This week’s post topic was chosen by my Instagram Stories followers, and it was narrowed down to “A Day in the Life Of”. One caveat. As I have written before, no two of my days look alike, so I will normalize as best I can. You ready? Let’s go.
I wake up at 6:45am. From 6:45 to 7, I check emails, the blog website, and Instagram and mentally prepare myself for the day. At 7, I go back to sleep with my son. We snuggle from 7 to 7:30. This is the favorite part of my day. At 7:30, the mayhem begins as my wife and he work to get out the door by 8 and me soon after. I drink a Mountain Dew every morning. (If I ever suddenly die, tell the coroner to check for excessive Mountain Dew.) I film a quick Instagram video for the blog, and then turn on gangster rap and sing at the top of my lungs for my 5 minute commute. I’m sufficiently hyped. I blaze into the office (I am a banker) and get straight to my to-do list. No coffee runs. No how’s the weather. On it. I get 90% of what I need to get done each day by lunchtime because I don’t horse around. I am uber-focused. So my top priority project and client-related items happen before lunch. At lunchtime, I either go grab something tasty (I work Uptown) with my co-workers and friends, or I go home. If I go home, I may take a hot bath, go for a run, or watch Stephen A. Smith (I love him!). The afternoon (unless I have scheduled client calls) is for projects, “desk work”, and the part of my job I love the most. Mentoring and helping my co-workers. I am currently mentoring 5 people either formally or informally, and this is really where I feel like I can add value to people’s lives. I have 2 goals with all of these interactions. Help them understand the big picture and that there is a massive world out there. Help them understand a “bigger” way to think. If they are smart and motivated, we can teach them to be good bankers, no problem. It’s the larger intangibles that can really affect their lives, and they oftentimes are not getting this anywhere else. I then check my to-do list for the day and make sure I am pleased with the progress. I make a to-do list for tomorrow. And then it is boys time. Recently, it has been darts and grapefruit vodka from 5-6pm. It’s good for the soul. Then I’m out.
6:30 to 8:30 is family time, in some way, shape, or form. I travel usually once every 3 or 4 weeks now. Christy is out of town once every 6 weeks. She also now has women’s group commitments 1 or 2 nights a week. So really, there is no rhyme nor reason to family time. But somehow, it works. If it’s boys night, we go to a Hornets game or have a Chick-Fil-A date. If it is full family, we go out to dinner half the time and stay in half the time (I cook a mean frozen pizza). Every other night a bath. Every night some kids movie and reading a book. That’s family time, however it looks, and some how, some way, we have molded a pretty incredible 3 year old.
At 8:30, it looks like I am just staring into my phone. But from 8:30 to 10:30, I am creating. Working on content. Studying behaviors. Thinking. Researching. Writing. Strategizing. Interacting. I usually have 5 text strings going. I may have a phone conversation with my friend and business partner Junior. I absolutely love it. It is fulfilling. I hope I am adding value to other people’s lives with the unique way I see the world, and I just love doing it. My phone then usually dies, which means it is time to go to bed. 8 hours sleep. Mandatory.
I want to point out a few things here. One: As a general rule, I do not waste time. I don’t spend any time watching the news, reading all the bad news on Facebook, or watching TV (minus sports). I have a firm belief that these mediums are ruining the way people view the world. I have been actually traversing the USA meeting actual people in actual places, and 99.9% of people are absolute gems. Two: I have a firm belief that real interaction with co-workers, friends, family, strangers, guys if you are guys, girls if you are girls, and alone time are all insanely important. My day typically includes all of these categories, and that is intentional. Do not discount these 3 in particular that so many are not doing: strangers, guy time (in my case), and alone time. Massively important.
And that is my day and a few of my thoughts. If I had to pick one word to describe my day, it would be intentional. I don’t meander. I run my day. It doesn’t run me. And there is so much, I mean so much, value in that!
Have a great week.-Benj
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Do you have any idea how interesting it is to wear a bona fide men’s hat these days? No, not logistically, although being 6’4″ and then adding 6 more inches is somewhat interesting when walking onto a plane. I’m talking about the conversations it starts. We’ll come back to that.
