about this with my buddy Steve the other day. He is from Ireland. We were later joined by my buddies from Cameroon and new friends from South Africa. That’s how you learn perspective, style, and the wonderful diversity of this world.  Try it.

And if you decide to go to New Orleans, just remember this. When you are partying and acting a fool on Bourbon Street, there are people and dogs right around the corner that need your help. With a little effort, you can fit it all in. And you might even learn something too. Imagine that.

Have a great week.-Benj

Want to know what I have planned for 2018? Not a damn thing. Now, we all know that’s not really true, is it? Well, it kind of is. Let me explain. I made about 50 (yes 50) changes in my life in 2017. Some small. Some very large. One of the changes I made was to not concern myself with goals and planning, and let me tell you what I mean. We’ve all been taught to make 90 day plans, 1 year plans, 5 year plans, where do you see yourself, and so on. And you know what I’ve found? People are so interested in what the plan is that they forget to enjoy the journey and live life. If something amazing enters their life that isn’t part of the plan, they dismiss it. They ignore it. They miss out. Just because it wasn’t part of the plan. I was talking to my buddy Kevin the other day, and he reminded me of a great example. Last year, he got the opportunity to go to Duke/UNC at Cameron Indoor Stadium which is literally the bucket list of all bucket list items. One caveat. It was same day, and he essentially needed to go tell his boss he was leaving right then and there. So he did, no questions asked. And I was so proud of him, because so many people wouldn’t have, and they would have missed the most amazing life experience. Simply because it wasn’t in their plan for the day. So I’ve squashed plans and goals. I’ve learned to enjoy each day and be open to what may come my way at all times. So my plans for 2018 are nonexistent. But I do have some ideas. You ready?

Am I traveling? Well, of course I am. Remember last week when I said I had been to 20 states in 2017 (21 now)? Well, I plan on hitting that number plus some on just one trip next year. Cross country drive. What are the plans? Who knows. But stay tuned because it is going to be epic! I also want to head back out West and attempt to ski, and there will certainly be plenty of others. I usually only plan my trips 2 weeks in advance, if that. Let me tell you how it works.

First off, places like Disney World and Myrtle Beach and Paris never cross my mind. Would I go there? Sure. But touristy places don’t do anything for me. Someone wants to head to Milwaukee, Wisconsin or Mexico City for a little exploration? Now you have my attention. Okay, so maybe it’s Tuesday night. I’m feeling a little adventurous. Most people are waiting for the weekend to do whatever it is people do on the weekend. I decide I’m curious about Portland, Oregon, for example. So I dial up Travelocity and check out flights and hotels. I then see if the Trail Blazers (NBA) or Timbers (MLS) are in town. I research concerts, festivals, top stores, best restaurants, and local brews. I think do I know anyone in the general vicinity that may want to have dinner. That’s it. If it tickles my fancy, then I see if anyone wants to go with me. Sometimes it’s no. Sometimes it’s yes. And then I (or we) go. It ain’t rocket science. It’s just living.

On a smaller scale, I want to continue to be a minimalist and pare down the things I own. Stuff weighs you down and prevents you from living life. I want to be outside more. Maybe hike. Maybe run some more. At a minimum, I open my sunroof every chance that I get. The fresh air makes me feel alive. I want to make things with my hands. I have been crafting a unique jacket all year. I used to make cool bead necklaces and bracelets. I want to learn how to make hats. I want to teach and inspire as much as I can. Maybe it is the blog, daily or weekly huddle sessions with co-workers, or the phone calls that I have learned to love with just about anybody. And of course, it is time to get back to playing soccer. These are all just minor, but contribute heavily to my happiness and fulfillment.

So what’s the point? It’s been a really tough past 10 days here. I lost a wonderful, wonderful friend, and on last Tuesday paid my last respects to Blake and his family. He was 35, and is the second “best friend” of mine gone way too soon.

I implore you to start living life. You never know when it will be gone. Whatever you have always wanted to do, do it. Don’t make plans to do it. Do it. Don’t think about doing it. Do it. If you want to travel, travel. If you want to learn a skill, sign up for a class. If you want to be taken more seriously or feel more confident, consider sending some things to Goodwill and revamping how you present yourself. But listen, it’s what you want, nobody else. Society tells you that is selfish. Nonsense. The more you pay attention to your own gifts, happiness, and fulfillment, the more you have to offer everyone in your life. I have experienced this first-hand. Listen to your heart. Don’t overthink things. And act. You are going to hear a lot of that from me this year because I am finally getting through to people. Your feedback and actions let me know that, and I couldn’t be more pleased. If you want to get in on my weekly random bang-out phone conversations, message or call me. This is my side hustle. This is my passion. And I am begging you to recognize yours and act on it. Now.

