Friends, I desperately need your help this week. Nothing too wild and crazy…just need you to send some good vibes my way, and let me tell you why. I have quietly been very sick for the past 6 weeks. I have had needles in my hip, needles in my arm, and have consumed every antibiotic ever invented for all but 4 days of that time, fighting strep throat and who knows what else. (Maybe I should have been raising money for that instead of the Arthritis Foundation.) Why is this so important other than the obvious? Because I have a personal goal to run 26.2 miles next Sunday in under 4 hours in the greatest city in the world. No biggie, except that I don’t think I have been able to run 26.2 miles TOTAL the entire past month. So, I need your good vibes and your positive thoughts. Thanks in advance.

Every week I sit here and love to offer unsolicited advice, positive feelings, and encouragement about living a passionate and stylish life with the hope that you will hear a different perspective…a perspective you might like, or even love…and then get super-jazzed about living each day. And I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this yet, but I never really tell you how to do it. You have to figure it out yourself (thanks Dad for that quality). I’m never going to write a self-help book or a step-by-step guide to living life. I wouldn’t know where to start. I’m all about attitude, swagger, self-belief and will. If there is something I want in life, I go and get it. I can’t tell you how, just that I will make sure it happens. I used to score goals that way. Get deals done at the office. And I’m about to go do that this week in NYC. How? I have no freaking clue. Actually, scratch that, I do know how. I believe in myself. I believe in the incredible energy of NYC. I believe in the unwavering support (monetary, written, and verbal) of family and friends over the past 6 months. And last, but certainly not least, I’m just going to make it happen.  I have to.

I’m nervous. Scared even. I’ve shed a few tears this past week as I’ve been unable to get off of the couch and do anything about it. I’ve got people worried about me. It’s okay. I’m fine. This is actually one of the things that I knew could happen on this journey. I was aware I could get sick. I knew injury was a possibility. Fatigue. Swelling. So on. That’s why I did this. I write every week that anything is possible if you go grab life, and sometimes I have to remind myself personally that this is true and that I am not feeding people a line of BS. I’m predicting a miracle next Sunday. I have no idea what that means…but I feel it, and I play life by feel. From everything I’ve read, finishing the NYC Marathon is a definite Top 5 moment in life. To do it under these circumstances, man. Next week you may read that I didn’t finish, and you know what, I’ll be crushed. But I’ll man up and promptly convey all of the wonderful things that I learned along the journey that took me from Charlotte to Nashville to Salt Lake City to New York City. But if I finish and finish strong, join with me in celebration. Not that some guy named Benj ran a long way under tough circumstances. Nah, screw that. Let’s celebrate that indeed anything is possible, and it’s time to start living life that way!

I’m bib # 19659 and I start at 10:15am EST next Sunday, November 5 in Staten Island. My goal is to be finishing in Central Park by 2:15pm. It’s on ESPN, and you can track my every move online via the NYC Marathon app, so take a peek. Send me a note this week if you wish. I promise I’ll get you back if you ever need it. And to those who will be there in person, thanks in advance. I’m gonna need you.

So, challenge yourself.  Test yourself.  Get out of your comfort zone.  I have not been comfortable for the past 6 months, and it has been ridiculously fulfilling.  1 more week to go.  I’ll be ready.

Have a great week. -Benj

I found out this week that I am a goat. And not just any kind of goat, but a blue goat. I am not talking like Michael Jordan and the greatest of all time (G.O.A.T). I’m talking actual goat.

I had lunch with my friend Court Creeden this week, who published his new book Blue Goat last week. The book talks about being yourself and the life changing power of breaking away from the masses and living the life you, not anyone else, wants to live. Genius. Amazon. $11.99. Take a peek. So here is what it says about being a blue goat i.e. not being another sheep in the herd. “Goats are naturally curious. They are known to love exploring…They don’t allow their surroundings to dictate their life. They are extremely inquisitive about the world around them…they are okay being around other goats…”

Is anyone curious anymore? About anything and/or everything? And if so, why do so few people act on that curiosity? Let me let you in to my head (and my Google search engine) from this past week. Here goes: What are the logistics of moving to Italy? How many patches (trips) until I completely cover the back of my denim jacket? Which Knicks game should I go to at Madison Square Garden in 2 weeks? Would DL Hughley, my favorite comedian who is in Charlotte next week, have any interest in having lunch with me? Where is next year’s boys golf trip going to be? And how many times would it take on the mountain before I learn how to actually ski? Okay, that’s only scratching the surface, but that gets the point across. The world is as big as you make it, and mine is wide open. Other than the first question above, I’m definitely pursuing the others within the next few weeks and months. I don’t bother myself with petty stuff or stuff I have no interest in. It’s a massive time and energy sap, and there is too much stuff out there that I actually do have interest in. I love adventure and new things and good challenges. And my list is long. Like, really long.

