I talk a lot about the importance of getting out of your comfort zone. I have a firm belief that by doing so, that is where the real personal growth, enrichment, and satisfaction occurs in life. Personally, I’ve been working on it a ton, but there are still plenty of areas where I can improve. I tackled one this week. Let me tell you about it.
Previously, I have told you about my relationship with manual labor. It doesn’t interest me, I am no good at it, and it makes my body hurt. But from everyone I talk to, it often provides real satisfaction because you are doing something tangible and oftentimes meaningful.
I have a particular pal at work that holds me accountable. Since I often recommend everyone get out of their comfort zone, he makes sure I do the same. So he challenged me, and I am so glad he did. This week, for the first time ever, I joined my co-workers to work on 2 Habitat for Humanity houses, and I want to tell you about some takeaways.
Leading up to the day, I was getting clowned left, right and center. “Bostic is gonna have to go buy some work clothes.” “I think he may show up in one of those caddie suits they wear at The Masters.” On and on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ended up showing up with my patented sweat pants rolled to my knees, which prompted my buddy to ask if I were wearing capris. (Eye roll.) Anyhow, none of that is of any importance to the amount of good work we did as a team that day. We painted the full interiors of 2 houses and fully sided a shed. We met the 2 future homeowners, who were gleaming with excitement and pride, and then we finished the day with a quick brew at a local brewery.
What the hell was I afraid of or nervous about? That I wasn’t a professional painter or sider? In retrospect, I have no idea. I had a fantastic day. Left fully excited for the new homeowners. Fully fulfilled by the work that had been done. And proud as can be of my teammates. I had passed up that opportunity multiple times in the past, and for what? Seriously, I have no idea.
What keeps you from getting out of your comfort zone? What keeps you from experiencing that fulfillment and personal growth that comes with conquering those things you may be afraid of? Listen, I wore double denim with pink Chelsea boots to work last Friday, and I was nervous about painting?That literally makes no sense.
So, baby steps. New foods. New activities. New challenges. New travels. New styles. Our own crazy little brains often talk us out of things for no good reason. I love seeing people grow personally. Me. You. Everyone. I’ll have another more wild and crazy example for you in a week or two. But in the meantime, challenge yourself to get out of that comfort zone, and let me know what’s up!
Have a great week.-Benj
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So first off, I am running the NYC Marathon again this year. Round 2. Why? Let’s talk it through together. Let me remind you of my experience last 
What if this became my story? Guy who hates running overcomes terrible arthritis pain to run marathons in his favorite city in the world to raise money for the very disease that prevents him from doing certain daily tasks. What if this became my thing? What if starting last year, I run the NYC Marathon every year until the day that I die? Sorry…I am a dreamer. But what if…
Life is so exciting. What’s your story? Start writing…
I’ve taken some super-memorable trips in my life, and specifically the past 18 months. But even the best of those don’t compare to my two favorite things about Wingate: playing the piano with my mom at my childhood home (yes, I know I owe you the completion of our duet) or spending a fall night watching Wingate Men’s Soccer (D2 National Champs 2016). You think I am exaggerating? Two years ago, I cut a vacation to NYC short to fly home and watch a Wingate Men’s Soccer playoff game in person. No joke.
Wingate is an interesting place. It is about 45 minutes from Charlotte on the way to the beach. My high school won the State Basketball Championship here recently, of which I am very proud. It is very rural, and smells like farming. Its demographics run the gamut, which was crucial in my development as a human being. A nice mix of white, black, and Hispanic, among others. The age of the population leans a little older, but then the university population evens that back out. Oh yeah, did I not mention? The town has a world-class university smack in the middle. I received my MBA and played soccer there. The campus is absolutely beautiful. The athletic program is second to none. Ditto to the pharmacy school and other academic programs. There is a worldwide feel because the university has students from all over the world. I can literally pop in for a day and talk native Wingate-ese, or overhear one of 10 different languages.
I know I always talk about the importance of experiencing the world. Broadening your horizons. Being a true citizen of the world, not just your own little community. But life’s a trip, no pun intended, because on the other hand, there are so many “wordly” people out there that would have no idea how to behave in my little ol’ Wingate. I say it all the time to anyone who will listen (my co-workers are tired of it). Growing up in this place was an absolute blessing, and I never want to lose the ability to interact and relate with my hometown or any other small town, regardless of where I live or travel to.