Originally, I was going to be in Toronto, Canada last week, but due to the extreme northeast weather, I ended up in Dallas, Texas. (I’m not even going to talk about that cluster, although I am basically a travel agent now.) You know what else I’m not going to talk about? How cool it was seeing Air Force One at the Charlotte airport. Or how good the Texas brisket was. Or how sobering exploring the JFK assassination site was.
Or how neat it was to be atop the city with 360 degree views. Did I mention the brisket? I’m also not going to talk about the jalapeño margaritas. Or the FC Dallas soccer game. Or the personal tours of Cowboys and Rangers stadiums. Definitely not going to talk about seeing Dirk, Mark Cuban, and the Mavs up close and personal. That stuff was incredible, but let’s go next level.
I want to tell you about the conversation with the lady from Bloomington, Indiana, where I just was a month ago. I want to tell you about the Friday Night Lights conversation with the rural Texas local. I want to tell you about custom making a hat with Cassie at House of MacGregor, and our Kentucky Derby conversation (where I also just was). I want to tell you about my conversation with Luke (friend, Wingate family, professional footballer) after the FC Dallas game. I want to tell you about local legend Michael Jones, who gave me a very cool tour at the JFK site for $10 cold hard cash. The accuracy of this “tour” is debatable. The once in a lifetime experience is not. I want to tell you about my Uber drivers Allan, Aaron, Angela, and John who advised me on my blog, social media, the suburbs of Dallas, American Ninja Warrior, keeping up with the Joneses, race relations, and parenting. And last but not least, I want to tell you about my new friend Victor, who gave me the ultimate experience of kicking field goals and catching touchdown passes on the field at Cowboys Stadium. (If you are not following my Instagram Stories, you are missing out.)
I want to tell you the importance of getting out of your comfort zone. I want to tell you the importance of periodically leaving your inner circle and conversing with others. And I want to tell you the importance of visiting the real world instead of just the resorts, which is kind of just fantasyland.
I love clothes because of how they make me feel. It’s like anything else. You remember how that person made you feel. You remember how that game made you feel. You remember how that experience made you feel. And so on. And clothes are no different, except you are typically just wearing them when you experience one of the above.
I introduced my friend Junior to the world of made to measure this past weekend. He’s getting married in a couple of months, and he wants to look and feel like a million bucks. I sent him to the uber-cool Sid Mashburn in Atlanta two weeks ago, and last Saturday we spent the afternoon at the fantastic Taylor, Richards, and Conger in Charlotte.
You want to treat yourself? These are the types of places. Even though I was just there to assist, I couldn’t help myself, and I got 2 ties and a plaid suit at their end of season sale. We tried on $10,000 blazers just for fun. We looked high. We looked low. And eventually, we ended up in the magic room. You know, the magic made to measure room. All we were missing was a glass of scotch and cigars.
Did you know that you can make a suit or shirt exactly to your individual specifications? Not just your exact size. Your exact everything. Pick your fabric. Your color. The inner lining color or design. The types of buttons. Pockets. Belt loops. The cuffs and collar on your shirt. Literally everything. Match it to your personality. Is this necessary? No. Absolutely not. But most of the wonderful things in life are not necessary. Is this expensive? Can be. I have a few of these pieces, and the way they make you feel when you are conducting business, having dinner, or getting married is unreal. You feel like you. The best version of you. It’s an investment in yourself. Not in how you look. Go deeper. In how you feel. In how you value yourself.
It was 80 degrees when I left Charlotte last Friday. I saw a dude walking down Morehead Street in flip flops, swimming trunks, and a towel (a bit ambitious). Saturday morning at the White House, it was as picturesque as a post card. By midday, I was in a snowstorm.
I started the day at all of the monuments, not having been there in years. I mean, I was at the center of the world. The home of the most powerful position on Earth. I spent a couple of hours there, and then as usual, started my real exploration. I drove east to the area called Anacostia. Google the crime stats. I saw some revitalization going on, but I also saw buildings boarded up and covered with graffiti. I saw a car with the tires slashed and bullet holes through the windows. It reminded me of a time in Atlanta when I saw a man get shot. I then took a stop at the newish Washington Nationals Park, and then straight into the construction zone that is DC United’s new Audi Field. I drove by the Capitol, by what looked like a drug rehabilitation center, and then across downtown DC to the posh Georgetown area. I made a wrong turn (if there is such a thing in Georgetown), and ended up at the Potomac Boat Club. From Anacostia to the Potomac Boat Club. From Earth to Mars.