I had dinner with my mom and dad last Wednesday and told them I was planning a cross country road trip next year. They were hyped. I told them I was debating whether to do the Oregon Trail from Oregon to Cape Cod, or the Loneliest Road from San Francisco to the Chesapeake Bay. And seeing how many friends I could stop in and have a meal with along the way. That is how my mind works. Oh, I believe the question that prompted this conversation was “Benj, how was your day?” I could’ve said “fine” or “traffic sucked” or “Trump is an idiot”, but that is an energy drain. Can you feel it? The other response was lively, interesting, and what was actually on my mind. Make your world a little bigger.

As Court and I had lunch, the topic of style did come up briefly. As you can see, he and I are both wearing suits. But I want to make it very clear, we both like to wear suits. It’s not mandatory. It’s sharp. It’s comfortable for me. And it stands out in a sea of everything else. Let me tell you what I wore last week Monday to Friday. Monday, an olive cashmere suit with a purple bandanna as a pocket square. Tuesday, a grey turtleneck sweater. Wednesday, a blue plaid suit. Thursday, a grey cashmere sweater. Friday, a little bit of everything, including a Charlotte Hornets lapel pin (great win by the way!). It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to have your own style. I wore the olive cashmere suit you see in the picture to a client’s office on Monday. Closed an almost $5 million loan. They loved it. Because I was being me, and that’s what people get drawn to. Be yourself, but be the best version of yourself. The most stylish. The most professional. So on. People will either like you or they won’t, but at least they are getting you, not fake you. If they don’t like the real you, sigh, and move on. But if they do…man…hold on! That’s what life is all about.

This week, think about who you are and what you want to do with your life. It can be simple things like deciding which Knicks game to go to or more complex like moving to another continent. But it can also be thinking about how you present yourself and the real relationships that you want to build with people in this world. It’s your life. Be thoughtful about it and then go enjoy!

Have a great week.-Benj

I spent a long weekend this past week at Lake Lure, Chimney Rock, and Asheville, NC. It was a great adventure that included hiking above Chimney Rock to Devil’s Head, sneaking up to The Biltmore Estate with my wife Christy late Friday night after a great wedding at The Inn on Biltmore, and doing a tough training run along Lake Lure. I spent my four undergraduate years in the mountains of NC and had never done any of that. Can you believe that? Ya’ll know I love new stuff, so even though this was almost in my own backyard, it was right up my alley.

But that’s not what I want to talk about this week. I want to focus on my Sunday through Thursday instead. The world is filled with people that forget to live life during the week, instead focusing only on Friday and Saturday night for excitement. Ya’ll also know that I’m a numbers guy, and it just makes no sense to me to have seven days in a week, and only really “live” for two. Two out of seven…that’s only 29%, and not enough. I know I’ve mentioned this before.

So last Sunday, I spent the day watching the Panthers beat the Lions, designing tattoos with my friends at Paris Tattoos in Charlotte, and writing. Monday evening, I took my son Banks to visit my parents while I did a Dress for Success event at Wingate University. On Tuesday, I dropped by and chatted with my new friends at Taylor, Richards, & Conger in Phillips Place, picking up some new clothes and talking all things style. Wednesday, I took Banks to Peppa Pig Live at Belk Theater, essentially blowing his little freaking mind in the process. And Thursday, I headed to Lake Lure with my family, stopping at the legendary Bridges BBQ in Shelby before watching the Panthers Thursday Night Football game at a cabin in the woods. (We lost. I know. Not the point.)

So what is the point? Everyone has things they enjoy that are unique to them. The things I describe above are some of mine. I love the Panthers. I love art and tattoos and creativity and design. I like teaching young people things that might leave a lasting impression on them and improve not only their chances of getting a first job, but also enhance their view of life. I like talking clothes and all things style. It’s a key driver in my life. I love my family, and I adore my son, and to watch him be so happy just filled my heart. Oh, and I love BBQ. Obviously.

You have to figure out what your individual passions are, acknowledge them, and make time for them. My Sunday through Thursday was as jam packed and exciting as my long weekend, and that is how I like it. Some of my best weeks see me spending Saturday just relaxing, which means my entire week has been very fulfilling. And that’s what I call living life.

I try to do at least one thing every day that I am passionate about. Sometimes more. You get one life. It’s yours. So explore your interests. Often. Not just on Saturday night. Catch a weekday Hornets game if you are in Charlotte. The regular season starts this week. Grab a fun dinner at some place different than usual. You get the point. This coming week, I’ve got a long run planned for Monday. A Happy Hour Tuesday. Wingate Soccer Wednesday. Father/son night Thursday. No days off.

Have a great week.-Benj

(Make sure to catch the Pics and Details page on http://www.anythingbutkhakis.com for all things style.)