One of my primary goals in life right now is to be able to start and carry on a conversation with literally anyone on this planet. So as I continue on my travels of the United States and the world, I get as much satisfaction during the off weekends to hit up places like Wingate. Because as fun as some fancy-ass place in Miami may be, it is necessary, vital even, to understand that the farmer in Wingate is equally as important. So when I say broaden your horizons, yeah, I may be encouraging someone whose world has gotten a little small. But let it be known, I also want everyone to know the importance of places like Wingate. And how it has shaped my view of the world just as much as all of these other places. No better. No worse. Just different. And as I always say, different is good. Different is good.
Last week my family and I journeyed to Florida, but here is how it started. I was simply annoyed at the Charlotte weather. Cold, dreary, really all over the place. So I said, let’s go to Florida. Just a quick getaway to the Orlando area. Nothing wild and crazy. Once it was agreed upon, I texted my college soccer teammate Sergio who lives in the area to see if he and his family wanted to have dinner. Next thing I knew, we were invited to stay at his house for a long weekend.
Christy then decided to text her childhood friend Mikey who is an animal trainer at Sea World to see if he and his family were around. Next thing I knew, we had a full day planned at Sea World with behind the scenes animal “meet and greets” with flamingos, dolphins, sea lions, and otters.
It was Spring Break in Florida last week, and Sergio called me on Thursday while we were driving down to let me know that another family had been staying with them earlier in the week and was going to stay one more night. No problem. One thing: Sergio and his wife Dionne have 4 kids, and his friend has 6. Night 1=11 kids and 6 adults. It was like the Home Alone house.
On the way down, we stopped at one of our favorite little towns in Florida called Saint Augustine. Spent a few hours enjoying the town. Just a lovely, chill little place.
Friday was Sea World. I love animals, so it was very cool. We started the day with 4 adults and 3 kids, and finished with 5 adults and 5 kids as a friend of our friends joined the party. We had a great time, but I can’t even begin to tell you how tired I was after 10 hours of that. It was like running a marathon.
That night, Sergio and I were sitting on his couch discussing plans for Saturday. He and I were going to Braves vs Yankees Spring Training, but he found out late that his younger son had a soccer game too. He mentioned his coach’s name, and I stopped him in his tracks. Coach Sephton? Yeah, he was on my Sunday League team here in Charlotte for years before he just moved to Orlando. We would have to stop by and say hello. Sergio and I then proceeded to talk until 3am. I do love a good conversationalist!
Saturday was baseball. 80 degrees and sunny at the ESPN Wide World of Sports. I wore ripped jeans, and I currently have a very strange suntan on my legs. This was an event for me. My grandparents lived and died by the Atlanta Braves, and I had been wanting to get down to their Spring Training for a long time. As I sat there, I thought my late grandmother would be well pleased. We then popped over to the soccer game, watched, and said hello to Coach Sephton, who per usual, criticized me for wearing ripped jeans. Dionne ordered pizza on the way home, and Saturday night was going to be just chill.
Sunday we woke up, and I was reminded I am not 20 years old anymore. We said our goodbyes, and moseyed on home with a quick detour to Daytona Speedway for my son (lover of Cars) to see. (Two restaurant recommendations between Charlotte and Orlando: Duke’s BBQ in Walterboro, SC and Maurice’s Piggie Park in West Columbia, SC.)
What’s the point? I felt like I was surrounded by fantastic people at every turn on this trip. It involved family, new friends, old friends, and complete strangers. If you had told me that the weekend would have played out as it did when I first thought about going to Florida, I would have said you were nuts.
But, per usual, we have to put a twist in. Take whatever it is you love, and I want you to consider incorporating it into a trip. I could have run the Charlotte Marathon, but I ran New York City instead. I can go to a Hornets game any time I want in Charlotte. But watching them in Indiana and almost again in Toronto (damn you Winter Storm Whatever!) was totally unique. Kevin Hart is less than a mile from my house in a week, but I drove to Evansville, Indiana to see him instead. Is this practical? No. But anything but khakis isn’t about practicality. It’s about adventure, and if it is time for you to have some adventure, then give it a thought.