Have a great week.-Benj

I have taken 15 separate trips in 2017. I’ve still got 1, maybe 2, to go. Some of the trips then had side trips. 20 states so far. 2 countries. Salt Lake City was my favorite. Wyoming and Montana were close seconds. Interestingly enough, Miami was my least favorite. I still had fun, but too much “me, me, me”. I may have to go to Los Angeles every year now. Loved it! NYC never disappoints. It feels like home to me. Traversing Northern Italy was my favorite adventure and provided some of the most picturesque landscapes I have ever seen. I snuck a peek at the Grand Canyon and Zion National Park on a plane, enough to whet my appetite to go back. You just read about my trip to Cleveland last week. (If you didn’t, go do it after this.) That’s just a small sampling.

I went to Cameron Indoor for Duke-NC State (not counting this as a trip). I gazed at the Hollywood sign from my hotel bed. I put my feet in the Pacific for the first time. I ate a sandwich beside Matt Ryan at The Beverly Hills Hotel. I sat behind Meghan Trainor on the floor at Lakers/Clippers. I ate the most insane watermelon dish in Miami. I had the best steak just off the campus of Ole Miss. Hattie B’s hot chicken in Nashville was outstanding, though not recommended before running a 10k. I rode jet skis in the Gulf of Mexico on my birthday. I launched this blog the day before. The best party I went to was in Atlanta. On a separate trip to ATL, my MLS experience at the new Mercedes Benz Stadium was incredible, even if I was sick as a dog. I climbed above Chimney Rock and looked out on the world. I rode a bicycle taxi on a Friday night in Times Square that was amazing. I be-bopped my way through Yellowstone National Park on my way to golf with the Grand Tetons as my backdrop. There’s so much more.

I met Dick from TRC, Meredith from Tabor, and the whole gang at Revolution in Charlotte. I met Jose at JJ Hat Center on Fifth Avenue. Ali at Nick Fouquet in Venice Beach. Shopped at Tom Ford and Hermes on Rodeo Drive. Wish in Atlanta. KITH in both NYC and Miami. Imogene + Willie in Nashville. Kiton in Venice, Italy. And Mike the Hatter in Cleveland. You want some style, check out these places, not the mall around the corner.

I helped raise almost $21,000 for Wingate Soccer and another $3,500 for the Arthritis Foundation. I mentored young bankers in St. Louis, and was a panelist for a Dress for Success event at my hometown Wingate University explaining the importance of how you present yourself. I wrote an article in the Charlotte Agenda that garnered 29,000 reads. I ran a 5k in Charlotte. A 10k in Nashville. A half marathon in Salt Lake City. And the NYC Marathon just last month.

Interestingly, the most challenging, uncomfortable two things I did were also the most rewarding. I repeat. Stop, and let that sink in. No risk. No discomfort. No reward. It’s simple. Stay in your comfort zone, and you will remain average. The writing of the Agenda article caused hundreds of people to come after me personally. It was very uncomfortable for about 3 days. In hindsight, I learned so much about myself and the way people think, and it made me even more confident in my unique beliefs. I hope to do another article soon. Similarly with all of the running. It hurt like hell, but I powered through, and it was one of the greatest literal journeys of my life.

I share all of this with you for a couple of reasons. I’ve always been a go-getter, but this year I really lived life. I learned so much about myself, how I want to live my life, and who I want to surround myself with. I learned that anything is possible if you take initiative. I learned that so many “rules” and “ideas” established in the past are not relevant in 2017. I learned to question everything I am now told along with everything I have been taught. (It sounds exhausting. It’s actually exhilarating.) I learned that life should be exciting, yet so many people are on the sidelines instead of in the game. Don’t be like all of your Facebook friends that do exactly the same thing, think exactly the same way, and complain about all the same topics. Be different. Use your unique gifts. Be you. Live passionately. Go a million miles a minute if you want. Don’t let the past define you. Be present, and go get what you want. Surround yourself with people who give you energy, not those who take it from you. And in turn, give more of yourself.

There is a lot of “I did this, I did that” above. But it’s not about me. I did some of these things by myself, but I did a ton with a variety of family, friends, and acquaintances. I met new people, I gained perspective, and I tried to help as many people as I possibly could. That’s what this blog is about. Not bragging about my lifestyle…trying to inspire others to go live. Pay attention man. The world has gotten ridiculously boring and mediocre. Everyone acts the same. Looks the same. Starts every email with the same sentence. Unbelievable. Get out of your comfort zone, and do your part. Everyone loses their mind about January 1 and New Year’s resolutions. What nonsense. Don’t wait ‘til then. Start now. Live passionately. Live stylishly. It’s time.

I came from Wingate, NC (population 3,689). My parents are teachers. We are not the Kennedys. I didn’t go to some fancy college. I make mistakes like everyone else, possibly more. And I have really freaking bad arthritis. If I can do it, anyone can. No more excuses. Consider yourself called out. I’ll tell you what I have on the docket for 2018 next week, and I sure hope you will join me in living life. Now I have to go finish 2017 strong!