I had 3 really fantastic family meals. Mexican and margaritas. Sushi and ramen (my 3 year old son can use chopsticks and I can’t). And a banging Sriracha Thai Shrimp Burger that was a huge risk, but turned out fantastic.
On Sunday, the family took the hour drive to Baltimore to take my son to the National Aquarium. Live dolphin shows. Worth the price of admission. It was freezing outside. Hot as hell in the tropical rainforest inside. A quick detour to the amazing Camden Yards on the way out. Great ballpark. Baltimore is wild. The touristy Inner Harbor is lovely. 3 streets away, I was almost robbed with my mate Vinny back in 2005.
Monday, I spent about 2 hours by myself at the greatest outlet shopping mall on the planet, Leesburg Premium Outlets in Northern Virginia. The Saks Off Fifth and Armani Outlet have all sorts of hidden gems. I picked up 3 beautiful pieces from Armani, as I realized I hadn’t showered in 4 days.
Let’s be honest. The best part of the trip was seeing my long lost love Sarah. I saved her life years ago. I loved her. Then I had to give her away. And now I get to see her maybe once a year…and I so cherish that time.
So what’s the point? Some people like routine. I hate it. It sucks all the air out of the proverbial room. I like different things and differences among people and lifestyles. I like different viewpoints and different activities. And you know why I like it? Because if you have seen, experienced, and felt various options, you can actively choose the one or ones that you love. If you only know one way, well then, you only know one way. And I’m not saying it is bad, but have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone that only knows one way?
It’s been 9 months. I finally have my voice. Took a lot of tinkering. A lot of trial and error. A lot of gut checks and self-reflection. A lot of help from others. But I’ve got it now, and it is here to stay. My promise to you is that my blog will never be nonsense. It won’t be theories and complaints. It will be something I’ve actually experienced. My hope is that every week it will be fresh, and something that you haven’t seen or heard before. And my ultimate goal is that it gives you the courage to explore yourself, make the appropriate adjustments, and live an absolutely amazing life.
I’ve always been a bit of a free thinker, but this past 9 months I have almost totally left the mainstream. It was super boring, and ridiculously unfulfilling. I told myself, “this sucks, and I can’t imagine living my next 65 years this way”. So I changed it. I questioned everything I had ever seen or heard, no matter the source. I asked myself is this relevant, logical, or applicable to life in 2018. Well over 50% of what I knew wasn’t any more. So I changed it. It looks weird, I know. Hell, it sometimes feels weird. I get tons of resistance, and even more questions. But you know what, I am alive. Like, crazy alive.
You have seen all of the trips, challenges, games, etc. I have been to, but this 9 months has really been about the immense amount of self-reflective work I have done. I held up the mirror. If I didn’t like what I saw, I changed it. If I wanted to know more, I explored it. I wanted to know different options of living life, and I found out that truly anything is possible. But it’s not enough to say that. You have to do it. Live it. So I do. And I take a ridiculous amount of pictures so that I can show you. It’s not a front. I’m living it daily. I’m observing and experiencing and changing and growing. But most importantly, I’m doing. Too much talk going on out there. 95% of it is bullshit, riff raff, and nonsense. Not enough action. If only every time I saw or heard the phrase “What I would do…”, the person actually did it. Novel idea.
My weekly blog is something I passionately believe the world needs to hear. I witness firsthand too many people that are living their lives for something or someone else: their employer, their parents, their spouse, the country club, the proverbial Joneses. Stop it. Get yourself right. Get your juices flowing. And you will feel differently. I’ve made about a 75% transformation. Funny thing, I simply transformed into the real me.
I occasionally get asked what I want out of life. You ready? EVERYTHING. I want to feel the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I want to be the President of the United States, climb Mt. Everest, visit all 50 states (getting close), all 7 continents. Should I keep going? I am gonna work and grind and try and live. Just live. And I am going to take every experience that I have (good, bad, or ugly) to try and help as many people as I can, which is my biggest and proudest transformation of all!