One of the most important skills I have developed over the past few years is the ability to say I don’t know. I tend to focus my energy on my strengths and then surround myself with people who do know the answers to these other things. It works well. You should try it. And it served me particularly well a couple of weeks ago when I had to call up my good friend Junior. See, I really enjoy writing this blog every week. I enjoy conveying the way I see the world along with style tips for both beginners and advanced people alike. I hope it’s entertaining to you all, but I also hope you get a tidbit or two each week that actually helps enhance your life. The rest of the stuff (the picture taking, the social media, the marketing, etc.), not only do I hate it, I also have no freaking clue what I am doing. So 4.5 months in, I called Junior and told him I had no idea what I was doing, and that I needed his help. A lot of folks are afraid to ask for help, but I know what I am good at, and I know where I need help. Writing the blog=good. Marketing it=terrible. So I needed help, and Junior was the man for the job.

Junior is a good friend. Some of you know him. Some of you do not. He is an excellent soccer player. A soon-to-be marketing genius. He has 3 college degrees. Is 5 years younger than me. And a sounding board that is wise beyond his years. So we had lunch, and I laid it out there for him. He was basically my blog shrink. We talked through details which I won’t bore you with, but you will likely see as the blog continues to evolve. But the most important thing that he said to me that day was “Benj, you are not a fashion blogger.” And I looked him in the eye and said, “Nor do I want to be”. We laughed, and basically agreed that my actual website and blog was what I wanted it to be, but my marketing of it to people that are not familiar with who I am was extremely weak. I was using the wrong hashtags. Saying I was something that I wasn’t nor had any desire to be. So the people who were reading my blog were getting one experience, but people who were just looking at my social media were getting something completely different.

He texted me a couple of days later with a laundry list of ideas and some necessary changes. I told him I needed to put him on the payroll. So as I am always saying, if changes are needed, actually make them. I hope you are already seeing and enjoying some of them. It wasn’t that my previous version was wrong, it just wasn’t right. And it will likely be tweaked again down the road as my thoughts continue to evolve. But for now, I’m going to continue to give you insights into my life experience that hopefully will help yours, and style advice. Nothing more. Nothing less.

So it turns out that my pal Junior is quite stylish himself. So I thought this week I’d let someone else weigh in and give some tips from a different point of view. Interestingly enough, his two points should be a familiar concept by now. One, make sure your clothes fit correctly. That should be easy enough, right? Still lots of work to be done there. And second, make sure your style is authentically you. He has his style. I have my style. You find yours. He’s got the business casual mastered (see picture above).  I rarely ever do business casual. Different strokes for different folks. Be you, put some thought into it, and make sure the items fit.

A few style points from me this week also. Accessories, i.e. the extra details, are so important. In Junior’s picture above, you see the bracelets, the watch, and the pocket square. In my picture immediately above, you literally see some of my favorite items. A limited edition Gucci scarf/pocket square from Florence, Italy. A classic black Tom Ford tie you can wear anywhere. Hand painted dalmatian cufflinks from Brooks Brothers. Leather/cashmere gloves and an alligator belt, both from Ralph Lauren Purple Label. I wear a Rolex every day that is engraved with my son’s initials and his birth year. And finally, an engraved silver pen that I use for everything that I have had for 18 years. Seriously. This is grown up stuff. I spend money on the details for a variety of reasons. With the engraving, it’s personal. With some of the fabrics, it’s the best quality in the world. And for all of it, people know that I pay attention to everything.

A few things to take out of this week’s post. First, it is ridiculously important to have a good sounding board in life. Vital. Second, don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know” and then find the experts who do know. In my twenties, I knew everything. In my thirties, I know surprisingly little. Sound backwards? Not at all. Third, you can start paying attention to the details today. These items will be an investment in your personal style. Those above will literally be with me until they fall apart, and in some cases, that may be after I’m dead. Quality. And last, continue to think about and develop your unique style, and focus on properly fitting clothes. Isn’t it amazing how many times that theme keeps coming up?

Thanks Junior for your help, and everyone have a great week.-Benj

(Please note my new Instagram is @anythingbutkhakis.)

I had the wonderful opportunity this past Wednesday to spend the day with about 50 college students looking for internships with my company next summer. They were all juniors in college and quite impressive. I ran case studies with them all afternoon basically gauging how they think and communicate, and again, was blown away. I took a quick break later on in the afternoon and then met back up with everyone for an evening reception where the students could get one-on-one time with me (and others) to ask any questions they might have about anything.

The very first question/statement I got was from a young man who had been in one of my case studies, and he said, “You don’t look like a banker”. So I asked him what a banker was supposed to look like, and he said “clean-shaven, white shirt, navy suit, red tie”. So I told him very quickly that I never have and never will look like a banker, even though I have been in banking for 15 years. He was intrigued, and then informed me that I also had a big beard. I laughed and told him he was correct. This was all building up to him asking me what the dress code is for bankers these days. I told him that I was the wrong person to ask because I kind of do my own thing, but gave him 2 things to chew on instead. First, always be yourself. There will be dress codes and other codes that you have to adhere to, but there is an artful way to do things and still be in compliance. Second, I told him that contrary to the masses, successful people have something that is a little different about them. A particular skill. An attitude. A slightly different look. A way of talking to people. So on. And that working to develop whatever that may be will take you a long way in life. I don’t think he was expecting that answer, but real learning does deep, and I hope he will remember that.