I flew to Salt Lake City to run a race. I drove to Washington, DC to visit my dog. That sounds insane, right? But all of this stuff got woven into super-adventurous trips. Meals at St Elmo’s and games at Madison Square Garden and conversation with everyone and shopping on Rodeo Drive and hoopla everywhere, often with family and friends. Maybe there are even some friends you haven’t caught up with in a while that you could visit?
Here’s what got this brewing. A few weeks ago, I’m talking to some buddies about Carolina Panthers 2018. I can look into the stadium here in Charlotte from my backyard. I walk to games. Why would I want to fly to Cleveland or Pittsburgh or Philly next year to watch them play? Wait for it…why not? Ya’ll know I love the Browns too, so a Carolina at Cleveland trip is already seriously a-brewing. And I have to give props to my friends…they came to me with this idea not vice versa. I love it!
I always try to put my money where my mouth is, so I am in Florida right now. Braves-Yankees Spring Training, among other things (coming next week). Had never done it. Had always wanted to. It was time. So listen, get your wheels turning, both figuratively and literally. What do you love? How can you weave it into some really cool, unique, or meaningful experience in the near future? Drop me a message and let me know what you are thinking. And if you are a Panthers fan, maybe I’ll run into you in Cleveland later this year, and we can chat over a Great Lakes Brewing Co. beer!
Have a great week.-Benj
I wake up at 6:45am. From 6:45 to 7, I check emails, the blog website, and Instagram and mentally prepare myself for the day. At 7, I go back to sleep with my son. We snuggle from 7 to 7:30. This is the favorite part of my day. At 7:30, the mayhem begins as my wife and he work to get out the door by 8 and me soon after. I drink a Mountain Dew every morning. (If I ever suddenly die, tell the coroner to check for excessive Mountain Dew.) I film a quick Instagram video for the blog, and then turn on gangster rap and sing at the top of my lungs for my 5 minute commute. I’m sufficiently hyped. I blaze into the office (I am a banker) and get straight to my to-do list. No coffee runs. No how’s the weather. On it. I get 90% of what I need to get done each day by lunchtime because I don’t horse around. I am uber-focused. So my top priority project and client-related items happen before lunch. At lunchtime, I either go grab something tasty (I work Uptown) with my co-workers and friends, or I go home. If I go home, I may take a hot bath, go for a run, or watch Stephen A. Smith (I love him!). The afternoon (unless I have scheduled client calls) is for projects, “desk work”, and the part of my job I love the most. Mentoring and helping my co-workers. I am currently mentoring 5 people either formally or informally, and this is really where I feel like I can add value to people’s lives. I have 2 goals with all of these interactions. Help them understand the big picture and that there is a massive world out there. Help them understand a “bigger” way to think. If they are smart and motivated, we can teach them to be good bankers, no problem. It’s the larger intangibles that can really affect their lives, and they oftentimes are not getting this anywhere else. I then check my to-do list for the day and make sure I am pleased with the progress. I make a to-do list for tomorrow. And then it is boys time. Recently, it has been darts and grapefruit vodka from 5-6pm. It’s good for the soul. Then I’m out.
6:30 to 8:30 is family time, in some way, shape, or form. I travel usually once every 3 or 4 weeks now. Christy is out of town once every 6 weeks. She also now has women’s group commitments 1 or 2 nights a week. So really, there is no rhyme nor reason to family time. But somehow, it works. If it’s boys night, we go to a Hornets game or have a Chick-Fil-A date. If it is full family, we go out to dinner half the time and stay in half the time (I cook a mean frozen pizza). Every other night a bath. Every night some kids movie and reading a book. That’s family time, however it looks, and some how, some way, we have molded a pretty incredible 3 year old.
At 8:30, it looks like I am just staring into my phone. But from 8:30 to 10:30, I am creating. Working on content. Studying behaviors. Thinking. Researching. Writing. Strategizing. Interacting. I usually have 5 text strings going. I may have a phone conversation with my friend and business partner Junior. I absolutely love it. It is fulfilling. I hope I am adding value to other people’s lives with the unique way I see the world, and I just love doing it. My phone then usually dies, which means it is time to go to bed. 8 hours sleep. Mandatory.
Do you have any idea how interesting it is to wear a bona fide men’s hat these days? No, not logistically, although being 6’4″ and then adding 6 more inches is somewhat interesting when walking onto a plane. I’m talking about the conversations it starts. We’ll come back to that.