You’ll still see my crazy hats, pink boots, and eclectic clothes. It’s just not the focus. Life is so much more.
I have a wife. Her name is Christy. She is very talented at a lot of different things. She is an excellent mother. And she is actually who introduced me to my adventurous side some 12 years ago. I have a 3 year old son named Banks. His birthday was Saturday. He is ridiculously talented at a lot of different things. He is a daredevil (from me) and is super kind (from Christy). I have 2 dogs. The Jack Russell Terrier is named Becks. She’s nuts. The chihuahua is named Happy. He’s deaf. I also have a job. I am a banker for a large bank in Charlotte, NC. Believe it or not, I have been in banking for almost 16 years now. And you know what, I am keenly aware that I never write about any of this. It’s not that these things are not a huge part of my life or that they are not important. It’s just not what the blog is about.
Reason 1: I have always been very private about certain aspects of my life. Definitely my “private” life. You are not going to see a lot of it. Example 1A: Banks’ birthday Saturday. I’m not going to send him a post on Facebook about how he is the best kid ever and how I can’t believe he is 3. I can believe it. It feels like roughly 3 years. He also doesn’t have Facebook. Instead, I decided to spend 2 full, quality days with him hugging him, kissing him, and telling him how much I love him. It was great.
Reason 2: the first piece of advice I got when starting this blog was twofold. Your content needs to be awesome. And do something that no one else is doing (a good piece of general life advice also). You don’t need a blog on my private life. I’m a husband, a father, and an employee just like you. I have my ups and downs, successes and failures. If you want a blog on those topics, just open up your social media feed. You’ll immediately have about 200. But if you want that other part of me that is so important to my individual fulfillment? You know, the exploration, the insanity, the renegade. Then tune in. Going to Indiana by myself last Monday was awesome. Wearing the below hat this weekend to the party was awesome. Wearing the below tie to a client loan closing next week will be awesome. (BTW, my clients freaking love it. Why? Because it is different.) That individual expression and fulfillment piece is being ignored by so many, and it is so important. (Not a theory. Firsthand experience.). I know my idea of individual excitement might look a little weird by society’s conformist standards. But let’s be honest. I don’t care. What I do lights my world on fire, and it makes me so much better in all the more “normal” aspects of my life that you never see.
So what’s the moral of the story? You’re only getting bits and bobs of my life in this blog. It’s not meant to be a full-fledged autobiography. It’s not meant for you to live vicariously through me. It’s not meant for you to be a “follower”. It’s sole purpose is to encourage you to go grab life…whatever that means to you.
Don’t get it twisted. Travel is a ton of fun. But it’s not why I travel. In the past, I’ve simply told you what I’ve done and where I’ve been. I’m gonna start letting you in on why I do what I do. The way I think. Because if you simply say to yourself, “that looks fun”, you are gonna miss the boat. So why have I started travelling like a maniac? I’m frustrated. The world is super-divided right now. Old and young. Black and white. Rich and poor. Democrat and Republican. People don’t understand each other, but more importantly, no one is taking the time to try and understand each other. So I told myself last year, I’m gonna go figure this nonsense out. I’m gonna go see firsthand how people live. What they do for fun. What their key issues are. How they think. What their backyard looks like. To me, that is the only way to truly start a worthwhile conversation. I overhear more conversations that start “You know what the problem is…” If you’ve lived it, I’ll listen. If not, you’ve already lost me.
I post these pictures on social media of landmarks, adventures, and games, but my true experience is so much deeper. You recently saw that I went to Churchill Downs, Indy Motor Speedway, and Hornets vs Pacers. What you didn’t see were my lengthy stops at the University of Kentucky, University of Louisville, and University of Indiana to admire the architecture and explore years and years of history.
I told you Kevin Hart was hilarious, but I didn’t tell you how deep he goes into the real life problems he has recently experienced. Or how he ran the NYC Marathon and went to Japan recently to get out of his comfort zone. I posted a picture of the “Grand Canyon of the South” and how it made me feel like I was in a James Bond movie. What I didn’t tell you about was the town I explored just 10 minutes away that time has forgotten. I had a few drinks with my buddy Gazza in Kentucky. The first minute we caught up on the “who, what, and where”. The other 2 hours were the “why and how”. Pay attention to that. The first part is just gossip. The second part is where life’s fulfillment comes from.