If we had had the time to go over how to dress (i.e. his actual question) that night, here is what I would have told him. Fit is most important, fabric is second, and what it actually looks like (color, etc.) is last. When I’m shopping, this is always the order of importance. As an example, I get stopped a fair amount these days by people that want to talk to me about khakis. I want to make it clear once and for all that I could care less if you wear khakis, but please make sure they fit and are made of a reasonable fabric (cotton chinos for casual, a nice wool for more dressed up). If you look at the “About Benj” section on the website, you will see that I got the name “anything but khakis” because most of the khakis I see every day have weird pleats, don’t fit, are old as the hills, and so on. If a guy has a slim fit khaki-colored chino that actually fits, fantastic! But that’s not what I see in droves every day.

Since we are talking about pants, well, let’s talk about them. See the picture above, those are my khakis. Tailored. Cool pattern. Made of a heavier fall/winter wool. Look great. Feel great. Always get tons of compliments because they don’t look like everyone else. Otherwise, I’ve got a pair of blue jeans, pair of white jeans, and pair of tattered jeans. A pair of modern grey sweats, some crazy Christmas pants, and then about 10 pair of suit pants. These suit pants are primarily varying shades of blue, grey, and olive. But the key is that they have subtle (or not so subtle) stripes, fit perfectly, and are made of either wool, cashmere, or a blend of the two.

One final important tip on the way pants fit that the average joe doesn’t think about. When I say they need to fit, most people simply think waist and length. But equally as important is the leg opening at your ankle. If you look down when you are walking and it looks like you might be wearing bellbottoms because of all the fabric flopping around, go to a tailor and have them taper your pants leg to a narrower opening. Most guys I see every day miss this by a mile.

I really had fun with these young folks this past week, and I hope they enjoyed getting a little real life talk as well. This whole blog is about encouraging folks to find themselves and be themselves, so that message was an easy one for me. I know it can be scary to be a little different, but you gotta be you! I have been finding out so much about myself this past year at the age of 35, and it turns out that most of the things I do (weird, unique, etc.)…it’s just who I am, and so I’m going to embrace it.  And on the clothes side: fit first, fabric second, color last.

Have a great week.-Benj

I woke up last Saturday feeling like death. I had just returned from Italy, and it felt like the past year had finally caught up with me. But I already had a trip to Atlanta with 3 friends scheduled, so I decided to carry on as planned. Fast forward to yesterday, I had a nice pre-Panthers party at my house, followed by a quick walk to the stadium for the game, and then back home. The Atlanta trip took me to the new Mercedes Benz Stadium to see the Atlanta MLS team play in front of a record 70,000 people. The whole thing was awesome (minus the sick piece). The Panthers game yesterday was the complete opposite. Dreadful. And in between those two events I had strep throat, and I literally did nothing all week. I tried. I just couldn’t. Not exactly ideal to not move all week 5 weeks from my marathon, but I can’t control what I can’t control.

As I sat around all week, I had plenty of time to think, which can be a dangerous thing for me. But this was good. My body was telling me to cool it, as I had been going nonstop nearly all year long. I needed a refresh, and interestingly, last week coincided with the start of fall, which is the ultimate refresh season. Fall is my favorite. The beginning of school, soccer, and football. Basically a new year. See, my parents are teachers and I was a soccer player, so the new year for me starts in August/September. January 1 means nothing to me. As I sat around last week, I watched the newest version of The Equalizer with Denzel, and I just love one of his quotes. He’s talking to Chloe Grace Moretz’s character who desperately wants out of her existing situation, and he simply tells her “Change your world.”

Combine all of that above, and here is what was on my mind. It’s fall. It’s time to hit refresh, and start going strong again. If there are some tweaks to be made, make them. And it’s also the best season of the year to go through your closet, throw some junk out, and restock. I told you all a few weeks ago that I was going to do a fall style series from head to toe. And we are going to start today with the most important part of all: shoes (and socks).