Originally, I was going to be in Toronto, Canada last week, but due to the extreme northeast weather, I ended up in Dallas, Texas. (I’m not even going to talk about that cluster, although I am basically a travel agent now.) You know what else I’m not going to talk about? How cool it was seeing Air Force One at the Charlotte airport. Or how good the Texas brisket was. Or how sobering exploring the JFK assassination site was.
Or how neat it was to be atop the city with 360 degree views. Did I mention the brisket? I’m also not going to talk about the jalapeño margaritas. Or the FC Dallas soccer game. Or the personal tours of Cowboys and Rangers stadiums. Definitely not going to talk about seeing Dirk, Mark Cuban, and the Mavs up close and personal. That stuff was incredible, but let’s go next level.
I want to tell you about the conversation with the lady from Bloomington, Indiana, where I just was a month ago. I want to tell you about the Friday Night Lights conversation with the rural Texas local. I want to tell you about custom making a hat with Cassie at House of MacGregor, and our Kentucky Derby conversation (where I also just was). I want to tell you about my conversation with Luke (friend, Wingate family, professional footballer) after the FC Dallas game. I want to tell you about local legend Michael Jones, who gave me a very cool tour at the JFK site for $10 cold hard cash. The accuracy of this “tour” is debatable. The once in a lifetime experience is not. I want to tell you about my Uber drivers Allan, Aaron, Angela, and John who advised me on my blog, social media, the suburbs of Dallas, American Ninja Warrior, keeping up with the Joneses, race relations, and parenting. And last but not least, I want to tell you about my new friend Victor, who gave me the ultimate experience of kicking field goals and catching touchdown passes on the field at Cowboys Stadium. (If you are not following my Instagram Stories, you are missing out.)
I want to tell you the importance of getting out of your comfort zone. I want to tell you the importance of periodically leaving your inner circle and conversing with others. And I want to tell you the importance of visiting the real world instead of just the resorts, which is kind of just fantasyland.
I love clothes because of how they make me feel. It’s like anything else. You remember how that person made you feel. You remember how that game made you feel. You remember how that experience made you feel. And so on. And clothes are no different, except you are typically just wearing them when you experience one of the above.
I introduced my friend Junior to the world of made to measure this past weekend. He’s getting married in a couple of months, and he wants to look and feel like a million bucks. I sent him to the uber-cool Sid Mashburn in Atlanta two weeks ago, and last Saturday we spent the afternoon at the fantastic Taylor, Richards, and Conger in Charlotte.
You want to treat yourself? These are the types of places. Even though I was just there to assist, I couldn’t help myself, and I got 2 ties and a plaid suit at their end of season sale. We tried on $10,000 blazers just for fun. We looked high. We looked low. And eventually, we ended up in the magic room. You know, the magic made to measure room. All we were missing was a glass of scotch and cigars.
Did you know that you can make a suit or shirt exactly to your individual specifications? Not just your exact size. Your exact everything. Pick your fabric. Your color. The inner lining color or design. The types of buttons. Pockets. Belt loops. The cuffs and collar on your shirt. Literally everything. Match it to your personality. Is this necessary? No. Absolutely not. But most of the wonderful things in life are not necessary. Is this expensive? Can be. I have a few of these pieces, and the way they make you feel when you are conducting business, having dinner, or getting married is unreal. You feel like you. The best version of you. It’s an investment in yourself. Not in how you look. Go deeper. In how you feel. In how you value yourself.
It was 80 degrees when I left Charlotte last Friday. I saw a dude walking down Morehead Street in flip flops, swimming trunks, and a towel (a bit ambitious). Saturday morning at the White House, it was as picturesque as a post card. By midday, I was in a snowstorm.
I started the day at all of the monuments, not having been there in years. I mean, I was at the center of the world. The home of the most powerful position on Earth. I spent a couple of hours there, and then as usual, started my real exploration. I drove east to the area called Anacostia. Google the crime stats. I saw some revitalization going on, but I also saw buildings boarded up and covered with graffiti. I saw a car with the tires slashed and bullet holes through the windows. It reminded me of a time in Atlanta when I saw a man get shot. I then took a stop at the newish Washington Nationals Park, and then straight into the construction zone that is DC United’s new Audi Field. I drove by the Capitol, by what looked like a drug rehabilitation center, and then across downtown DC to the posh Georgetown area. I made a wrong turn (if there is such a thing in Georgetown), and ended up at the Potomac Boat Club. From Anacostia to the Potomac Boat Club. From Earth to Mars.