I got emotional at Churchill Downs as I experienced the day. That 18 minute IMAX video about Derby Day will get you. Some go there to party. For others, it is their life’s crowning achievement. I ate at this diner adjacent to the track called Wagner’s that took me back to the 1920s. I felt it in my bones. I talked with my shuttle driver whose entire world is the .2 miles surrounding Churchill. You can’t understand his life until he actually tells you. I hung out on the Ohio River at sunset in Evansville, Indiana. It was gorgeous, and rather cold. There were beautiful, old mansions close to the river, and then not 1 minute away was a humungous gathering of homeless people. I saw it with my own two eyes. More importantly, I saw it in their eyes.
I experienced a drive across Indiana where I was the only car for hours at a time. What do these people do? Where do they shop? How do they make money? The people of Indiana were fantastic. I arrived in the middle of a snowstorm with my smart-ass self dressed from head to toe in Charlotte Hornets gear. It started loads of conversations, which is what this world really needs. The tour guide at Indy Motor Speedway helped me understand the magnitude and importance of the track to American culture. I ate at St. Elmo’s, a legendary steakhouse around since 1902. They made me feel like Frank Sinatra. At the Hornets-Pacers game, I got booed. I got my toboggan pulled over my face by the mascot. But I also had conversations with every person that passed about who knows what. They were curious, and so was I. And finally on the trip home, I went through Cincinnati. GPS told me to take the bypass. Nope. You don’t learn anything on the bypass. Gotta go through downtown. And then I hit a couple of local BBQ spots on the ride home. Just to compare and contrast.
So there it is. Sometimes I travel by myself, and people ask why and if I get lonely. Considering I talk to everyone I come across, that answer is no. I wanna be a part of the solution. I wanna stir the pot. I wanna start conversations. And the most credible way to do so is to experience it firsthand. And so I do.
It just happens to be a ton of fun.
I’ve had a few times in my life where I wasn’t really paying attention to myself, and in hindsight, it was an absolute nightmare. So I spent the better part of 2017 getting reacquainted with myself, and check this out. I did more living life in 2017 than I had ever done in my life, and guess what, I helped miles more people than I had ever done in my life. That is not a coincidence. The energy that you get from understanding what makes you tick in addition to actually doing the things you love is out of this world. I felt like I could run a marathon. I felt like I could climb a mountain. (Oh wait, I did.)
If you had told me 15 years ago that I would ever write something titled this, I would have said you were crazy. But nonetheless, here I am, and it is proof that people evolve and that many behaviors can be learned. What do I mean? I can hear some of you saying right now to yourselves, “this doesn’t apply to me because I am just not adventurous.” That is what I would have said 15 years ago, but not today. Not anywhere close.
I’m always talking about mindset, and I am going to break that down for you today. Do you have any of these feelings right now: life is dull, I do the same thing every day, I need some excitement, etc.? Then pay attention. Start small. Go to a new restaurant this week. Wear an article of clothing you would never wear. Do something different that you usually would never do. But start small. You want to make sure that the worst case scenario of doing this is meaningless. For example, you go to a new restaurant. It sucks. $25 wasted. Not the end of the world. Upside, however, is: You’ve never tried duck. It was awesome. You took a tiny risk. It worked out. That was exciting. You like this. You’ll do more.
That is literally how it started for me, and now I just can’t get enough of life. Running a marathon, traveling monthly, climbing mountains, and so on. This is life to me now. This is how I think. This is my mindset. But not always. I had to put the effort in. I had to be open-minded to new things. I had to be willing to “fail” (and I did plenty of times). I had to learn to be spontaneous. I had to experience the phrase “no risk, no reward”. And it all started with baby steps. It bled into my being. And here I am now.