I currently have 23 pair of shoes, which remarkably is down from about 75 pair a couple of years ago. It’s still too many and completely unnecessary. I have retro Jordan’s, blue suede shoes, turquoise high-tops. Cool, but unnecessary. When I meet someone, I look at their eyes first and then their feet. Other people do also. So if I were building a closet of shoes for a man, I would make sure to include the following (see picture below). Dark brown lace-ups. Tan loafers. Black modern sneakers. A pair of athletic shoes. There you go. 4 pair. Throw in a pair of flip flops, any sports specific shoes that you play, and possibly a pair of simple black lace-ups if you frequent black-tie events, weddings, etc. That’s it, and you are set. If you notice nothing else in the picture below, take note of the colors and shape of the shoes. There are so many options out there…just look for something in the middle. Not too chunky, not too sleek. Not too pointy, definitely no squared toes. Spend a little money. Keep them clean. Keep them shined. I have had the dark brown lace-ups below for 5+ years. They’ve been resoled a few times and shined countless times. Daniel at Emerson Joseph uptown is my man for shoe shines. And the small store in the back of Park Road Shopping Center is my go-to for repairs. These shoes were expensive, but they are going to be around and look great for quite some time.

Since we are talking feet, I have to briefly chime in on socks. Three things here. One, if it even has the beginning of a hole in it, throw it away. No questions asked. Second, a good rule of thumb is to have your sock color and pant color match. Dark grey pants. Dark grey socks. And third, I’m going to let you make your own decisions on the crazy, colorful socks. Not my style, but I’m not a dictator here. Just know that if you are wearing wild and crazy socks, people are forming an opinion of them and you based on those socks. Just make sure that the image you are trying to convey to the world is in line with those socks. No one pays any attention to my navy and gray socks, which is how I like it, because I likely want them paying attention to something else.

I sincerely hope no one gets strep throat this week. It sucked, but served a great purpose. As we enter into fall, do send some old stuff to Goodwill, get some new stuff, and refresh the mind, body, and soul. And guys, if you are going to truly invest some real cash into any wardrobe upgrades, start with your shoes. Message me or comment if you want store and brand recommendations. I’ve got tons for every budget.

Have a great week.-Benj

I wasn’t initially even invited on this Italy trip. It was a girls family trip that sprung out of thin air. Then randomly a few weeks later, they decided to open the invite to the boys of the family, and I was the only one to accept. So I ended up booking a separate flight, a separate hotel, and basically a separate trip to Italy. I would meet the girls for dinners and drinks, but otherwise we were legitimately on two separate trips to Italy. Sounds a bit unorthodox (like my general thought process), but man it was awesome! I do not have enough time to give you the full run down of the trip, so I am just going to let you in on last Sunday.

Let me first tell you how my brain works. When someone tells me anything, in this case “I’ve been to Italy and this is what you should do”, I immediately ask myself 4 things. Does this make sense? Is there a better way to do this? Are there options I haven’t thought about? Is this what I want to do? Someone was nice enough to provide a “Things to Do” kind of book about Venice, which was home base for the week, so I scanned it briefly to acquaint myself with the area, but I then put it away. I basically was interested in soccer, fashion, pasta/pizza, and red wine, so if there is a book club about that, sign me up! Otherwise, I like to write my own book, so that is what I set out to do while I was in Italy.

I woke up at 5:45am on Sunday morning after a late night of pasta and red wine, and set off to the Venice train station in the pouring rain. I had the clothes on my body, my wallet, my Passport, and most importantly, my phone charger. I wouldn’t be back to Venice for a day and a half, but that was part of the adventure. I bought a train ticket to Milan, where I was planning to watch the Inter Milan soccer game that kicked off at 12:30pm. So I got on the train, and some two and a half hours later, I was in Milan. It was about 45 minutes until kickoff, so I decided to jump into a cab with some other Italians headed to the game too. They quickly learned I was from America, and asked me from where. I told them North Carolina, and they started talking to me about whether Duke or UNC basketball was better (Duke, of course). The cabbie then proceeded to name every single player from the old time Celtics-Lakers rivalry, which was rather impressive. They then started singing and chanting at me as we got closer to the famous San Siro Stadium so I could get the full experience, which really put me in the mood. I offered to pay the fare if the other gentlemen would help me find my seat, and then I got settled in on Row 3 for a wonderful, wonderful experience I will never forget. Inter won 2-0, and I hit the team store for some goodies as I walked back out into the pouring rain. I had allotted about 2 hours to then take the metro to downtown Milan and check out the fashion scene and a couple of stores. That was a cool experience, partially dampened (no pun intended) by the rain. But soon after, it was time to get back to the train station to jump on a train to my next destination: Bologna.

I arrived in Bologna about 6:30pm and the Bologna-Napoli soccer game was set to kick off at 8:45pm. Luckily it had stopped raining, and I immediately went and checked into a hotel smack in the middle of the town square. My plan was to get a cab to the stadium since it was about 3 miles away, but I got my second wind and decided to grab a couple of slices of pizza and walk with all of the locals down to the stadium, again to get the full experience. My impression of Bologna was that it was a middle class, blue collar kind of town, which was a little different from the posh Milan experience I had had a few hours earlier. Once I got to the Bologna stadium, I legitimately had no idea where my seat was. So I found someone who looked like they had been around the block, and he ended up inviting me to sit with him and his family, as long as I pulled for the right team. This game was my favorite experience of the entire trip. The fans were insane, rowdy, smoking, and singing the whole game (check my Instagram @benjbostic for the video). Bologna lost 3-0, but I could care less (don’t tell my new friends). It was almost midnight by now, and I had two things on my mind: more pizza and that the Panthers had just kicked off in San Francisco. I popped into a cafe and thought I was ordering 2 slices of pizza. I waited for a few minutes, and they brought me out 2 entire pizzas (gotta work on my Italian). So just picture this: it’s midnight in Bologna, Italy and some random American is carrying 2 full pizzas in one hand and trying to watch the Panthers game on his phone in the other! As I was almost back to my hotel, I saw a local walking his dog wearing a Charlotte Hornets t-shirt, and I couldn’t have gotten more excited. He thought I was an idiot.