I had 3 really fantastic family meals. Mexican and margaritas. Sushi and ramen (my 3 year old son can use chopsticks and I can’t). And a banging Sriracha Thai Shrimp Burger that was a huge risk, but turned out fantastic.
On Sunday, the family took the hour drive to Baltimore to take my son to the National Aquarium. Live dolphin shows. Worth the price of admission. It was freezing outside. Hot as hell in the tropical rainforest inside. A quick detour to the amazing Camden Yards on the way out. Great ballpark. Baltimore is wild. The touristy Inner Harbor is lovely. 3 streets away, I was almost robbed with my mate Vinny back in 2005.
Monday, I spent about 2 hours by myself at the greatest outlet shopping mall on the planet, Leesburg Premium Outlets in Northern Virginia. The Saks Off Fifth and Armani Outlet have all sorts of hidden gems. I picked up 3 beautiful pieces from Armani, as I realized I hadn’t showered in 4 days.
Let’s be honest. The best part of the trip was seeing my long lost love Sarah. I saved her life years ago. I loved her. Then I had to give her away. And now I get to see her maybe once a year…and I so cherish that time.
So what’s the point? Some people like routine. I hate it. It sucks all the air out of the proverbial room. I like different things and differences among people and lifestyles. I like different viewpoints and different activities. And you know why I like it? Because if you have seen, experienced, and felt various options, you can actively choose the one or ones that you love. If you only know one way, well then, you only know one way. And I’m not saying it is bad, but have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone that only knows one way?
It’s been 9 months. I finally have my voice. Took a lot of tinkering. A lot of trial and error. A lot of gut checks and self-reflection. A lot of help from others. But I’ve got it now, and it is here to stay. My promise to you is that my blog will never be nonsense. It won’t be theories and complaints. It will be something I’ve actually experienced. My hope is that every week it will be fresh, and something that you haven’t seen or heard before. And my ultimate goal is that it gives you the courage to explore yourself, make the appropriate adjustments, and live an absolutely amazing life.
I’ve always been a bit of a free thinker, but this past 9 months I have almost totally left the mainstream. It was super boring, and ridiculously unfulfilling. I told myself, “this sucks, and I can’t imagine living my next 65 years this way”. So I changed it. I questioned everything I had ever seen or heard, no matter the source. I asked myself is this relevant, logical, or applicable to life in 2018. Well over 50% of what I knew wasn’t any more. So I changed it. It looks weird, I know. Hell, it sometimes feels weird. I get tons of resistance, and even more questions. But you know what, I am alive. Like, crazy alive.
You have seen all of the trips, challenges, games, etc. I have been to, but this 9 months has really been about the immense amount of self-reflective work I have done. I held up the mirror. If I didn’t like what I saw, I changed it. If I wanted to know more, I explored it. I wanted to know different options of living life, and I found out that truly anything is possible. But it’s not enough to say that. You have to do it. Live it. So I do. And I take a ridiculous amount of pictures so that I can show you. It’s not a front. I’m living it daily. I’m observing and experiencing and changing and growing. But most importantly, I’m doing. Too much talk going on out there. 95% of it is bullshit, riff raff, and nonsense. Not enough action. If only every time I saw or heard the phrase “What I would do…”, the person actually did it. Novel idea.
My weekly blog is something I passionately believe the world needs to hear. I witness firsthand too many people that are living their lives for something or someone else: their employer, their parents, their spouse, the country club, the proverbial Joneses. Stop it. Get yourself right. Get your juices flowing. And you will feel differently. I’ve made about a 75% transformation. Funny thing, I simply transformed into the real me.
I occasionally get asked what I want out of life. You ready? EVERYTHING. I want to feel the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I want to be the President of the United States, climb Mt. Everest, visit all 50 states (getting close), all 7 continents. Should I keep going? I am gonna work and grind and try and live. Just live. And I am going to take every experience that I have (good, bad, or ugly) to try and help as many people as I can, which is my biggest and proudest transformation of all!
You’ll still see my crazy hats, pink boots, and eclectic clothes. It’s just not the focus. Life is so much more.
anything but khakis 