Speaking of now. I am on the eve of my first major trip of 2018, and I want to tell you literally how it came about. I decided the end of January would be a good timeframe, so I penciled that in my head. I then googled “Map of USA” because I’m totally into domestic trips right now. I enlarged the map, closed my eyes, and pointed. I landed on the Tennessee, Kentucky, Indiana area, so that was my starting point. I went to Nashville in 2017, so that was out. I had never been to Louisville or Indianapolis, so that was in. I then checked what concerts or games might be in the area during that timeframe, and I hit the jackpot. Kevin Hart on January 28 and my beloved Charlotte Hornets at Indiana Pacers on January 29. Boom! So I booked relatively inexpensive hotels for 3 nights, snagged tickets for the 2 events, and decided the remaining details will be figured out on the fly. Spontaneous. Just have to make sure I pick up some patches for my crazy jacket.
When is the last time you had a real adventure? I’ve had 5 this week. Man, it is good for the soul. Hiked the Pinnacle Trail at Crowders Mountain. Snow-sledded during the Great Blizzard of 2018. Sat on the floor for Hornets vs. Wizards. Tried a new restaurant. Hiked the Backside Trail at Crowders Mountain. During the first hike, my pal Junior and I reached the top of the trail and saw a sign that read “Warning: Serious Injuries and Deaths have Occurred Beyond this Point”. I wouldn’t have always done this, but I gave him the look immediately that we would be continuing our climb. That immediate decision to continue is now ingrained in me, but it can be traced back to a baby step I started with some 10 years ago. Life is a bona fide adventure for me now. I have a zest for life that wasn’t present even 3 years ago. And if you enjoy reading this every week and want to experience it for yourself, start this week. Seriously. “You can change your life to anything you want” is a phrase that has become cliché. But listen, I am going to be sitting in Indianapolis next Monday night watching my Hornets play right in front of me. Random, I know. But that is what I wanted to do on that random Monday night, and it is going to be awesome. If you want your own adventure, start small, but think big. It’s your life. Own it.
I’ve always wondered why I like his brand so much. The clothes are great, but there was always something so much more that I couldn’t put my finger on. And a writer from Esquire finally hit the nail on the head for me. Paraphrased: “We Americans are casual, comfortable, and nice. Tom Ford doesn’t care about any of that. He’d rather give us what we lack: glamour, swagger, charisma, polish, and a little darkness.” I love the swagger piece. And I’ll add adventure and exploration just for good measure. It’s gone MIA in the general population, and I’m seriously concerned.
See, I encounter a lot of people on a daily basis and am a part of or overhear numerous conversations. These conversations are significantly lacking in adventure, excitement, and open-mindedness. It sometimes takes everything inside of me not to interject my two cents to complete strangers, or better yet, fall asleep. But if it is a conversation I am indeed a part of, you will see the gleam in my eyes immediately, and you know it is coming. A different perspective. That’s it. One that values effort, spontaneity, and risk-taking, among others. My being literally cannot handle the community of complaining and closed-mindedness that some time, some how became “cool” and so many people became a part of. Here’s the deal. It’s not cool. And if you think it is because you have huddled around twenty other likeminded individuals afraid to leave their comfort zone, the joke is actually on you. But I am here to help.
Tom Ford represents to me everything that is possible in this huge world. Leaving your comfort zone. It has not a damn thing to do with money. It’s about edge. Effort. Excitement. Not a single detail has been overlooked. It’s also about a certain mindset. When I wear his clothes I feel different. Ready for battle. Adventurous. That I could walk into the Ritz Carlton anywhere on the planet and feel confident that I belong. That sounds crazy, doesn’ t it?
You have to remember that I am from little old Wingate, NC. I learned in my teenage years that the world was bigger than Union County. Bigger than Charlotte. Even bigger than the United States. But just because I learned this 20 years ago doesn’t mean that you can’t start now if that feeling is burning inside of you. Start with the idea. For example, you want to go to London in April. Then work backwards. Figure out the logistics for keeping the kids or the dogs. Figure out the savings plan to pay for it. And so on. Don’t start with the plan. Plans tend to get in the way. Start with the adventure, and that’ll make sure you go. And when, not if, you get to London, swing by Tom Ford and pick you up a tie (guys). Wear it to a nice dinner. And then report back to me. Guaranteed you’ll have the gleam in your eye this time, not me. And then maybe I’ll let you write the blog that week so you can tell the world how you got your swagger back.
anything but khakis 