I awoke Monday morning with no toiletries and wearing the same rain-soaked clothes I had been wearing for the past 30 hours (not my best fashion moment). I walked to the train station, grabbed a ticket back to Venice, and arrived back at home base around lunchtime. I walked back into my small Venice hotel, and was greeted by the concierge, “Someone didn’t come home last night:)” I tried to explain, but it fell on deaf ears. From that point on at my hotel, I was the American that never came home on Sunday night.

The Italian shopping was an excellent mix of high and low end. I bought 2 new ties: a lovely violet Hugo Boss and an exquisite navy and pink Kiton, the highest of high end. I bought some Nike training gear from the soccer games, and a handful of presents for folks back home ranging from scarves to handmade earrings to handmade cufflinks. I picked up a cool patch for the jacket I am making, 2 handmade glass bracelets, a handmade glass charm, and a pair of handmade cufflinks. It was roughly 10 pieces in all if you don’t count the Ferrari I got my son, and all 10 are just so unique. Italian style is so effortless, and I’m hoping to bring a little bit of that back to Charlotte with me.

If you take nothing else from this post, I want you to understand that there is no book on the perfect Italy trip or on life in general. Make your own path. I went rogue, and planned this 36 hour excursion by myself. I knew I was going to be dirty and exhausted when I finished, but that was okay. I knew there might be some twists and turns since I didn’t know the language, but that was okay. It turned out to be one of the most exhilarating and memorable days of my life, and I am so glad I did it. Classic risk vs. reward. Economics and Style 101.

Have a great week.-Benj

A couple of months ago, this article popped up in one of my social media feeds called “Your Facebook Life Doesn’t Fool Me”. Google it. It’s very interesting, witty, and basically says that all the perfect posts that people put up on social media are a façade for the real, gritty, imperfect lives that everyone leads. I was intrigued, and for the most part was in agreement. But then I read this one line that stuck with me that addressed the reader and said “You’re hanging out in Middle American hell with the rest of us.” And I literally stopped and wrote that down, because I am not on board with that. Never will be.

Okay, so remember when you were a kid and you wanted to grow up and be a professional athlete or fireman or whatever? It was a dream. So why, at some point, do we stop chasing our dreams and just grind into Middle American hell?

I want you to stop what you are doing right now. I assume there are only adults reading this, so the professional athlete dreams now may have morphed and consist of wanting to be a lawyer, a father, owning your own business, and so on. I want you to ask yourself as you sit here right now what your current dreams and goals consist of, and if you are chasing them. I am 35, and my dreams are alive and well. This year, I am doing the marathon. Next year, I want to play PDL or minor league soccer (yes, at 36). I made it to the final stage of tryouts with the Columbus Crew of the MLS when I was 24, but never fulfilled that dream. By 2019, I want to be a scratch golfer. I want to help the Charlotte style scene become more prominent, and immerse myself in the style/fashion scene in as many ways as I can. I’d like to see more of the world, and possibly travel regularly for work. These are bona fide goals that I have in addition to my family and career. And I’m gonna go after them.

I get this mindset from my mom. She is a professional pianist, and has been her entire life. She teaches at Wingate University, plays concerts, plays at church, funerals, weddings, pretty much anything. I didn’t realize until I was a young adult that not everyone grew up with a beautiful piano in their living room. I thought that was the norm. See, piano is my mom’s passion, and for her entire life this is what she has done. She found a way to weave her passion into her career, and I admire that so much. I asked her recently if she ever got tired of playing, and that was the quickest “no” I have ever heard. And through this, I realized that one of the qualities I most respect in people is their choosing to go through life their way, not some template prescribed by society.

Society has a way of leading everyone into doing the same thing. That’s what I see, at least. Get married. Have 2.5 kids, whatever that means. Buy a big house in suburbia with a white picket fence. Wear khaki pants. Now, if that is what you want, go bananas. But if that is not what you want, you don’t have to be like everyone else. Your dream is your dream, not society’s. I ask my wife periodically what she individually wants out of life. As my son gets older, I will encourage his unique interests. I, personally, could care less about what society (or anyone else for that matter) tells me I should do. I’m doing what I and we (my family) want to do.