Have a great week, and Happy Holidays!-Benj

The wind chill was 16 degrees on the field at kickoff. It had to be single digits down by Lake Erie. Dang near 0 up in the open air of the Dawg Pound. For once in my life, I had no answer. I packed all the clothes I owned. Didn’t work. Sounds miserable, and it kinda was. But man it was also an experience of a lifetime! A literal dream come true. I had fantasized about this since I was a kid. And I lived it Sunday. Browns vs. Packers in the dead of winter in Cleveland sitting in the Dawg Pound. Let me explain.

Before the Carolina Panthers came into existence, I was a massive Cleveland Browns fan. Loved the colors, the uniforms, and they used to be very good. That was my team, and the above was my dream. Probably the first item I ever put on my bucket list at the ripe age of ten. Now, the Browns are terrible. 0-13. And it was freezing. Why would anyone want to go to that? Because it was my dream, and no one else gets a say in my dreams.  Not my co-workers, neighbors, parents, or anyone else.

When I plan voyages, I always do my research to see what else might be cracking. Turned out the Cavs were in town. Turned out there is a fantastic hat store called Mike the Hatter right on the way. My wheels were turning, and a trip got planned. My buddy (and Ohio native) Ras joined me, and we hit the road early Saturday morning. We drove in the snow for hours due to Winter Storm Benji (no relation). We had fantastic conversation. We got close to Akron, and Ras asked if I wanted to see Lebron’s house. Obvi. So we checked it out as discreetly as possible. We then went to the hat store. I browsed around, got some inspiration, and then bought a new beauty. Then we checked into the hotel. Quick pit stop, and it was time to hit the town. The snow started, the Great Lakes Brewing Company helped warm me up, and the city was buzzing. It was time to check out Lebron’s figurative house. I had seen him just a couple of weeks ago in Charlotte, but when you have a chance to see excellence, you do it. Or at least I do. Lebron had a triple double. Of course.

NFL teams with a ton of history start their tailgating at the crack of dawn. We’ve got some work to do here in Charlotte. I arrived Sunday morning around 9:45am with Ras and his brothers and just be-bopped around for the next couple of hours. Music was blaring, drinks were flowing, and inexplicably certain folks were wearing shorts. The Packers fans travelled well, and that enhanced the experience. We went into the stadium around 11:30am and watched warmups from the front row for about an hour. The game was cool, but the result meaningless to me. The Browns led most of the game, but then lost in overtime, something that Browns fans have seen a zillion times over the years. Not the end of the world. So we filed out, and then started the long drive home.

I got to my house at 2am Monday morning. I was due to be in person with some higher-ups in from out of town late morning. I did it. No issue. I am writing this now. And then I’m going to bed.

What are the takeaways? First, your dreams are your dreams. No one else’s. Make them happen. No excuses. Adventures are the best. We crammed a lot of stuff into roughly 24 hours in Cleveland, and we crammed a ton of great conversation into the 16 hours of driving. Remember to live life. On paper, this trip (along with lots of things I do) makes no sense at all. Too bad life isn’t lived on paper. It’s lived on the windy roads of West Virginia and on the shores of Lake Erie. What a trip. Cleveland rocks!

Special Year in Review next Sunday. Have a great week.-Benj

I got two new tattoos this week. One on my chest. One on my ribs. You can see the pictures. I had originally planned to title this week’s post “Is Benj Secretly a Gangsta” and get into a tattoo discussion, but I found something way more interesting than that this week that I want to touch on. Over the past couple of days, I have had no less than five ridiculously in-depth conversations about life with people. All ages. Male and female. Different races. All over the shop. If you know me well, you know I love this type of conversation. I’m not a shoot the breeze kind of guy. Let’s talk real life and see what comes of it. In my experience, usually some terrific takeaways.

It baffles me how many people in this world live life on defense, not offense. For some reason, that is what we have been programmed to do. Avoiding mistakes. Avoiding discomfort. Fearing the worst. So on. Get a grip folks, and go live. Make mistakes. Get out of your comfort zone. Make a list of things that you want to do or get out of life, and then devise a path to go get them. You are in charge. Not your parents. Not your boss. Not your spouse. You! I’ll give you an example. I was sitting around about 10 days ago thinking, and I was starting to get ancy. I needed a new adventure. A new challenge. A new trip. Something. Before the Carolina Panthers came into existence in 1996 I believe, I was a massive Cleveland Browns fan. They used to be awesome, and I loved the uniforms. For the past 30 years, I have wanted to go to a Browns game in Cleveland during the winter and sit in the Dawg Pound (their uber-fan section). Bippity Boppity Boo. I’ll send ya’ll some pictures from freezing cold Cleveland next Sunday as I enjoy Browns-Packers with my friend Ras. Sure, the Browns suck. Cleveland isn’t sexy. But this is something I wanted to do, and I made it happen.