I like to be unique. I don’t do it for the attention. It’s who I am. It’s exhilarating. It’s fresh. I wear my watch on the “wrong” hand. I carry a turquoise Gucci wallet every day. I change my hairstyle 2-3 times per year. I may add 1 or 2 tattoos each year. My jeans could be covered with holes. You will see me in a huge straw hat. I might let my beard grow for 2 months. And I may wear 10 bracelets one day, along with my black diamond skull ring. I’m starting to get more and more messages each week from people wanting to slowly step outside their comfort zone now that they are hearing a voice saying that it’s okay. I say, not only is it okay, it is encouraged. When I walk through a crowd where everyone looks exactly the same, I just yawn and carry on. But when I see someone that looks or acts a little different, I want to know more. I admire eccentricity and the courage to be a little different.

I have this quote that I love that reads, “When you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” It is applicable to some things and not applicable to others, but it has served as a good guide for me to always be myself. This week, think about what your own unique desires are in life, and how you can position yourself to achieve them in the future. Family is important. Group stuff is important. But paying attention to yourself and achieving some of your unique individual goals is too. It’s not selfish. It’s vital.

I’m headed to Italy this week and part of next, so who knows if next week will have a post?  Between the soccer, fashion, pasta, and red wine, I may never come back. (I likely will, but don’t put it past me.)

Have a great week (or two).-Benj

I’m starting this week out with a quote I read a couple of weeks ago. It is credited to someone named C. Bukowski, but I simply read it on an email I got from the Nashville store Imogene+Willie. “Style is the answer to everything. A fresh way to approach a dull or dangerous day. To do a dull thing with style is preferable to doing a dangerous thing without style. To do a dangerous thing with style, is what I call art.”

I’ve got soccer on my mind this week because, well, I always have soccer on my mind. But even more so this week because the EPL has started and my team Manchester United is flying. Wingate Soccer kicks off this week. I have been in Salt Lake City and was able to catch a Real Salt Lake game that my pal Luke (Wingate grad) played in. And lastly, I’m headed to Italy next week and trying to figure out which game I am going to see. I started playing soccer when I was 3 years old, and I was immediately hooked. I played all the other sports throughout my youth and still enjoy most today, but nothing even comes close to my love affair with soccer. It has a flair, a grace, and an art that is inimitable. The nuances, angles, and small details can make even a 0-0 draw enjoyable if you know what you are looking at. I have a tattoo on my left arm of a soccer ball on a bed of roses that reads “Style Passion Beauty”. Pretty much sums up how I think soccer should be played and life should be lived.

I talked about numbers in last week’s blog, and they are important because we live in a results-based world now. I am on board with that. But here’s my argument this week: the “how” you do something is just as important as the result. There will be a lot of people that disagree with me on this, and that is fine, but think about it for a minute. Let’s start with soccer, or any sport for that matter. Ever watched a game that your team won, but it bored you to tears? On the other hand, ever watch a game that your team tied or maybe even lost that was super exciting? I remember a couple of United-Barcelona games years ago that ended 3-3. I could have watched them on repeat because of how the games were played, not the end result. Great goals. Excitement around every corner. It can be applied to so many things in life. There are people that I have worked with that I listen to how they talk to people. How they negotiate. The results usually come, but it is the how that I pay attention to. We are having a big party at our house on Saturday, and my wife goes all out. In her eyes, it is either “let’s do it right or not do it at all”. Usually ends up being a great party, and I very much admire that quality in her. It should extend to the other realms of life too. Either do it or don’t…no mediocrity.

One other point on the end result versus the journey along the way. I’ve been doing a fair amount of travelling, and plan to continue that into the foreseeable future. I have no end goal, but I know some people do. Visit all 50 states. Visit every major league ballpark. So on. Cool goals, but it is really the “how you do them” that is the enjoyable part. Y’all know I’m running the NYC Marathon November 5th, and that is an end goal I suppose.  Fine. But along the way, here is what I decided. Run a 5k in Charlotte. A 10k in Nashville. A half marathon last weekend in Salt Lake City. Enjoy new places. Eat and drink locally. Visit friends. Try new things. Shop. Run hard. Test your limits. The end result is hopefully a strong finish time in NYC. But when I get my new tattoo soon thereafter on my chest (already designed) commemorating the journey, it will be the full experience I think about, not just what happens on November 5th.

Right now, soccer stars along with NBA players and other athletes are some of the most stylish people in the world. Y’all know I love David Beckham. But google Andrea Pirlo real quick or check out his Instagram. You’ll never see these cats walking around in baggy khaki pants. Their clothes fit. They wear scarves and cool hats and cardigans for casualwear. When they need to get dressed up, they get dressed up. I know they have enough money to do whatever they please, but take a few cues. When I’m stumped for a night out, I will take a peek at these guys for inspiration, not the guy across the cube farm. I truly believe that your attitude takes on the same persona as the clothes you are wearing. Wear a cool pair of sunglasses, a perfectly tailored suit, anything with a little pizazz and you will get a little pep in your step. Walk around with ill-fitting items, a bland outfit, or looking like everyone else, well…

This week, think about the quote above and the “how” you do life. No reason to be average. Dig in, and get after it. On the clothing side, check out some soccer players and Italian companies for some inspiration. I just opened my Instagram, and up popped Beckham, Pirlo, and the companies Kiton and Isaia. The stuff is crazy expensive, but just put your eyeballs on it. Style. Swagger. Flair. Then find your price range, and use their stuff as a guide to try something new. I wore a bandanna as a scarf all weekend in Utah…had never done it before…loved it.

Have a great week.-Benj

Social media baffles me. See, I am just young enough to understand parts and pieces, and just old enough to have not a clue. So we have hit the 90 day mark for my blog, and I want to share some things with you. I have 377 Facebook friends, 193 Instagram followers, 307 LinkedIn connections, 103 Anything but Khakis followers, and 75 email subscribers. Considering I was completely off of social media this time last year, well, who cares. My website provides analytics, so by my analysis I have 300-600 regular readers each week, 25-50 new readers each week, and much more if I do something out of the norm like write an article for some publication. Speaking of, my article for Charlotte Agenda has 28,833 reads. It was picked up by a second online publication and received a 100% read rating, whatever that means. Approximately 420 people (based on comments) think I am a complete moron. My actual website has had 5,509 reads and 2,892 unique visitors. Thousands more via my friends’ shares and reads on LinkedIn. 5 continents. 24 countries.

So what’s my point? I have no idea what to make of any of that above. Seems like a good start for my first 90 days. But here’s the deal, all I care about is actually helping people with style, creativity, fashion, and being the best version of themselves. In the first 90 days, I’ve learned that I hate constantly taking pictures of myself, I really love writing, and that it can be (very) uncomfortable to put myself out there. But every week when I get social media messages, emails from complete strangers, or texts from friends asking me questions or telling me how the blog impacted their life that week, it is all worth it. Even if it is just one freaking person. I started this blog because people told me I had style, and because of that, people paid attention to me. So I decided, it was time to speak up and help. Fashion seems like such a surface subject. But style…style is so much more. It’s how you live your life.

In college, I majored in finance and economics and minored in mathematics. I’m a numbers guy who loves fashion. Weird combo. Anyways, my economics advisor Dr. Caudle and my math advisor Dr. Russell were cut from two different cloths, but man did they have an impact on me. Dr. Caudle went to Duke, so he was smart as a whip. He then did his graduate work at Colorado-Boulder, and thus he was as laid back as they came. I had never encountered that demeanor, but man was he cool. He wore jeans and tennis shoes most days. He taught me a ton of actual useful information, but the one that sticks with me today was how to read the Wall Street Journal. Like legitimately how to get the most useful info from a daily publication that would take all day to read. That was style to me…laid back, brilliant, how to read a newspaper. On the other side, Dr. Russell may have never worn the same outfit twice in my four years. He was either in suit and tie or blazer and tie 99% of the days I saw him. He was also a sports nut. I was mesmerized from Day 1. He would walk in with a pinstripe suit and perfectly tied tie, and we would snap to attention. He commanded respect. He would start every class by looking each of us in the eye, and then rattling some crazy statistic from SportsCenter the night before to get us talking. This was the guy who was teaching me Calculus III?? My lasting memory of him is one day he was teaching us, and we all had simply had enough. There were about 20 minutes left in class, but he could see it in our eyes. He crumpled up his notes and tossed me the paper ball and said, “Benj, if you can throw that in the trash can across the room, class is dismissed.” So I did. And class was over. That man was the epitome of style.

I got introduced to this guy a few weeks ago, and I told him I wrote a style blog. The first thing he said was “How many Instagram followers do you have?” I told him the small number, and he was ready to walk away. Not one to be dismissed that easily, I then told him about the sizeable number of readers I had in such a short period of time, and then he wanted to be my best friend. Had no idea what the actual blog was about, just judged me on random numbers. I find it fascinating that random Joe’s can have a bazillion followers. I could care less…I am not trying to become a cult leader here. I sincerely hope that I help a few folks each week become a more confident, better version of themself. Whether it is the clothes or the life piece makes no difference to me. If I can help one person find a new tailor in Charlotte, or make 29,000 people take a closer look at themselves, it’s all worth it.

This week, think about what your unique gift is and how you can use it to help others. I’ve had mine for years but used it to help others rather sparingly. I’m 90 days into changing that. Also, keep thinking about and developing what your unique style is. I talk about two folks I admire above that are on different ends of the visual style spectrum. But how they did things…couldn’t have been more stylish. More on my definition of style next week, but first I’m headed out West again for another chapter of “work hard, play hard”.

Have a great week.-Benj