Folks, it is about changing your mindset. Making decisions out of fear or places of weakness is brutal. And most people do it. As many of you know, I was/am a soccer player. A forward. Loved to score goals. Literally one of the best feelings in the world, even to this day. I play offense. That’s my mindset. I would rather win a game 5-4 than 1-0. Many will disagree with me, and that’s fine, but that simple example speaks to how I view life. I would rather get out there every day and screw up a zillion times than sit on my tail and let life come to me. If there was a penalty kick to be taken, I wanted to take it. I made 99% of them, but if I missed, who cares? It’s better than not being in the game and letting somebody else control my fate. As the late Lucille Ball once said, “I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.”

I’ve heard that golf caddies are supposed to be ridiculously affirmative and positive for their player. For example, if there is water on the left and it is wide open on the right, the caddie should say “go right” instead of “don’t go left”. They mean the exact same thing, but the mindset is wildly different.

Everybody has unique things that they want to do and get out of life. Proof above. Why would anybody want to go to a Cleveland Browns (they suck) game and sit in the cold? Because I freaking want to, and I’m going to do it this week. And it is going to be awesome! Why did I want new tattoos this week? Because that is who I am and what I wanted. I freaking love them! Might someone judge me? Absolutely. But that’s on them, not me. And that’s the moral of this week’s story. Do you. Live your life. With confidence. And you’ll feel exhilarated and free.

Have a great week.-Benj

I received a text last week from a buddy that was headed to a party. It started out “Big event tonight”, and was accompanied by a picture of him. He looked good. He looked different. He self-admittedly was trying something new. Stepping outside of his comfort zone. The next text read “At the event getting compliments and people talking to me. I am not sure what to do now.” I was cracking up. He then said, “I will just text you to get me through this.” By this time I was literally laughing out loud imagining this. 30 minutes passed. “Benj, I am the life of the party. Out of my comfort zone. Retreating pal.” And I’ll end the story there.

My friend could care less about clothes. In fact, he was so ready to make fun of me and call BS when I started this style blog. I’ve worked on him. He reads religiously every week. I’m not trying to transform him or anyone else for that matter into a fashionista. Just raising awareness that how you present yourself is important and that people notice. Case in point above. I don’t think my pal wants to be the life of the party. It’s not who he is. But he was fascinated that my points weren’t complete nonsense. People notice effort. It says something about you. Which leads me to this week’s points.

I have a firm belief that you take on a similar personality to the clothes you are wearing. Think about the military. Always sharp. Always pressed. Always fits. No nonsense. I have never seen anyone in the military slouching around, hemming and hawing over a case of the Mondays. You wear clothes that are sloppy, I tend to witness a slouchy demeanor. Sweats? Maybe you want to relax? Tailored suit? Improves your posture and makes you taller.  Shows you mean business.  I still haven’t figured out the khakis and blue shirt phenomenon. Just seems robotic. Mindless.

Some specific examples from my personal experience. I went to a party in Atlanta a few months ago and wore this crazy pink and blue shirt (above).  I was in the mood to dance and be wild and crazy that night, so the vibes matched up. I wear the above pinstripe, double-breasted suit every couple of weeks. It is my go-to, no-nonsense suit. I wear it if I have to have some tough conversations. Maybe a detailed negotiation. Or just some interaction that is all business. It improves my posture. I walk around supremely confident. I feel invincible. Check out my holiday party pants below. They are nuts. They are actually a really nice pair of pants, just a crazy color and pattern. I wear them once or twice a year when I am in a festive mood.  Mediocrity is not allowed when wearing any of these three examples. Just doesn’t fit.

Next time you see someone moaning and groaning or just getting through the day, take a look at what they are wearing. There is a correlation. I was talking to this guy the other day who is a life coach for young men. He showed me a picture and told me about this young man he was working with. It was a classic before and after. The before: clothes were 2 sizes too big. Posture stunk. Just khakis and blah blah blah. The after: clothes fit, standing straight up, smiling ear to ear, a little color, an accessory here and there. Made me smile so big. The young man had made a huge transformation apparently, and the outward presentation was just a small piece.

The clothes don’t make the man, but if you are looking to stand a little taller, have people curious about what you have to offer the world, or feel a little better about yourself, take note. Pay attention to how you present yourself. Do it for you. All of the examples of my clothes above garner a lot of attention. But I don’t wear them to get attention. I wear them for what I want to accomplish at a particular meeting, party, or interaction. It shows I care. That I make an effort. That I want to live! And those are some of the most stylish traits of all.

Have a great week.-Benj